I Will Never Approach Again

I quit.

It’s over.

I’m done.

I will never approach again.

Strange words to read on a site called ApproachAnxiety.com.

But it’s true.

It is an approach I no longer subscribe to.

It used to make me feel like I was doing something.

I would gather all the courage in the world and walk up to her.

I won’t anymore. There is a better way.

I don’t approach anymore.

¡ÆApproach’ implies succeed or fail. A plane aiming for a runway, where you could make a successful landing or¡Ä

You and all of your passengers die in a horrible twisted wreckage of fire, blood and steel.

There is no joy in that.

There is too much on the line with an ¡Æapproach.’

So I don’t approach anymore. I have interactions.

Called it semantics if you will, but it implies something very, very different.

Words have a profound effect on how we view things.

I’m also not fond of the term ¡Æwarm-up.’ Good concept, bad term.

The idea is that before you do an ¡Æapproach,’ you warm-up.

You interact with just any person, not necessarily someone attractive.

You do it to get yourself in a social mode.

Nothing is on the line with warm-ups because you don’t really care about asking directions from an old lady.

But then everything is on the line when you are attracted to someone. That’s when you fly in for the approach.

The approach. Horrible twisted wreckage of fire, blood and steel.

Rather than ¡Æwarm-up’ I prefer to ramp up.

Again, call it semantics if you want, but it implies something very different.

Warm-up implies that it’s not the real thing yet, that you are only doing it to prepare for something more important, something that really counts.

Whereas, if you can value every initiative you take with another human being, whether it’s merely putting yourself near another person, or asking for the time, you start to see things in a different light.

You don’t put everything on the line and take one giant initiative to approach a woman,

You take small initiatives to ramp up to more involved interactions with attractive women.

Beginners often don’t feel the benefit of ramping up.

It feels disposable.

Whereas an ¡Æapproach’ feels like you are doing something big.

But doing ¡Æthe approach’ without doing smaller things can be counter-productive.

It’s like stepping into a gym and lifting the maximum weight you possibly can–every single day.

Or sprinting as fast as you can off the starting line of a 14 mile race.

Guys who are great with women are in touch with how they feel.

They notice the subtle difference in their state after saying hello to an old lady.

They know how to trick their brain into thinking this attractive woman is not that much different than the old lady.

Ramping up helps get you out of your head and into the moment.

It allows you to stop thinking about what you should do or could have done.

And when you do happen to find yourself next to a gorgeous girl, it’s not an approach anymore.

You are merely doing what you’ve been doing–with a bit more excitement, energy and joy.

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posted in Ramp Up