Unexpected interest just as she's leaving
March 3, 2015 at 6:11 pm #72918
Happens all the time. I’m not even trying to pick up. I’m just being social, talking to everyone in line at the pharmacy. As one of the girls I talked to walks by me to leave, she points to my outfit and says, “I like this whole thing that’s going on over here!”
On the one hand, I’m in. She wouldn’t have made that compliment if she were not otherwise interested. On the other hand, I’m not in, and here’s why. I didn’t actually take initiative. I didn’t show interest in seeing her again before she complimented me. If I ask her for a number or give her a card (which is my preference), she will correctly assume I did it because she’s an easy mark, and not necessarily because I’m particularly interested. The return rate is very, very low. It’s an act of cowardice to ask for a number only after a girl shows interest.
The truth is that I am more interested after her compliment than I was before. At the very least, I’m curious.
Women will do these things. They will show interest in the last moment before leaving. The do it for several reasons. First, it’s a way of avoiding rejection. They don’t give you time to reject them. It’s just a passing comment on the way out. Second, they like the narrative that, in the last second, you realized that you could have had them, but it was too late. They’re punishing you for your lack of initiative.
If suddenly showing interest gets you nothing, what’s the alternative?
I find that making the whole thing into a little joke works really well.
“Hey, hey, hey. Wait. Come here. You know it’s so funny that you said that because my suit was just whispering to me how much it would like to see you again. It’s usually a little shy, but in your case, I guess it got pretty excited. How do we make that happen? Do you know about this thing called the Internet? It’s amazing. You can make friends, exchange recipes.” Etc., etc.
In other words, the key here is not to do this directly because doing it directly reminds her that you didn’t take the initiative to do it that way to begin with.
This works just as well with a book, with a hat, with your boots, or with whatever she might compliment or take note of. In fact, with a little modification it can work for something you said as well.
Her (on the way out): “That was very cool what you said back there.”
Me: “Hey, hey, hey. Wait. Come here. You know it’s so funny that you said that. My vocal chords were just telling me how much they enjoyed making words for you and how happy they’d be to see you again. They’re usually a little shy, but in your case, I guess they got pretty excited. How do we make this happen? Do you know about this thing called The Internet?” Etc., etc.
—LeeMarch 3, 2015 at 6:47 pm #72919
Bookmarking this.March 3, 2015 at 10:52 pm #72922
“It’s an act of cowardice to ask for a number only after a girl shows interest.”
Would you say this applies in all pickup situations or only this context?March 4, 2015 at 12:15 am #72924
Bad strategies sometimes succeed and good strategies most often fail, but the ideal approach is one in which a man expresses sexual interest but holds off on emotional investment and a woman expresses emotional investment but holds off on sexual interest. This interaction exactly mirrors the behavior of the most desirable men and women in the study I posted. The most desirable men are more promiscuous, and the most desirable women are more sexually selective. So if you want her to see you as one of these desirable men, express your sexual interest as soon as you feel it. Are there exceptions? I once gave a talk to a large crowd at a prestigious event. At the cocktail party that followed, three different attractive women asked for my contact info. If you can project that kind of status on a regular basis, there is little you need to do to meet women.
–LeeMarch 6, 2015 at 7:57 pm #72938
Thank you for the permission to express sexual interest straight away. I had always thought you should not express interest right away- but this only applies for emotional interest.March 7, 2015 at 11:28 am #72939
How would you normally express interest, Lee?March 8, 2015 at 1:29 pm #72944
Yes. Is there such a thing as expressing too much sexual interest? Or expressing it too early?
With emotional interest I guess you only express it if you find something you genuinely like about her? And still do quite little of it…March 8, 2015 at 8:19 pm #72947
Here are ways to express sexual interest.
Touch – The gold standard of sexual interest is touch. If you can touch her, you should. One way to start touching her is to get close enough to her to use touch to punctuate the conversation. Hugging also works. When you ask her a tough question and she gives you a good answer, spread your arms and go in for the hug. In the approach, I give her as many hugs as I can. When you’re comfortable, you won’t just touch and withdraw, you’ll leave your hand there, either holding her hand or leaving your arm around her.
Compliments – Don’t just compliment. Make your compliments over the top sexy. I can best illustrate this by providing an example: “That is a sexy, sexy outfit.” Pause. “If you were mine, I would rip that outfit off you with my teeth.”
Flirting – Example: “Look around this room. You’re an attractive woman. Suppose you were to walk around propositioning men and I were to walk around propositioning women, who do you think would do better?” They always say they would, to which I say, “Well, that really depends on what you think is ‘better’. In a way, you’re right. If you approach 10 guys, 9 are going to say yes to you. Even most married guys would. They will all fuck you if you let them, but here’s the kicker. You won’t know which of them really like you. Meanwhile, I will approach 10 girls and get 9 no’s and 1 yes, but when I do get a yes, chances are that the girl I approached likes me. So, who’s doing better, you or me?” My flirting is sexy and interactive, but it also makes them think.
Stories – Tell sexy stories and inject sex into ordinary conversation. Sex is part of virtually every element of my approach, even my description of what I do (which has nothing to do with sex) has elements of sex in it. Showing women that you don’t follow the rules of polite society is very powerful. Rules are made for followers not leaders.
–LeeMarch 9, 2015 at 4:40 pm #72950
Is there such a thing as displaying too much sexual interest, Lee? What do you think?March 9, 2015 at 5:12 pm #72951
I’m sure there’s such a thing as too much sexual interest. Very, very rarely, I get blown out for saying something too sexy or touching her before she’s ready. However, 99.9% of guys have the opposite problem. They’re not taking enough risk. Here’s the thing to remember. It’s not just a successful display of sexual interest that works in your favor. Sometimes, you will fail, and she will reprimand you for going too far, but even in failure, you’ve demonstrated an important quality, that you are not afraid to fail. So even though you failed, you have set the stage for your follow up success. You get points for being fearless, even when she’s not ready to give you exactly what you want.
–LeeMarch 10, 2015 at 7:52 am #72952CartooxParticipant
@ Zhel – Some easy ways are to talk about the dating app Tinder and how its mostly used for hook ups…and expand from there….
or How having great sex the first night people meet seems so smooth in movies but is so awkward in real life….
Girls like it if we talk about sexual issues with confidence…
Sometimes ( on dates ) I will get a mild rebuke like “ hey , stop thinking about sex all the time “ or words to that effect….but that’s about it…
Recently a Chick I had just met over drinks was describing her experiences sleeping in communal dorms while backpacking with a couple of male buddies after graduation from college….I simply asked her how many wierdos she ended up sleeping with…..
Her response ( after a moment’s hesitation ) ” I won a bet I made with my male buddies on who would get laid first on that trip “…
and we simply expand the conversation from there…March 10, 2015 at 4:56 pm #72953
Great examples from Cartoox!
–LeeMarch 11, 2015 at 11:53 am #72954
Thank you, this clarifies it a lot. A major point of confusion I had in the past.
ZhelyazkoMarch 18, 2015 at 8:51 pm #72987
Thanks for the sexual interest tips, I’m trying these out at the moment.
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