What Do You Say After "Hi"?

One of the biggest barriers to guys going up and talking to a girl is what to say after ‘hi.’ They could possibly muster up the courage to walk up to her and say hi, but then what comes next?

Have you ever been with a really close friend or family member whom you felt TOTALLY comfortable with? Did you feel like you ran out of things to say?

Maybe. But probably not.

You’ve got something inside your head called INNER DIALOGUE. It’s that voice that keeps talking and talking.

And talking and talking.

And talking and talking.

Sometimes it’s a problem to make that voice JUST SHUT UP.

But all of a sudden, you get in front of a really attractive person, and you have nothing. Everything just LOCKS UP.

When you’re with your close friend, you don’t wonder what to say. You talk about WHATEVER YOU CARE ABOUT. Whatever you feel like talking about. Whatever’s on your mind.

You’re a real person with ambitions, and dreams and a life.

So why all of a sudden do you run out of things to say when you get in front of a perfect stranger?

And more importantly, how do you turn that faucet back on?

How do you get COMFORTABLE enough in front of perfect strangers to talk about what you want to talk about?

I’m going to answer the question “What do I say after Hi” in relation to approach anxiety. Here are two tips to help you have something to say.

1. Keep it simple and stupid.

If it’s difficult enough for you to walk up to her and say hi, why would you try to throw some complex rapport curve ball at the girl?

“Are you from around here” is WAY overused and trite. But if you are going up to a girl during the day, she’s probably not used to guys coming up to her anyway.

Start with something simple and work your way from there.

LISTEN to her answer and probe deeper.

But start with some basic questions that are EASY and make YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE.

“How is your day going?”
“How are you doing?”
“Are you just getting out of work?”
“Are you on your lunch break or are you skipping out of work?”
“I love the way you’re dressed. There’s something creative about you.”
“Are you from around here?”
“What do you do?”
“What do you spend most of your time doing?”
“How’s that book you’re reading?”
“Where do you like to go for fun?”

2. Have a story to tell.

In our last workshop, we had a guy that was totally tongue-tied. He was a great guy, but the words just would not come out. So we sat down and worked on a story.

I asked him what was the funnest, funniest, or most interesting thing that happened to him.

After talking for a while, we came up with something. He is a police officer and one time he had to arrest the Easter Bunny. It was a funny story. After that he had something to go in with.

He had “material” to work with, so to speak.

It made a huge difference for him because he had something to say.

For more information on how to tell a story, see Tell Better Stories and Get the Girl

If you have a lot of approach anxiety, start with something simple. Don’t expect the world. Give your courage a chance to cultivate. Allow yourself to get comfortable with this process.

You don’t need complex lines to start out. Just get out there and let your body do the talking.

Having something to say, like a story, can make the whole process easier.

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posted in Rapport Skills