The Best Guys In the World Get Approach Anxiety

Questions from a reader:

I take it you were once like every other nice guy out there who couldn’t talk to strangers for whatever reasons, but while most gurus and websites advertising seminars and workshops would have you believe that your approach anxiety can be fully ‘cured’ in six hours, you seem to still suffer greatly from it. – TA

Guys who are really good with women still get approach anxiety. Approach anxiety is not something to be be “cured” in six hours, six weeks or even six years.

That nervousness and excitement you feel when you make yourself vulnerable by talking to an attractive girl is a GOOD THING. It adds energy to the interaction.

Do I still get approach anxiety? Does an olympic level marathoner still feel his heart race when he goes out for a run? Of course. That’s all part of the process.

My fear is part of me.

Can I help you “get rid” of your fear? That would be like you telling me you got hurt from loving someone and that you want me to help you never get hurt again.

The point with learning how to handle approach anxiety isn’t to “get rid” of it, but to learn to handle it and NOT BE PARALYZED by it.

I am still sometimes paralyzed by my fear. I PURPOSEFULLY put myself in challenging situations so that I can grow as a person.

I approach girls on crowded subway platforms. I do approaches in front of large groups of people.

I welcome these challenges because I know I’ll grow as a person.

So what I’m wondering again, is do you consider yourself a fully-fledged pickup artist, or a guy who’s not quite made it to being a pickup artist yet – or perhaps just a guy who, like me, doesn’t want to be labelled a pickup artist, since that’s not an entirely attractive way for anybody to describe themself?

Yeah, the term pickup artist has lame connotations. It sounds slimey and deceptive.

Do I have skills at picking up women? Yes.

I have done and can do a lot of the typical “pickup” things.

I have done same day and night hook ups, multiple relationships with women I truly cared about, hook ups with super hot women, etc.

I think it’s a worthwhile endeavor to do some of this stuff even just to do it a few times.

I’m not as much of a club goer any more and prefer to meet women during the day.

I love the empowerment that goes along with being able to walk up to any woman I choose and have a roadmap for making it happen.

Beyond that, there is nothing in the world like social confidence. Human beings are social people. When you feel confident and comfortable in social situations, you feel confident and comfortable in life.

More so than all the wonderful women who have entered my life, I am less fearful everywhere I go every time I open my mouth.

What a liberating feeling!

I avoid bragging about hook ups for a very important reason: I’m selfish.

I’m fine with people thinking I suck at picking up girls. In fact I prefer it. I would much rather people see what I struggle with.

That’s because I want to improve.

I don’t know a lot about Buddhism or Eastern Philosophy and enlightenment, but I know part of it is losing your ego

Every time I step out into the street to go talk to a new girl I am back at square one, no matter what.

I am back in kindegarten. I am learning something new.

I have no idea how she could react. I have no control over that.

I can only reduce myself to nothingness and walk toward her. All I have is my willingness to learn and accept everything that follows.

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posted in Acceptance