How do you know if a girl is attracted to you?

You start talking to a girl.

Sometimes it’s totally on. It’s obvious the girl is into you.

Other times, it’s totally not on. It’ s obvious this girl wants you to go the fuck away.

But particularly when starting out in this game, in the majority of interactions with women, you are in a space of not knowing whether she likes you or not.

How do you know if she’s attracted to you?

Guys with social anxiety or not enough experience with women tend to miss signals of interest.

Or if they do see signals of interest, they write them off for some reason or another.

It happens all the time.  A student of mine will open a girl and the girl is lit up, smiling and 100% into him.

He walks away from her and comes back to me and I tell him this.  But he didn’t see it.

Signals of attraction can be tricky.  How do I know if she likes me?

Is it her smile?

The way she flips her hair?

If she asks for my phone number?

At it’s most basic level, attraction can be understood as attention.

Do you have her attention?

If she’s looking down and reading or looking away when you’re talking, then you don’t have her full attention/attraction.

If she is looking at you when you talk, then you have her attention/attraction.

But even this signal will be down-played by your social anxiety.

You’ll start to look too hard to see whether you have her attention.

“Oh wait, she looked away for a second. I guess she doesn’t like me.”

Anxiety plays all kinds of tricks on you.

In the moments where it matters, it can be almost impossible to wade through all the signals your body is sending you and try to comprehend whether she is truly attracted to you.

And some women are really good at hiding it.

A lot of women will be afraid to show it.

Instead of making a list in your head of things to look for, you want to focus on improving your acumen over the long term and becoming better at reading women’s signals.

And there’s only one way to do that.

The *only* way to improve your acumen and your ability to read women is to make the move.

You must take initiative without *checking* to see if she’s attracted to you.

In fact, this is at the heart of all confidence.

You assume that people like you and are attracted to you and you act on that assumption.

Learning to act on that assumption is what’s commonly known as confidence.

There is no way to simply believe that all women are attracted to you.

Affirmations will help. But you must take action and go from there.

You must risk the inevitable rejection we all face.

And once you start doing that on a regular basis, physical changes happen in your body and you become confident.

My basic assumption: if she’s there talking to me, she’s attracted to me. If I want to, I keep going, keep taking initiative and keep escalating.

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posted in Attraction, Sex and Escalation