April 5, 2015 at 12:30 pm #73049
I met this girl while travelling. She is a successful young business woman and very attractive. I am not into strong women but she was nice and generous with me. Now she’s on a business trip in a town near mine (like an hour drive). I called her last Sunday and she suggested we meet for a coffee. I asked her to send me her address, but she didn’t. I ignored her intentionally for a week and called her yesterday and suggested meeting up. I told her that I will be in that town on Monday and Wednesday. She showed great happiness to hear from me and great eagerness to meet up before she leaves on 23rd (which is still far! I know she feels something for me). She said she’d send me her address but didn’t. I called her today to confirm about Monday. She said she’d send her address after work.
I feel from when I met her the first time and from now that she’s somewhat a flake, but am not saying she’ll flake with me necessarily. In fact I expect she’ll show up. I only want to meet her to see what I can do, and I’ll try out the ABC strategy (always be closing).
The reason I’m posting this is that I hope someone (hopefully The_Hurricane or another advanced guy) would draw my attention to something that can help me with this adventure. I am basically interested in how to steer through her potential tenancy to lead or to resist my escalation like when I take her somewhere or when I touch her. But everyone is welcome to share their experience.
Thanks,April 5, 2015 at 2:15 pm #73055
I’m no expert, but it sounds like this is a ‘yes’ girl. So really you don’t have to game her that much, you just have to not fuck it up.
I’m not sure why you were asking for her address – maybe there’s a good reason – but to me that sounds a little over-eager. In the text messaging age we live in, calling her is possibly a bit over-eager too. But it sounds like it helped.
I think if you are a little bit more chill with her, you can save it. There’s no reason to think she is a flaky girl at this point. If you do get the date, proceed as normal.April 5, 2015 at 2:47 pm #73057CartooxParticipant
@ mobileX – I’m not sure why you want her address…? Why not just ask her out to meet you for drinks at a bar or cafe in that town and see if you can escalate…..
I dont know the dynamics of your conversation / communication with her, but in general asking for her address makes it sound almost like you want to come over just for sex….April 6, 2015 at 5:20 am #73061
Thank you guys for your feedback. I was wishing I get some hands on experiences. The reason I asked for her address because she told me she doesn’t have transport and because I feel more comfortable taking her wherever I want if I take her in her car. And I don’t text girls most of the time. I prefer to talk on phone, and they should realise I’m like that. I think I can show how outcome independent I am with more important things like what I convey rather than the mean of conveying it.
So my interest in the kind of feedback I’d like to hear remains the same which is about how to manage different potential resistances that she might show based on her strong personality.
Thanks again for sharing your opinions!April 6, 2015 at 5:32 am #73062
Last night she texted me with “Can you come on Skype? I’d like to send you my address”. You know she’s in the other town. I replied “I’m in … mall checking out the new offers. Send on my phone. Take are,”. After a while, she replied with her address, but a street name didn’t look right. I called her and verified it. She was still in the office and in the middle of our conversation she started to talk to someone from work without saying “excuse me” or something as I thought appropriate in that context. But anyway, she still sounded interested and we’ll see how much and in what when we meet.April 6, 2015 at 2:20 pm #73072The_HurricaneKeymaster
I agree with the guys that focusing on the address was a bad idea. You should have made plans then, when your plans were concrete – when you knew what time you were going to pick her up – told her to give you her address.
Regarding your other question, there are so many different forms of resistance that there is no one strategy for handling them all. What kind of resistance do you anticipate? What kind of date are you going on?
–LeeApril 6, 2015 at 3:15 pm #73074
Thank you Lee for passing by, I’m not sure you got me. The plan was to go for a coffee and because she doesn’t have car and doesn’t know the city very well I told her “no problem, I pick you up, send me your address” and she agreed and asked me whether to send it on Skype or to my phone. I still think there was nothing wrong in that. What supports this is that when she didn’t send, I ignored her for a week to let her know that I don’t comply with her and that without her helping me, we’d never meet and I wouldn’t care. She was like couldn’t believe I called again and was worried not to see me before 23rd which is still far! That’s why I believe that was a resistance kind of thing.
But because you mentioned it, I’ll pay more attention to how it may happen next time.
Anyway, the potential resistance.. she already called me after all of that and asked me if I can take her to a bar as 2 of ‘her friends’ invited her. I said “if you’d like to go to the bar, you can and I’ll come to you on another day”. “don’t you wanna come with me to the bar?” she asked. “no” I assertively answered. her: I’ll cancel with my friends because I have work next morning … me: I’d like to have fun time only me and you … etc.
As a strong business woman, I expect lots of humps to her vagina. I just like to hear few different examples of how to drive on them more smoothly, because I cannot write about every small details to let you exactly how each and every thing has been going so far in order for you to give me full analysis of what went wrong and right.April 6, 2015 at 11:47 pm #73076The_HurricaneKeymaster
I don’t think anyone can answer that question because it is so open ended. Here is some general stuff to think about. In my opinion, the best first dates are short and they end when the man says he has to go. That’s exactly the opposite of what most women expect, which is why it works. You can say you had fun but you should say nothing that assures her she’ll see you again. Don’t make dinner dates. They show too much commitment. One or two drinks or even coffee. I love asking girls to afternoon coffee dates. It makes them feel like the date is not that important to me, and they’re right. It’s not important. It’s just the first step to figuring out if I like them. Don’t banter too much by text before the first date. It shows that you have nothing better to do than write back and forth with a girl you hardly know. You’re busy. You have other things going on, and, presumably, some of those other things you have going on are dates with other women. On the date, touch her, tease her, and talk about sexual topics. Qualify the crap out of her. If you love reading, ask her if she does too. Ask her what she’s read. Don’t give her a free pass on achievement and experience. Girls love it when you don’t try to kiss their asses.
