One of the most important changes in becoming confident with women is spending less time “in your head” and more time being social.
When you’re “in your head,” you’re not in the moment. You’re thinking too much about what could happen or what already has happened.
Or you’re too self-conscious, focusing too much on how you’re doing it instead of doing the most important thing: taking action.
When it comes to long term improvement with women you also want to avoid keeping things “in your head.”
You may be keeping track of long-term goals as well as tracking your daily progress in your head.
But one of the best things you can do to get out of your head is to write it down.
This Saturday I had a coaching session with one of my best students named Sachin.
Is he one of my best student because he gets laid more than my other students? Nope.
Is he one of my best student because of his amazing game? His game is good, but that’s not why.
He is my best student because of his dedication and the progress he’s made.
For over two years he’s been going out religiously working on this stuff. And it shows.
Sachin keeps a record of his experiences with women. He tells me how important this is to his success.
Right now, as we begin our coaching session, I’m excited. My mind is thinking positive thoughts. I’m motivated. I want to be unstoppable. Four days out of any given week, I’m like this. I feel good. I have a lot of confidence. I’m able to open almost anyone. I can walk across the street and stop a girl and start talking to her.
But on any given day, probably three days a week–I start thinking that I’m not getting results. I start thinking that I’ll never reach my goals. I start thinking that I won’t be able to attract the kind of women I want in my life. And when that happens, it really brings down my energy.
When I go out in the evening and my confidence level is low, it’s because my mind is telling me, “You know what, dude, you’ve been working hard and not getting anywhere.” My mind is not telling me about the success that I’ve had. It tells me about my failures, like when a girl made out with me and then didn’t return my calls. It keeps playing those failures over and over and my energy goes drops. Sometimes a girl will be standing right next to me and I can’t even open my mouth.
Instead of getting down, I want to keep building my momentum.
That’s why I write my success stories in a journal.
In the journal I write:
April 4th, I went out. Within two minutes I got a number. If she didn’t reply to my texts, I wouldn’t write that.
April 7th, I went out on a first date. I wouldn’t write that she wouldn’t come to my place after the date.
April 12th, I had a date with a girl and on my way there, I picked up another girl.
Even if a girl writes a comment on my Facebook profile, I write that down, just to make myself feel better.
So when I’m feeling low, I read my journal. It says April 1st, Got a phone number. April 17th, had a date. April 23rd, got two phone numbers. It brings me out of that negative mood because I see that I’m getting results consistently.
Otherwise I keep thinking negative thoughts. I don’t write down my failures. I don’t need to. They go through my mind automatically.
After two years of doing this, even though I have my ups and downs, I now have more confidence and I’m able to open people during the day. I don’t get much anxiety overall. I’ve noticed that I can a have very deep conversation with a random stranger that I just met in a grocery store. I’m able to be myself. I don’t care what people think about me, whether I’m coming across as confident or not. I’m just having fun. When I talk to a person, I really try to connect with them on an emotional level. It’s a very deep and intense conversation where everything stops and we are both looking at each other.
Sachin’s dedication helps him immensely. And it shows. When I work with him, my job as a coach is fairly easy. He’s practiced this stuff so much, that I can easily pick out what he needs to change. And he can pick up on it right away. When we go out together, he’s not struggling with every little thing. And it’s all because he has practiced so much.
Aside from keeping a journal, there are a few other ways you can stop keeping track of things “in your head” and start writing it down.
Start a blog. For me, this is one of the best things. Not only do I record my successes, I also analyze my failures and carefully keep track of what I learned, even if it’s just my own feelings. By writing it down, it lays everything out in my mind and helps me to remember it. Think reading things helps you learn? Try writing it down!
Make a spreadsheet and put gold foil stars on it. A perfect way to keep yourself motivated is to create a spreadsheet of the action you want to take. Want to ask three women for directions every day or do one direct opening every day for 30 days? Make a spreadsheet. Get yourself some gold foil stars and put one down each time you complete a task.
I recommend choosing tasks based on your ability to take initiative rather than women’s responses. In other words, it’s a better goal to take initiative to introduce yourself to a woman every day rather than get a phone number. The second is more dependent on the reaction of others.
Comment on blogs and forums. There are guys on the Approach Forum who keep track of experiences. This is excellent. Post on the forum. Answer other people’s questions. It’s so inspiring to read about other guys out there going through something similar. And the guys who post here are some of the coolest guys in the world, extremely supportive and helpful.
Write down long term goals. Instead of just making your goal to “be better with women,” write down your specific, achievable long-term goals. You can even put it in your wallet and carry it around with you everywhere you go.
Sachin was having trouble with flakes when he came to me today. But by the end of the session he’s meeting women and not only are they asking him for his phone number, but they are texting him first.
The most important changes that are happening are unnoticeable to you. Those are the changes that happen long term from the hard work you put in over time.
Don’t let your progress float adrift in the chaotic waters of your mind, affected by the day-to-day waves of emotions and discouragement.
Write it down!
posted in Self-Improvement StrategiesCOMMENTS