I know a couple of super over-achievers, friends of friends who are famous for things they did or are currently doing. The things they are doing are marvelous, but a while back, I came to an interesting conclusion about them. The fact that they’re doing interesting things does not make them interesting to talk to.
In fact, some of my conversations with these super over-achievers were among my most boring. Why? Because these conversations were almost exclusively about them. I could have watched a documentary and it would have been more interesting for me. There was no connection back to me. I asked them questions about themselves and they answered. Zero connection. Connection is a two way street. Yes, you have to ask, but if you can’t bring the conversation back to your interests and what is important to you, there will be no connection.
Here’s a simple formula for quickly making a connection. Talk about the things that are important to you. Ask questions about things that are important to you. Leave it to the woman to ask questions about things that are important to her. Sometimes she will, and sometimes she won’t, but it’s not your job to worry about her concerns. It’s your job to worry about yours. If your life is interesting and you have lots going on, simply asking her about the things that matter to you will create an interesting conversation.
This conversation is a two way street. She may not be talking about her interests but she is being asked to comment on yours. Ask her tough questions, questions that reveal interesting things about her. Don’t make it easy for her to answer. Have her work for it. There is nothing more attractive to a woman than walking away from an interesting conversation with an extraordinary stranger with the idea that she managed to win him over. But for her to have that sense of satisfaction, you can’t make it easy for her.
–Lee
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