Last night I met up with this girl who I picked up in the park last Tuesday. We ended up going to dinner, although I usually prefer just drinks for a lot of reasons.
This girl is amazing. Very cool and really cute, cuter than most girls I’ve gone out with before. A year ago, I would not have had such an amazing cutey in front of me and I most certainly would have dropped the ball if I did.
There were three elements that got me from point A–slightly awkward, physically unconnected, that ‘wall’ between us–to point B–heavy sexual contact and making out in a bar next door.
1. Deep rapport. This is the basis for a great date for me. You delve into all kinds of personal things. The stuff we covered in workshops is golden. She was saying things like, “I’ve never really told anyone that before.”
2. Banter and Cocky Funny. The deep rapport will give a nice connection, but to open the channels so that you can be sexual with each other, cocky funny is key. There is nothing brilliant involved, just being willing to do it is important. It’s not something I do constantly, more of a spice I sprinkle every once in a while. Some examples:
– When ordering wine I tell her not to get me drunk and take advantage or me.
– When I excuse myself to go to the bathroom I tell her not to put anything in my drink.
– It’s her turn to buy the drinks and I tell her I want a lime in mine. She says they may not have limes. I tell her if they don’t, she’ll have to go to the bar next door and get one for me.
– When I sit down next to her I ask her if me sitting this close is going to turn her on too much.
3. Physical Contact. After of course the initial hug, the physical contact starts light at dinner. I usually use physical contact, such as a tap on the knee, when I make a joke. I did one high-five at dinner. It was a little easier once we left dinner and got to a bar. Like I said, I don’t really like dinner as a first date. At the bar, I could sit next to her and cuddle up with her. Because I’d been doing some physical contact earlier on, it was easier to move into things like holding her hands, touching her hair, and putting my hands in her lap. Pretty soon I was scraping my nails up her jeans.
When you are escalating the physical contact, it’s not too difficult to make out with the girl. It’s important to me that I make out with her BEFORE we part ways and do the whole final kiss thing. It’s just too awkward and cliche to wait until you part to “go for” the kiss. Yuck. If you are making out in the bar beforehand it shows you are not afraid to go there with her. That way by the time you leave, you can still make out, but it’s not this awkward is-it-going-to-happen thing. Instead, if I’ve been escalating enough, I can make out with her and give her a smack on the ass.
posted in First Dates, Sex and EscalationCOMMENTS