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  • in reply to: Taking Action (Mechanics) #73895


    She’s in her early twenties.

    She grew up very sheltered and is just beginning to figure out how to balance a demanding job with relationships, etc.

    She apologized a second time. We have spoken a few times since, but nothing extensive. She mostly reaches out when she’s drunk.

    I’ve got better things (and people) to deal with.

    in reply to: Taking Action (Mechanics) #73860

    We don’t live together.

    She comes to town every once in a while for work / visiting. We have a lot of mutual friends.

    She’s acquainted with my housemates — hence why she was able to come over before I was home.

    There has been interest between us for a few months. Yet, the physical distance, along with her shyness (she grew up being very sheltered) and work schedule has limited the speed at which I can escalate things.

    And yes, she did “steal” my phone and leave without me.

    in reply to: After disappearing (advice) #73803

    Thanks again, Eric.

    Now that I think about it, I never should’ve met up with her on the night I snapped. She initiated the meeting, only after flaking on me that afternoon.

    She had also cut off our previous three dates shortly (you guessed it, right after we’d bang) — without telling me in advance.

    Instead of being patient, and only showing her as much affection as she deserved, I tried to force things. Aside from becoming emotionally invested in her, I became emotionally invested in achieving a label. I became results-dependent.

    This approach was a complete 360 from what I had been doing in the fall… and it showed.

    The freefall, however, really began at the bar.

    I knew that ignoring her was the right thing to do. I could see her out of the corner of my eye, giving me anxious glances one second, desperately trying to flirt with a few of my fraternity brothers the next.

    I knew what I had to do, but I didn’t have the discipline to stick with it.

    The moment I fell for her ambush outside the bathroom, I opened myself up to all her overblown tantrums… and more.

    I spilled out my own insecurities about our relationship — stuff that she’d later abuse 100%.

    Our argument that night turned me into a mess. She initiated our “talks” and coffee date the following week… but my inability to disappear allowed everything afterward to be on her terms.

    in reply to: After disappearing (advice) #73801

    Thanks so much, Eric.

    What did you mean by “Take action instead”?

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