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She’s in her early twenties.
She grew up very sheltered and is just beginning to figure out how to balance a demanding job with relationships, etc.
She apologized a second time. We have spoken a few times since, but nothing extensive. She mostly reaches out when she’s drunk.
I’ve got better things (and people) to deal with.
We don’t live together.
She comes to town every once in a while for work / visiting. We have a lot of mutual friends.
She’s acquainted with my housemates — hence why she was able to come over before I was home.
There has been interest between us for a few months. Yet, the physical distance, along with her shyness (she grew up being very sheltered) and work schedule has limited the speed at which I can escalate things.
And yes, she did “steal” my phone and leave without me.
Thanks again, Eric.
Now that I think about it, I never should’ve met up with her on the night I snapped. She initiated the meeting, only after flaking on me that afternoon.
She had also cut off our previous three dates shortly (you guessed it, right after we’d bang) — without telling me in advance.
Instead of being patient, and only showing her as much affection as she deserved, I tried to force things. Aside from becoming emotionally invested in her, I became emotionally invested in achieving a label. I became results-dependent.
This approach was a complete 360 from what I had been doing in the fall… and it showed.
The freefall, however, really began at the bar.
I knew that ignoring her was the right thing to do. I could see her out of the corner of my eye, giving me anxious glances one second, desperately trying to flirt with a few of my fraternity brothers the next.
I knew what I had to do, but I didn’t have the discipline to stick with it.
The moment I fell for her ambush outside the bathroom, I opened myself up to all her overblown tantrums… and more.
I spilled out my own insecurities about our relationship — stuff that she’d later abuse 100%.
Our argument that night turned me into a mess. She initiated our “talks” and coffee date the following week… but my inability to disappear allowed everything afterward to be on her terms.
Thanks so much, Eric.
What did you mean by “Take action instead”?