To Challenge Her Is To Love Her

I’m good at making people feel comfortable. I’m a caring person. And sensitive.

When I’m speaking with someone, I can tell if things are comfortable or if there’s tension in the air.

I’ve gotten good at making strangers feel comfortable in my presence. It didn’t used to be that way. I used to be very nervous around strangers.

Now I can walk up to almost any girl and can engage her. Often she’ll engage me back. I’m good at bringing that interaction to a comfortable place.

Sometimes, though, this tendency has a the effect of making the girl lose attraction for me.

“So what,” you might say, “if I’m nice to a girl and she doesn’t like me because of it, then fuck her. She’s probably insecure if she needs a guy to be an asshole to her.”

I would like to agree. But I can’t.

Have you ever had that girl that just won’t stop calling? You like her, you are attracted to her, but she’s ruining it by going too fast?

Can’t you play hard to get? You’re thinking. C’mon! You’re the girl, this is your job! I’m the guy. I chase, you run.

Well what if I told you it is your job to be the challenge.

What if I told you that challenging someone is not only a healthy part of the relationship but that THE RELATIONSHIP CAN’T SURVIVE WITHOUT IT.

I want my life to be full of love, not turmoil. I don’t naturally like tension. I feel like I want to get rid of it.

But women see tension as sexual tension. When you consistently get rid of the tension, it’s like deflating a tire. And that’s when she loses attraction.

Why? Doesn’t she want love? I thought women wanted relationships!

We all want love in our life. We all want to be loved.

So why don’t we just go out into the street and find the most down-trodden, hopeless soul to love us?

Because we also need challenge in our life. We need to challenge other people and we need to challenge ourselves.

One of the most important parts of this journey of learning to love has been learning how to challenge people.

Ten years ago, my grandmother died. Even as she got older and physically incapacitated, she was still mentally sharp.

But as most elderly, she lost touch with exactly what was going on outside of the house. Her stern advice, while well-meaning, was antiquated and rarely helpful.

Other members of my family got annoyed with her and treated her like a child. They yes’ed her whenever she gave advice. “Yes Grandma.” “Okay Grandma.”

I didn’t let her get away with anything.

When she made wrong assumptions, I put her in her place.

When she gave unhelpful advice, I told her the advice sucked and why.

I continued to challenge her. I treated her like an adult and continued to share and open up to her.

To me, this is one of the most important parts of love you can bestow on someone, to treat them like an adult and challenge them.

When I am with an attractive woman, I sometimes have to fight that tendency to agree with everything she says.

I sometimes have to force myself to be assertive with my opinion and not worry about offending her.

Without being pushy, the best guys in the world assert their opinions as gospel around very attractive women.

These women are used to being yes’ed and babied by men everywhere. And when they meet the guy that can carefully challenge them, they love him for it.

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posted in Attraction