Able to Approach Even with Anxiety

This morning when I looked in the mirror, I decided that approaching a girl on the subway on the way to work would be the focus of my day. I would make it the most important thing I would do today, because it’s been so hard for me to get into it for some reason.

As I walked out of the local coffee shop on the way to the train things started running through my head. I can’t remember exactly what it was, but I was thinking of every single possiblity and iteration of what could happen; what I could say and what she could say; what the best opener would be, etc. Uncertainty was eating me up inside. I started to get nervous. But I was determined to do this, no matter what.

I decided that all I had to do was say the words. That’s it. Just throw it out there. I didn’t have to care what happens after that. I could do whatever, chat, have boring conversation and I could turn around and leave at any point. All I would do was say the words.

I got onto the subway platform and started to feel a bit of relief because there was no one on the platform. The train had just left. I stopped myself from feeling that relief. I was going to do this.

I slowly walked along the platform as it began to fill up with people. I walked slow on purpose because I knew it would calm me.

I finally see this cute redhead standing reading a paper. I walked slightly past and then turned around. Another person was already standing next to her and there were about ten people in earshot.

All I have to do is say the words.

I walk up to her and say “Hi. I was just on my way to work and I wanted to come say hi.” she smiles. “My name’s Eric.”

She introduces herself. We shake hands.

“I know it’s a little early to be talking to people, but I wanted to say hi.” (yes, I said it again)

I say “Are you from around here?” She replies that she is and I ask how long she’s been living here. She asks me if I’m from around here.

“Do you like living here?” I ask. We chat a bit about the area.

“What do you do?” She tells me she’s studying to be a lawyer.

“My best friend is a lawyer,” I say. “He busts me out of jail when I get arrested.” She laughs. I’ve said that before to other people so it came to me here when I heard she was a lawyer.

I ask her what type of lawyer she’s studying to be. She says corporate lawyer.

We exchange another sentence or two.

“Well, it was nice meeting you,” I say.

To be honest I wasn’t even really trying at this point. I didn’t even care where this went. I was just happy that I’d opened her.

She says “What was your name again?” as we shake hands. I tell her and then turn around and walk away slowly.

I’m glowing. I don’t know if anyone saw it, but they could see the look on my face.

As I got onto the train I sat down next to this cutey. My god, they are all over NYC. I was tempted to talk to her but I didn’t.

And it didn’t matter. I did my approach for today and I get super extra bonus points and a gold star. I will do another one tomorrow. And this girl that’s sitting next to me? It’s a little different right now.

There are girls in my life that I talk to almost every day. But when I’m not stepping outside of myself to cold approach girls I don’t know, the hot girls I see on the street are a symbol of my powerlessness. I want them and there’s no way to get them. When I am approaching at least one girl a day, it’s a whole different ballgame. I am a different person.

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posted in Acceptance, Subway Game