The Cold Cold Approach

by Eric Disco
Jun 21

Sunday night. 8 pm. Union Square park New York City. I’ve been opening sets for the last six hours. I’m super-calibrated. No approach anxiety. The only question is where and when. Find me a set within 500 yards and I’ll open it. Girls are shooting me smiles at this point.

There’s a cute girl. She’s sitting down reading. This is my last set for the night. I walk over to open her. I don’t even think about what my opener will be as I sit down next to her. Do I number close? Without a doubt.

Monday. Lunchtime. Bryant Park, Midtown manhattan on my lunchbreak. I haven’t opened a set yet today. That girl is hot and alone. Nah, not my type. What about her? Okay, what about her? Nah. None of these girls are my type. Okay, there’s one. She’s amazing. Okay, what’s my opener. Shoot, I don’t have an opener. Wait, what??? I DON’T HAVE AN OPENER????

This is my new focus. It’s one thing to open sets when you’ve been doing it all day, running warmups, hanging with your wing in the park. It’s a whole different story when you are completely cold. You see the girl. You haven’t opened all day. You’ve got 14 seconds to make a move before the next train comes, before she walks past you or before the elevator door closes. I wuss out. Why??? I’m not in state.

This is the cold cold approach. I’ve decided I need to get past this. Part of my goal is to be able to approach any girl, anywhere. I’m a busy man. I have other things going on in my life besides pickup. I don’t want to spend 8 hours a day meeting girls. I want to meet them when I see them.

Self-discipline is being able to get yourself to take action regardless of your emotional state.

I’ve put myself on a regimen. This week, I will open one set every day at lunch. Yeah, it should be nothing when you’ve opened 40 sets the weekend before. But for some reason it is.

I still get approach anxiety on that first set. I still chicken out when I’m commuting and I have my headphones on and I see a hot girl while I’m crossing the street. All those lame AFC excuses come up. I don’t need to open, I’m just enjoying my music. I don’t have an opener. She looks like she’s in a hurry. She’s too hot. I don’t want to be late for work. Blah blah blah.

The first set is always the hardest. And during the day, when you’re not prepared for it, every set is a first set.

It’s a mixture of approach anxiety and knowing that I’m not calibrated that keeps me from opening that set. I believe through habituation I can get past the approach anxiety. Not all at once. I’ve set goals for myself. This week I’ll approach one girl each day during my lunch hour. Next week I’ll do one approach during my lunch hour and one on the way home.

And I believe by sticking to my routine stack when I’m feeling cold, it will help as well. That’s one thing Daniel preaches and something I subscribe to as well. How can you see a marked improvement when every approach has so many variables.

There’s another time when I feel uncalibrated and have approach anxiety. And that’s when I’m calling the girl back the next day. I’m in the wrong state. I was on fire the night before, but now? I’m stammering like a schoolboy.


posted in Initiative and Inhibition

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