You Don't Need a Good Excuse

This post is by Hurricane Lee

Eric and I are on a New York City subway train. We’re practicing our game.

There are two cute girls on the subway car in which we’re standing.

They’re not together but they’re sitting a few seats away from each other.

They’re definitely within earshot, even on a noisy train.

Eric talks to the first girl.

“You look like you’re thinking deep, deep thoughts.”

She laughs.

A moment later, he follows up with, “You look like you have the weight of the universe on your shoulders.”

The statement starts to turn into a conversation. The girl is smiling and starting to warm up to him.

But then her stop comes and she jumps up.

“Bye!” she says with a smile as she gets off the train.

As the doors close, I go over and sit next to the other girl.

In many ways, this is the interaction men fear most.

The girl saw us walk in and saw Eric’s entire interaction. I have nowhere to hide. She knows exactly why I’m there.

What should I do?

I sit down right next to her.

I turn to her and tap her on the arm.

“You… look like you’re thinking deep, deep thoughts,” I say, repeating the exact same opener.

Her eyes widen. She points to Eric and says, “That’s what he said to that girl!”

I crack a slight smile.

“You look like… you have the weight of the universe on your shoulders,” I say to her.

She points at Eric again. “That’s exactly what he said to that girl! Are you guys walking around saying that to all the girls on this train?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” I respond. “We’re saying it to all the girls on this train who look like they’re thinking deep thoughts.”

“Am I wrong?” I continue. “You’re not thinking deep thoughts. You’re thinking stupid, trivial thoughts?”

The girl looks at me for a moment, trying to read my face. She realizes that I am not the least bit embarrassed for getting busted.

In fact, my slight smirk tells her I’m having fun watching her get all worked up.

And that’s when it happens.

I’ve passed the test. She answers my question.

“Actually,” she says, “I’m thinking about what liquor I should buy for a party. Any recommendations?”

The tension is gone. For the rest of the conversation she’s friendly.

Why do men fear these situations?

The first thing to realize is that women don’t care why you’re there.

You don’t need a good excuse for hitting on them. All they care about is that you’re attractive and entertaining.

It doesn’t matter that you ask them where the F train goes in one breath and tell them that you’re the president of the Metropolitan Transportation Authority in the next.

To them, the logical inconsistency is absolutely meaningless.

What is meaningful is that you are cool, fun, and seem to be perfectly comfortable under pressure.

That is why it doesn’t matter if you’re asking for directions to places you should know like the back of your hand.

It doesn’t matter if you mistakenly hit on the same girl twice.

It doesn’t matter if girls figure out you’ve been doing this all day.

It doesn’t matter if others observe your approach.

It doesn’t matter if you have no good reasons to tell your stories.

These are obstacles in your own mind and have nothing to do with a woman’s reality.

Logical consistency is a crutch. It’s your way of protecting your ego when you’re rejected.

Women don’t care.

Here is what you should do when you get busted:

Own it.

Yes, fearlessly admit to everything because, in the end, you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.

Example:

Her: Is this what you do all day, walk around and say cheesy lines to women?

Me: Absolutely. When I see a pretty girl, it makes me want to say hello. In my experience, most women are pretty friendly. You’re not going to try to change my mind about that, are you?

Her: Well, if you’re going to say hello, you should just do it. No lines.

Me: Is that what you like? Let me just write that down. (Pretend to write on an invisible notepad.) Ok, got it. Let’s give this another shot. (Take a few steps back and pretend to be just walking up to her.) “Hi, I saw you standing here and just had to come say hello. My name is Lee. You are?”

Don’t run. Don’t hide. Don’t look for a good excuse.

You’ve done nothing wrong. Own it.

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posted in Embarrassment and Rejection