Fear and Fashion: Is Your Look Hurting or Helping You?

Fear and Fashion.

What does fear have to do with fashion?

Nothing?

Think again.

Most of the time, fashion reflects a guy’s fearfulness around women.

If a guy is shy or introverted, he tends to dress more conservative.

Just as a shy guy’s body language says “don’t pay attention to me,” his choices in clothing often reflects this state of mind.

Just as the “nice guy” isn’t willing to take the risk to walk up to a beautiful woman and talk to her, his fashion sense will convey his need for safety.

Women can smell the boring nice guy a mile away, and a lot of that has to do with the way he dresses.

Improving with women requires stepping outside of your comfort zone. The same concept holds true with fashion.

A while ago I co-wrote a fashion book for pickup with pickup guru Brad P. One of the things Brad talks about is sexy stereotyping.

Did you know that girls make funny little lists of what they’re looking for in a guy? Yup, it’s true. One thing I’ve noticed in my own life and when teaching students is that women have certain “sexy stereotypes” hard-coded into their brain. If you can tap into these stereotypes, it makes everything easier moving forward.

Beautiful women who get approached a lot have no choice but to immediately stereotype you based on your appearance, voice tone, and body language. It’s just not practical to get to know lots and lots of guys. So they go with their ‘gut instinct.’ A lot of that ‘gut instinct’ has to do with how she stereotypes you before you even say anything.

What this means is, rather than just trying to buy cool shoes, a cool belt, cool jeans, and a cool shirt, you are better off finding a LOOK.

You want to find a cohesive look that women can INSTANTLY IDENTIFY. And you want to stick with one look.

It could be a rockstar look. Or a James Bond look. Or a Geek Chic look. Or a Eurotrash look. The list goes on.

Women have a LATENT attraction for certain looks. Without doing anything, the way you dress can generate huge attraction from women.

This is because women see attractive guys in the media all the time: on TV, in movies, in billboard ads, and in their social circles.

Women know already what’s attractive to them based on the way a guy dresses.

As you get better at pickup, one of the things that improves is your SOCIAL KNOWLEDGE.

You fuck up a lot by going up to people you don’t know, and you start to learn what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.

You start to get a good idea of how people react to things that you do and say. This is social knowledge.

When you experiment with your clothing, you’ll find that if you look plain and boring, she may not give you the chance, no matter what you say, because your choice in clothing communicates a lack of social knowledge.

However, if you can tap into a sexy look, half your work is done before you even open your mouth.

She sees you have social knowledge. It means you’re socially relevant. To women, this is paramount.

So how do you find a better look?

Find someone to model. Just as in getting better with pickup, one of the best things you can do is model someone who is successful. However, unlike with pickup, all you need to do is check out a snapshot of the person to take in their look.

Find someone who has a sexy look, whether it’s a friend, a co-worker, a famous actor or musician, and start taking your cues from him.

Take risks. Getting better with fashion involves risk taking. Just as you learn to accept the fact that not all interactions with women will go well, not every fashion choice will be gold. Try new things out. If it’s not working, try something else.

Learn to increase your fashion knowledge. You can find good fashion everywhere if you keep your eyes open. Whenever you see a guy that has a cool look, notice it. Pick apart what he’s wearing.

You see a hot girl with a guy, how his he dressed? Is there something just so fucking cool about him? Chances are he knows how to dress.

Be expressive. Play around. Tap into your identity. Do you love anything that would help you be more comfortable in more edgy or racy clothing? What are your tastes?

What type of women are you attracted to? What fashion trends can you adopt and make your own?

Hang out with people who know about this stuff. Your friends influence you in a big way. If you are friends with people who dress cool, it’s easier to allow yourself to dress cool.

Beyond that, you can also talk to people in clothing stores, in the fashion industry, and some pickup coaches are really good with this stuff.

Give it time. It takes a while to get used to dressing in a new way. Don’t expect to change over night. You might feel a bit awkward at first. You might feel “incongruent” with your new look. Give it time. It takes a while to feel comfortable with it.

START NOW! Go ahead and take the risks. Don’t wait too long until after you notice a cool trend. Part of being ahead of the curve is being willing to jump on cool trends when they are new. Don’t be the old guy who’s too afraid to look young.

Having a look can make a huge difference when it comes to attraction. Have it work for you instead of against you.

Once you start to have a look, you’ll see the way women treat you differently. And you’ll kick yourself for not having done it sooner.

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posted in Attraction