Upcoming Date

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    So when some people get extreme in applying a method, you start thinking the method isn’t working. If I get you correctly, you assume in some part of your mind that ABC and making the girl come to you don’t go along with each other very well, and this is why you’re still bringing assumptions. If she was interested in so many things, compliant, touching me and other things that I can tell you about, what’s your point in telling someone “steamroll your way through the whole process”. This is known to me and it’s not my question.

    Also, if you are OK with enlightening me with your unique way in how you make someone trust you’re telling the truth, and where you look, I’d appreciate learning about this, although it’s not my original topic. Because all the self improvement stuff that I know say look them in the eyes. Let’s say he or she’s your boss or subordinate or a girl you’d like to engage sexually with her.

    With all respect to you and how to think.




    Not really decided. And to me it doesn’t matter if someone agrees with me or not. Because we’re all different. But I want to stick to my question. If you say you’d do this in the situation of my question, I may or may not agree with you, but I’ll always appreciate that you’ve given me your opinion where I wanted it. And if you think you can help me with other things, you’re welcome to asked about details and I’ll share with you so you don’t have to make less than useful assumptions.


    I am not a believer in giving lots of eye contact. There are experiments that show that lots of eye contact is what subordinates gives to their superiors when what’s at stake is really important to them. Most of game is about mimicking the behavior of the most valuable men. These men are typically more skeptical of women – even the most desirable women – and are more likely to display what studies call “disengagement behavior”. In the beginning of a relationship – for the first couple of months of dating – the most valuable men do not typically treat women as if they have already made up their minds that these women are good enough for them. That’s consistent with the general advice I gave you before your date.



    I know you’re renowned for getting girls which alone means there is something you do correctly that is getting you those results. And since it isn’t what you call ‘lots of eye contact’, it must be something else. And whatever that is, it is worth learning by other guys including myself.

    On the other hand, there are other renowned guys who emphasise the criticality of eye contact in all phases of seduction. And I think their method is worth learning by us as well. But regardless, this is a big subject in its own and I did not intend to discuss it here. And didn’t ask about it either.

    But where in my story do you see I did that ‘lots of eye contact’ kind of thing? Does her reaction to my expressing about kissing her supports your conclusion? And by the way, this was the only intense eye contact that I gave her which lasted maybe 5 or 6 seconds. So if you’re interested in finding out how I went with the eye contact throughout that date, you’re welcome to simply ask or how do you expect your advice to be useful when you’re addressing a ‘problem’ which did not exist?

    I appreciate your effort in sharing that scientific research, although I find it irrelevant to my situation. But I really appreciate you’re making an effort to help me.


    PS yesterday, I kissed a girl that I see for the first time. If you ask me I give the credit to my eye contact.


    There’s different kinds of eye contact. Lee’s job example is a good example of the advice usually doled out to people looking for a job–basically that looking directly at the person who’s talking to you (i.e. the interviewer) shows some degree of both confidence and respect — since this person may be your boss you don’t want to keep looking at the floor if you’re trying to get a job.

    In dating, eye contact is useful — for those who have this particular sense (I don’t) — to catch initial glimpses to see if someone may be interested or if they are scoping you out. BUT although people talk about this skill all the time, it is really NOT very important and many of us never develop that skill. It’s helpful but not at all essential.

    Eye contact is also important in escalation/seduction — if you say something without the gaze to match (a compliment, an indication that you might kiss a girl, whatever), it’s a real social/sexual disconnect. In those cases, looking away communicates that closeness/sexual tension frighten you. For example, holding hands while looking away is comfortable–holding hands while looking at someone is positive sexual tension. It says “I’m considering making a move, and we both know it.” While it’s possible that the first situation COULD lead to something sexual, it’s really asking the girl to take initiative because you’re afraid. The second situation is the interaction you want.

    But as for eye contact during a conversation–that’s really nothing but normal social awareness. Looking away repeatedly (and maybe inadvertently) because you’re timid is not a good thing–but looking away sometimes because you happen to feel like it is absolutely fine and can itself show confidence.

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