Tackling Approach Anxiety By The Knees

Today we have a guest post from Pickup 101 Coach Walter Yu!

We know Approach Anxiety (read: your body’s resistance to approaching a girl) is a physical limitation.

It’s no different from hitting the gym or giving a speech to a crowd – if we don’t already have the training, our bodies will fight us and even take some damage.

If our bodies aren’t used to regular exercise, our muscles will ache and strain during exercise. During our speech, we might lock up in front of the crowd.

I’ve been doing martial arts since I was a kid, so fortunately I haven’t experienced the pain of missing regular exercise. But I did have anxiety speaking in front of crowds.
It didn’t show immediately: I was naturally talkative to begin with, but a closer look would’ve given it all away.

I would dissipate my nervous energy by fidgeting, speaking way too fast and not looking people in the eye while I spoke.

The same cues would give me away when I first started getting better at interacting with women. I’d hesitate with my eye contact and physical touch, two things people immediately pick up about you.

We all know when someone is nervous in front of a crowd, whether it’s a politician giving a difficult speech or a stand-up comedian trying to work the crowd.

As we get more comfortable being in front of an attractive woman, the more we can sense that ability in others.

It’s taken me two years to get to where I am today with my dating life: from average guy with average results to making this stuff an everyday habit.

You know they say that creating wealth is really about creating habits. And you’re creating social wealth in generating choice with women.

We choose whether to tackle anxiety by the knees or not, each and every morning.

When we wake up, make our coffee, pick up the paper, and walk the streets, we choose whether or not to do something about talking to that cute girl.

But it ain’t easy.

Our bodies resist us.

And our job is to start out slowly at first and turn up the intensity through time.

Our job is to build that support system to keep us going, because yes, women will tell you know.

I’m not gonna lie to you. Women will say no to you, sometimes they’ll ignore you, and yes, a few may not even like you.

It’s a fact of life, and it’s a numbers game.

But that’s also what makes it possible to overcome through consistent effort.

We don’t get back into shape by doing a triathalon the first week or speaking at a packed room of listeners – we start with small opportunities.

I can’t stress this enough.

We start out with some coaching to learn the basics. But that by itself won’t teach you to be better, you have to keep practicing.

One secret most guys get from workshop and don’t even realize is that we sow that seed of confidence in them. We show them it’s possible.

They leave super-charged on motivation because a path to mastery has emerged. They’ve seen it’s possible, they now know what it takes, and it’s their choice to make it happen.

Only the foolish would give up at that point. The true Mama’s boys or the guys who are so cynical that they really just want to get caught up in their own downward-spiraling thinking.

The months following that first workshop, the students work hard. They sometimes get doors slammed in their faces so to speak, but it’s an enjoyable process. They make friends, they go out, they make it happen.

And the last step – the one I’m stressing here – is that lasting change comes from commitment.

It’s in your choices and actions.

Yes, guys do get good after workshop – how long do they stay on top, and how far do they want to take it?

A select few come back to teach with us, to commit to that next level.

Now that’s not the only road to success, and neither is a workshop. But there are certain paths that are more likely to help you along.

So we have the choice each day of either suiting up and making it happen, or watching the action from the sidelines.

– Walter Yu

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posted in Initiative and Inhibition