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I never get resistance. Never ever. My first dates are 45 minutes long, and most of my second dates start at my place, so the lack of resistance is unrelated to the length of time we’ve spent together or the velocity with which we are moving towards the bedroom.
Even so, most girls complain I’m not moving fast enough! One relatively recent date wrote to ask why I wouldn’t make out with her in my car on our second date. When I finally invited my last gf to my place for movie night – after previously spending a couple of hours with her – she enthusiastically told her friend, “Finally, I’m getting laid!”
Here is why I think I never get resistance.
Resistance is not the problem. It’s a side effect of women’s uncertainty about your value. When they are certain of your value, the flimsiest of excuses are enough to get them to sleep with you.
So while I get no resistance, I do lose girls in other parts of the process, mostly when I first meet them and push them way, way beyond their comfort zones. After jumping through all of those hoops, the invitation to my place is getting a virtually certain acceptance.
Here is my advice to those of you who are getting a lot of resistance. Instead of working on overcoming resistance, work on creating value. Lose them up front. It’s cheap. Go on dates only with girls who have the correct perception of you.
So ok, you’ve done all of this, and you still get resistance. What should you do? Get up, adjust your pants, and say “Ok. Enough wrestling practice. It’s getting late and I’m exhausted. Going home to get some sleep.” Don’t tell them you’re going to see them again. Don’t tell them it was fun. Nothing. Smile, give them a hug, and walk out. Be prepared for more compliance on your next date.
Why does this work? The most valuable thing you have is YOU. When she’s not giving you what you want, you have every right to take the YOU out of the picture. Is it punishment? No. It’s just you expressing your unhappiness about what’s going on. That’s not manipulation. It’s a legitimate expression of your feelings. Don’t debate, don’t discuss, don’t beg. Just take the YOU out of the picture. You have every right to express your unhappiness. Don’t pretend it doesn’t matter when, deep down, you know it does.
Saying she’s interested in getting to know more about you is buy-in and you shouldn’t blow it off. Don’t be glib. You can easily over-game her. Give her some info. Tell her a little story about yourself, something that reveals a little of your personality. You can then cut it off by saying something like this “enough! i’m not a big email guy. the next time you’re in london, you can interrogate me in person. bring the handcuffs, the bright lights, and the truth serum, and between gasps for air, i’ll mumble (almost) all of my secrets :)”. I wouldn’t ask her out now. I would wait until she gives you an approximate date. Meanwhile, you can send her a short text or a link every two or three days. Don’t over-text. It’s needy and it shows that, even with a very uncertain reward, this success is important to you. It shouldn’t be.
–LeeApril 18, 2015 at 5:09 pm in reply to: Walking away strategically vs building more rapport #73122
Balls, man! I gotta give it to you. You’re taking big chances, as you should be. Take note, everyone. I will have to answer your question a little later because it’s a good one and requires some in depth analysis, but I wanted to give you a thumbs up first because what you’re doing is great.
I disagree with MrAntiquity. I attribute your success to the fact that you put this whole thing into its proper perspective. She was just a hot girl in a bar. There are plenty of those. You didn’t know anything about her and you acted accordingly. You were willing to walk away when she wasn’t giving you what you wanted. This is what you should always do. Approach fearlessly. Banter, tease, and challenge fearlessly. Don’t treat them like they’re the most valuable thing in the world. Be willing to walk away.
The whole thing has a dickless orbiter feel to me. You are not in charge and she is not excited. As always, text is not the deciding factor, but if she’s already a little bit on the fence, it may be enough to kill the vibe.
It depends on how much leverage you have with her and where you left it when you last saw her. If you have a lot of leverage, I like to respond with “:-) what took you so long?” I walk away from my sets with a lot of leverage, and this message works very well when the leverage is in your favor. You can also try something more playful: “you! i thought i blocked you! 🙂 just kidding. so good to hear from you” Note the lowercase texts. What does it say? I’m not putting in much effort.
Don’t banter back and forth too much. It feels like you’re building a connection but all you’re really doing is showing her that you have a lot of time on your hands and probably don’t have many other prospects. One or two texts, then tell her where to meet you: “this wednesday. 9pm. pegu club. yummy cocktails. i will be bringing a hurricane of charm. will your levees hold up?” Make it fun. Make it flirty. Challenge her. Don’t let her snooze out. (BTW, if she answers, “My levees are plenty strong”, I say “bzzzzzt. wrong answer. what man wants a woman with impenetrable levees?”)
I am not a believer in giving lots of eye contact. There are experiments that show that lots of eye contact is what subordinates gives to their superiors when what’s at stake is really important to them. Most of game is about mimicking the behavior of the most valuable men. These men are typically more skeptical of women – even the most desirable women – and are more likely to display what studies call “disengagement behavior”. In the beginning of a relationship – for the first couple of months of dating – the most valuable men do not typically treat women as if they have already made up their minds that these women are good enough for them. That’s consistent with the general advice I gave you before your date.