–LeeApril 7, 2015 at 5:50 pm #73077
We met and she was so happy to see me again. I parked my car before calling her so I could give her a hug. I hugged her and kissed her on the side of her face and complimented her new and attractive hairstyle. I did that to make it obvious that I am not seeing her just as a friend. While waiting to cross the road I bent my arm and asked her to hook but she refused (resistance). I didn’t know how to deal with this and whether it was useful to try it again later. Some other kino went very well. We said we’d go to coffee but the mall was closing and we ended up at the food court so we had dinner. You may not like it but I think it came across natural and unplanned. I paid for it because she paid when we met in her home city several months ago. Beside that clear physical resistance, she was easy to lead in where to go, where to walk, what to eat, where to sit (side by side) and in coming close, leaning on me and taking a selfie with me. She laugh a lot and asked me why I look in her eyes and complimented me a lot throughout the evening.
But the logistics were bad. I don’t have a room in this city and she is living with her business partner (not sexual interest at least not from her side)
She asked me if we can meet again. I suggested showing her my city in the weekend. She got a bit worried. I looked her in the eyes and told her we wouldn’t do anything unless it feels right and comfortable to both of us. She said she trusted me, but she had couple of other excuses. She said she’d think and let me know. She was so apologetic. I looked in her eyes again and told her she didn’t have to worry about me.. I love she comes with me but I’m find if she cannot. But she remained apologetic.
Now she wants me to go with her to a bar on Thursday with 2 other couples, but I rejected the offer. She insist I take her somewhere on Friday. I told her let me think of something to do.
It isn’t possible to put down every detail but she looks very submissive with me and dependant on my decisions and eager to meet, but I’m confused also. If I take her for a day activity in the city where she lives now, I’m afraid to emphasise the friendship frame. And if I take her to a club, none of us looks like a club person and I’m afraid to screw things up.
So fuzzy!April 7, 2015 at 6:11 pm #73078
I think you are doing ok man, but it sounds like you are quite an intense guy. Too much kino, eye contact etc too soon might be what’s making her apprehensive.
Day activities do not automatically mean the friendzone. Why don’t you just take her to a bar?April 8, 2015 at 6:26 am #73082
Too much kino, eye contact! where did I say that? What was her reaction?
She kinoed me also and it was a single time that I looked deep in her eyes and she hat question while smiling so pleasantly. I told her if we’d not been eating, I’d have kissed her. She laughed and said “another time?”.
Man these are all very good stuff that I did. I would be happy for you and compliment you if you tell me you did stuff like that, and I’d move to answering your questions instead of telling you that you did too much.
Yes, Day activities do not automatically mean FZ but it depends on how I manage them plus her bad logistics. And I have no confidence in doing something good in a bar especially if she brings some friends plus her bad logistics. Still I think her momentum in wanting to meet me again should be handy somehow if I know what I could have done better on day 1.
Anyway, thanks for your feedback. MXApril 8, 2015 at 3:13 pm #73083
Dude, you mentioned looking into her eyes three times in your post about the date, you also mentioned her being a bit apprehensive and not wanting to take your hand. It’s not crazy to link the two, because girls do get apprehensive when you move too fast. Obviously there are other variables that you might not have mentioned in your account of the date.
Wasn’t trashing your game, like I said before it sounds like you’re doing ok. Good luck with the next date.April 9, 2015 at 6:59 am #73086
I don’t find you understand the situation at all. Let me tell you that I’m saying that with all respect and understanding that you are only trying to help, although in a less than useful way. Because the other 2 eye contact situations are what you should be doing with every human being on the planet. Don’t you agree that when you want to assure her that you’ll only do what’s comfortable to both of you, you need to be looking in her eyes, or you look at your shoes? So let’s keep this aside unless you don’t agree.
And instead of trying to think together what could one do in the hand hooking situation or how can one introduce it again later on (which is my question), you conclude without enough info that someone is ‘intense’ and she felt apprehensive because of that ‘intensity’. You ignore that she even let me decide what she eats and how she was receptive to almost everything else expect when it came her truly difficult logistics, and how she is interested to meet again.
Again, I understand that your intention is to help, but unfortunately I find it off. Because if she was resisting in other things or I had other issue, I would have asked about them. And in my opinion, the problem that guys have with girls is not pushing the envelope, but they other way round. The right thing to do is to ABC and you need to find out how to deal with resistance. And this is all what I’d like to talk about.April 9, 2015 at 11:52 am #73087
I see a lot of this ‘always be closing’ mentality in the seduction community. It gets to extremes where it is borderline rapey. I frequently see wannabe PUA’s in London chatting up women and creeping them out. The women are trying to get away from them and guys are following them and touching them. It’s disturbing.
Boldness and dominance has its place in this game. But in my opinion, seduction is also about making the girl come to you. I had a first date last week and the girl linked my arm of her own accord. If you have to steamroll your way through the whole process because of her resistance, you’re perhaps not doing it right.April 9, 2015 at 3:10 pm #73090CartooxParticipant
Seems that you have already decided what you want to do…..In this case, you’re right, our ideas are rather different from yours…… Good luck & have fun….
– Having experienced what you describe, I completely agree…..the underlying philosophy is to attract the girl and have her come to us of her own volition…..attempting to force it is needy behavior….
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