How to Become a Natural

Everyone wants to be a “natural.”

You don’t want to use awkward, pre-scripted material.

You want to be able to talk to a woman using things you’ve thought of yourself right there in the moment.

Instead of thinking about what to do with women, you want to be able to feel what to do. You want it to come from someplace deep inside of you.

You want to be yourself around the woman, instead of somebody else.

“I feel like it’s a canned opener and that the woman will sense it,” Eddie says to me as we practice openers in the workshop.

Later that day, we have girl practice. We bring women into the workshop and the guys practice approaching them.

The women give guys genuine, honest feedback, the kind of feedback one rarely gets from women he approaches in the real world.

Eddie practices a street stop.

He stops her and says “Hey you’re cute. I was walking by and I noticed your shirt is great. And I like your eyes. And I’m Eddie. Where are you going?”

He stumbles over his words. And ironically, this makes him sound less genuine.

Why?

It’s good to have some nervous energy when approaching a woman. She can tell that you are excited, that you are into her. And she usually responds with more energy.

ButEddie wanted to be natural right from the start. He wanted to be himself.

There’s an old joke that actors say to one another: Act Natural. It’s funny because if you are acting, you’re not being “natural.”

Watching a great actor can be deceptive. It looks like he’s not trying. It looks like he’s not even acting. It looks like he’s just being himself.

But he’s not. He’s just so comfortable and so good at what he’s doing, that it seems like he isn’t acting.

Of course you don’t want to act. You don’t want to use someone else’s lines.
But there’s a good reason to learn some lines.

It’s not because some lines “work” and others don’t per se.

The reason is because lines can help you to get somewhere you wouldn’t otherwise have gone.

Perhaps you’re not comfortable joking around and having fun with women right when you meet them.

If you practice saying something fun right at the opener, it gets you comfortable with this.

Perhaps you have a fear of getting sexual with women too fast.

If you practice saying something sexual, a canned line, early on in the interaction, it gets you comfortable with being sexual.

It’s not the words themselves that are so important. It’s the action.

In this way, you are focusing on the process, not on getting results in the immediate moment.

The mind forgets. The body remembers.

I have forgotten 95% of the lines I ever learned. In fact, I rarely use lines anymore.

But if there were an area I needed to work on, I might intentionally injecta line into my interactions.

In that way, the focus is on growing, on getting past my inhibitions.

If you do use extensive routines and scripts, drop them every once in a while. Go in without any safety net.

Ultimately, you never want to have to use a line again.

You want to be yourself every time you walk up to a woman and talk to her.

The closer you get, the more you realize the words themselves are meaningless props, conduits for the true animal attraction that lies underneath.

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posted in Self-Improvement Strategies