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If I were you…
I would not ask her out again and go on with my life. But I wouldn’t stop trying either. Maybe a few weeks down the road or maybe a month go by then try pinging her again. She might be in a different position, had forgotten about you and now she remembered you again, and because some time has gone by, she might be okay to seeing you again (esp if she still hasn’t found someone else). If you get her out again, escalate escalate! plan out your date thoroughly to where you can get her in bed. After sex (if you get to that point) don’t act any different and still treat her how you were, but maybe a little nicer? Try to connect with her and have her invest in you. After that, when I feel like the girl has invested a decent amount of her time into me, I will push her away, slow texting, shorter messages, etc. The girls I’ve met at this point begin to wonder about me more and more. I am more in control at this point and from there I decide whether she’s a girl I just want to have sex with or something more. Good luck! Hope you’ll see this message some day!
And yes I do really miss this forum! I was here during my early days and learned so much from Eric and his site. I hope it comes back because these guys are truly helpful! 🙂
I have told myself SO many times that there’s plenty of girls out there, so I should move on and keep searching. And just like you say… I move on. Because I don’t want to seem like I’m chasing her too hard and lose my value.
Why can’t it be that I am just being persistent in going after what I want? Without looking needy or what-not. I know I can move on from this girl. She’s not ALL I got, but I want to know that I have at least put some effort towards getting her to meet me.
I always move on in situations like this all the time in the past, and I can’t seem to get the girls I truly desire. Mainly because I feel like I give up too soon or I feel she her values are too high.
I do get enough girls and even some hot ones, but when it comes to connecting with them I feel zero connection. Only the sex is good. After that, it’s done and over and most likely I won’t see them again.
I’ve never had a LTR. I sometimes feel if I’ll ever be able to love someone. Or sometimes I wonder if I just haven’t found the right girl.
And maybe I haven’t because the ones I THINK could be a potential gf I give up too soon and move on. Then I’m back in the loop again of getting girls I just get for short term or one night stands.
I want to change this around and aim more towards finding a girl (like the one I’ve mentioned) to try a long term.
If that means I keep trying then, I will. Having lots of girls is a good feeling, but after awhile it gets kinna old to me and I want to aim for one quality girl and try to focus on her. Or else I keep continuing the loop of finding the girl, sleeping with her, then find a new girl.
This is the reason I stress that I want some advice how I can achieve getting THIS particular girl I mentioned.
And IF it doesn’t work out between us, then fuck it. I’ll move on, but at least for the next time when I meet a girl like her again I won’t give up too soon and actually work on getting her.
Lee. You knock so much truth into me, it hurts.
just last night, I met this swedish flight attendant for the second time. She hits me up letting me know she’ll be in town for 36 hrs. We grab some quick dinner and right away we head over to her hotel room.
This girl was so incredibly sexy I swear I was falling for her only bc of her looks (as u mentioned). I lowered my value bc I was just so turned on by this girl I was chasing sex AFTER we had sex. Twice.
In the back of my mind I knew she was leaving tmr and I wanted to fuck her as much as I can while she was laying naked next to me.
Of course what did I do? I stayed the night with her. But this time as you’ve mentioned I left early in the morning. Which she seemed perfectly okay with.
I knew I had a bad feeling by her reaction. Early she 87had asked me if she wanted to go shopping with her tmr. I said okay. (Stupid)
Next day comes (today) she tells me her flight back home turned out to be earlier and that she won’t have time to hang out tonight.
Irritated and a bit of that heart broken feelin. Not like a oneitus but still shitty. I say goodbye to her n have a safe flight back. She mentions hanging out again when she comes back. Who knows.
I gave in to a lot of temptation with her only bc the time we had was so limited. But in turn that really didn’t help me out either.
I do try and really implement what u tell me but that temptation is what fucks it up for me. You teach great self discipline and that’s what I need to work on.
What makes a good date? So that she’ll think about me and would WANT to see me again instead of me trying to push for the second?
The reason I ask this is because I really want to change my strategy. I don’t have much of a problem getting the girls out at first. A good amount of girls get interested in me at first. Then I’m either moving too fast or not showing enough care I blow it on the first date.
I have a few new dates coming up this week actually and I want to do it differently. Is it REALLY important to push sex on the first towards the end of the night? My thoughts were always yes and do it fast.
I wonder though, if I don’t even try and just hang out and have fun/flirty/sexy will that leave a good enough impression for her to see me again? Or will it be that she’ll still likely be having second thoughts about me because there was no sex? And that she’s thinking maybe I would make a friend bc there was no sex.
I want to really master this first date thing.
Could someone give me an example of a good first date looks like, so I can go off that example and actually not scare these girls away. Even after sex.
