When You Feel You Don't Have Enough to Offer

I was out with a client recently and we spotted a very hot girl.

I asked him what he was feeling when he thought about talking to her.

“What could I possibly have to offer her?” he said to me.

It is one of the biggest components of approach anxiety.

You get an overwhelming feeling that this woman in front of you somehow has more intrinsic value than you.

You are looking at her through the lens of attraction.

And it’s easy to assume that her life is more interesting than yours. If she is gorgeous, she probably gets A LOT of doors opened to her.

Maybe she goes to exciting parties. Maybe rich handsome studs take her sailing in the Carribean. Or she goes on helicopter rides around New York City with celebrities like P Diddy.

Gorgeous women always seem to have a lot of options.

If you date models and actresses, it seems that guys are always coming up to them and talking to them.

It seems that they could go out on dates every night of the week and get laid three times a day if they wanted to.

But there is also another interesting phenomenon about beautiful women which is tricky to see unless you hang around them a lot and see some of their interactions.

Men are constantly kissing their asses.

In some sense, this may make you feel even more disempowered that a rich, handsome dude would kiss this girls ass.

But for her it’s BORING.

She doesn’t get very many guys who CHALLENGE her.

She doesn’t get very many guys who can walk up to her and confidently interact with her without kissing her ass.

And of the guys that do have the balls to talk to her, most of them don’t really know how to appreciate her for her, to really understand how to make her feel unique and special.

Women are attracted to men everywhere. But we men tend to see women as the end-all-be-all.

“Holy fuck, she’s so hot! I want to marry that girl!”

Of course, we forget about her when another hotty walks along, but most guys tend to be very overwhelmed by their feelings.

Women tend to view all of these hot guys walking around as mere possibilities.

And when they’ve seen the retardation spew from these guys’ mouths, they lose more and more interest in any of these possibilities.

They don’t even bother with most of them. They don’t give them a chance.

What makes you different from those guys? What do you have to “offer” her?

The frame of that question implies that the value you bring to her is based primarily on your access to fun, glamorous parties.

Or extravagent vacations.

Or the famous, powerful people you know.

When in reality, what you offer is the conversation you are having with her right there in the moment.

If you can be playful, or challenge her or see something that nobody else can see, you have thrown down the trump card.

Yes, having a life is the foundation for having the women you want in your life.

But don’t let your attraction for her distort the way you view your own life. You’ll end up thinking that your passion isn’t glamorous enough for her.

If you love your life, she can love it too. That’s all the value you need to bring to the interaction.

If you try to impress her with things, you will bore her to tears. Instead you should get her to try and impress you.

Focus on the moment at hand and enjoy it as much as you possibly can. Find out what’s great about her life. See if she qualifies for you.

See if she’s good enough to be part of your life.

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posted in Attraction, Ramp Up