I don’t think anyone can answer that question because it is so open ended. Here is some general stuff to think about. In my opinion, the best first dates are short and they end when the man says he has to go. That’s exactly the opposite of what most women expect, which is why it works. You can say you had fun but you should say nothing that assures her she’ll see you again. Don’t make dinner dates. They show too much commitment. One or two drinks or even coffee. I love asking girls to afternoon coffee dates. It makes them feel like the date is not that important to me, and they’re right. It’s not important. It’s just the first step to figuring out if I like them. Don’t banter too much by text before the first date. It shows that you have nothing better to do than write back and forth with a girl you hardly know. You’re busy. You have other things going on, and, presumably, some of those other things you have going on are dates with other women. On the date, touch her, tease her, and talk about sexual topics. Qualify the crap out of her. If you love reading, ask her if she does too. Ask her what she’s read. Don’t give her a free pass on achievement and experience. Girls love it when you don’t try to kiss their asses.
I agree with the guys that focusing on the address was a bad idea. You should have made plans then, when your plans were concrete – when you knew what time you were going to pick her up – told her to give you her address.
Regarding your other question, there are so many different forms of resistance that there is no one strategy for handling them all. What kind of resistance do you anticipate? What kind of date are you going on?
Awesome example of game! That’s exactly what I call reversing the power dynamic. Girls WILL chase you and they WILL ask you out if you behave like the most desirable men. Walking away when you’re not getting full attention is what the most desirable men routinely do. They have plenty of options and girls know it.
Thanks to all for the kind words and good wishes! I’ve always thought of myself as the good guy in this sleazy, dirty biz, and I hope my daughter feels the same way when she’s old enough to ask what her daddy was doing around the time she was born.
Having a long, friendly conversation and then trying to turn up the heat at the end is probably the hardest thing you can do. Her opinion of you has already formed and by trying to be sexy, you are probably going to creep her out. You have to start gradually turning up the heat at the very beginning. It makes sense. If you want to see her again, you’re at least physically attracted and she knows it. So why aren’t you showing any sexual interest? Are you shy? Do you know how to handle yourself around women you like? Then, suddenly, you switch gears. Awkward city!
Great examples from Cartoox!
I’m sure there’s such a thing as too much sexual interest. Very, very rarely, I get blown out for saying something too sexy or touching her before she’s ready. However, 99.9% of guys have the opposite problem. They’re not taking enough risk. Here’s the thing to remember. It’s not just a successful display of sexual interest that works in your favor. Sometimes, you will fail, and she will reprimand you for going too far, but even in failure, you’ve demonstrated an important quality, that you are not afraid to fail. So even though you failed, you have set the stage for your follow up success. You get points for being fearless, even when she’s not ready to give you exactly what you want.
Here are ways to express sexual interest.
Touch – The gold standard of sexual interest is touch. If you can touch her, you should. One way to start touching her is to get close enough to her to use touch to punctuate the conversation. Hugging also works. When you ask her a tough question and she gives you a good answer, spread your arms and go in for the hug. In the approach, I give her as many hugs as I can. When you’re comfortable, you won’t just touch and withdraw, you’ll leave your hand there, either holding her hand or leaving your arm around her.
Compliments – Don’t just compliment. Make your compliments over the top sexy. I can best illustrate this by providing an example: “That is a sexy, sexy outfit.” Pause. “If you were mine, I would rip that outfit off you with my teeth.”
Flirting – Example: “Look around this room. You’re an attractive woman. Suppose you were to walk around propositioning men and I were to walk around propositioning women, who do you think would do better?” They always say they would, to which I say, “Well, that really depends on what you think is ‘better’. In a way, you’re right. If you approach 10 guys, 9 are going to say yes to you. Even most married guys would. They will all fuck you if you let them, but here’s the kicker. You won’t know which of them really like you. Meanwhile, I will approach 10 girls and get 9 no’s and 1 yes, but when I do get a yes, chances are that the girl I approached likes me. So, who’s doing better, you or me?” My flirting is sexy and interactive, but it also makes them think.
Stories – Tell sexy stories and inject sex into ordinary conversation. Sex is part of virtually every element of my approach, even my description of what I do (which has nothing to do with sex) has elements of sex in it. Showing women that you don’t follow the rules of polite society is very powerful. Rules are made for followers not leaders.
Bad strategies sometimes succeed and good strategies most often fail, but the ideal approach is one in which a man expresses sexual interest but holds off on emotional investment and a woman expresses emotional investment but holds off on sexual interest. This interaction exactly mirrors the behavior of the most desirable men and women in the study I posted. The most desirable men are more promiscuous, and the most desirable women are more sexually selective. So if you want her to see you as one of these desirable men, express your sexual interest as soon as you feel it. Are there exceptions? I once gave a talk to a large crowd at a prestigious event. At the cocktail party that followed, three different attractive women asked for my contact info. If you can project that kind of status on a regular basis, there is little you need to do to meet women.