Lee, you definitely painted a clear picture in my head when you described how I would value the girl if she gave it up too soon. It’s so funny bc it excites me so much in the begining when the girl is okay to sleep with me so fast, but afterwards I feel she has no value and I lose interest pretty fast.
Introverted playboy, I’m relieved to know there’s guys who have/had the same problems as me. hah. I’ll tell you a brief history of how I think I got to this mentality, bc obviously I didn’t always have the same perception:
In all my previous readings I learned to move fast. At first, I didn’t move fast enough and didn’t get the girl, then after taking new bolder steps, I gradually begin to take girls on instant dates (I stopped doing instant dates btw), kiss on same day, then eventually sleeping with the girl on the same day.
My ego got big and I thought I proved myself eveything, then as time passes, I began to feel I needed something more. That means, prettier girls, more girls, different nationalities, etc. I just wanted to preove myself I can do these things. But in the back of my mind I wanted to find that special girl. All these girls I’ve met never striked me as that “special girl”, I could see as a long term partner. I’m not seeking for one either, but in the back of my mind that is what I ultimately want. Even when I meet a pretty girl in the beginning and take her out or even have sex with her, I think I could see her as long term, but that quickly changes.
It’s weird for me. It’s almost like that special girl is just a fantasy I’m living in my head and she’s only an illusion. And the real girls are there to satisfy my need for the time till I find her.
I’m moving girls much much faster than I used to. So yes, I’ve developed that mentality of “so what if I lose her?” In doing so, sometimes I’ll even initiate sex less than an hour of knowing her, which I’ve got in the past. But I see it as a selfish move. In return, they all view me as the “One Night Stand Guy” Never wanting to see me again. That brings me down sometimes, but I keep it moving.
I feel like I’m in a stuck situation which is hard for me to steer away. With this girl in the post, I can care less if I lose her or if I don’t see her again. I only want to see her again for the sole purpose of sex. Like a drug, finding a quick fix and if I don’t have it, it bothers me. (maybe I feel this way bc I used to be an addict when I was younger for a long time? I don’t know).
Anyways to be honest, I would like to find that one girl, but I wonder how fast I’ll get bored of her. I don’t know because I’ve never had a true true relationship before.
That is why I believe I’m moving girls too fast these days. I just don’t care, But I only want the satisfaction they’ll see me again for sex. At the same time I would like a girl I can spend quality time with. This shit is even complicating to me. haha.
I see what you mean lee.
And yes, that is what I should have done.
Although, there has been times when i’ve stuck around after sex and the girl still wants to see me again. There’s also been times when i’ve left after the sex and she still didn’t want see me again. I’ve tried many ways. I do stick around more often than leave however, so I will start working on leaving an uncertainty in the girls mind.
Thanks introverted playboy.
Yeah. I go through so many different results it’s funny. I’m always trying to move things fast. But I wonder if I move too fast sometimes. Because if I do, I feel like the girl knows all I want is sex. Nowadays, I go on numerous dates, but they don’t always turn out how I want them to. I’ll give you a few examples…
The other week. I take this girl out for a quick bite of pizza, then after that we go back to her place. She’ll fool around, but she won’t go any further. Not even taking her clothes off. Believe me I played push n pull with this girl. When she didn’t want to even kiss me at first. I backed away and she gave me an excuse that she was getting cold. So, I went in to grab her and pull her in again. Finally she makes out with me, but everything else was a no. She did not return my texts after our date. Fml.
Just today, I take a girl out. We grab a coffee, go for a walk. I make the move she backs away saying this is not what she thought was gonna happen and that she just wanted to be friends. Time waster. I quickly told her that’s not what I want and we split.
Last weekend I meet a girl alone. She tells me she has a boyfriend.
These girls know that I wanted to take them out alone. I flirt with them give them little hints and yet they still agreed to come and meet me alone, but at the last minute they say or do something else.
Of course this doesn’t happen all the time, but it feels like its been happening more recently.
I have problems getting the girl out again. Or I just give up bc I keep finding new dates and not care about the old ones. Then sometimes when the new ones don’t work out, I try to go back to the old ones, but they’ve already forgot all about me. Or don’t want to meet again.
I hope you guys can follow what i’m talking about lol. I’m just typing my thoughts really fast.
Here’s how my dates usually looks like:
Find, approach 5-10 min chat, exchange numbers, text a meeting time, meet, grab eats or coffee 20-30 mins, take her to a park or outside to sit, then I go for the make out…
This is the point where I see if she’s into me or not… sometimes it gets awkward and I know this is not going anywhere, so I usually just slit ways. Or if it works then its to the bedroom. Recently there’s been a lot of awkwardness.
Is it that i’m moving too fast? Not connecting emotionally? Not deep diving? I need some explanation why these girls i’m meeting even after sex won’t get back with me.
Its a lot I wanted to vent out. Haha.
This is the only forum I turn to for real help though.
This was a great fucking topic.