Unclear situations – to take action, or not

[zhelyazko]

Hi guys,

I am interested to hear your experience. Whenever you are uncertain whether to invite a girl for a date (due to how you met her, her level of interest, you might appear needy, etc.) how to decide what to do?

I mean is it generally the better way to take action and invite her out or are you careful to follow certain rules (e.g. 2 days after initial date)?

To give an example there was this girl I met and had a date with. 1 day after I meet her again by chance and we have a little chat. Then I wondered should I have invited her for a second date there and then, texted her later that day, or waited a day and then texted her.

Thanks a bunch, guys.

Warmest Regards,
Zhe

[MrAntiquity]

If you like her, ask her. There’s a point where there’s too much “game” and overthinking about things. Neediness has nothing to do with whether you’re waiting a day or 5 days…it has to do with whether or not you’re acting to validate yourself, or because you’re afraid of not getting her. No you don’t want to look desperate, but casually inviting someone out even upon meeting them is a great thing to do, in my opinion. Plus girls will be more likely to take you up on it.

If you don’t date regularly, it’s probably a good idea to get in the habit of inviting people on dates. Get used to them saying yes. Get used to them saying no. Learn how they react to you, and how you feel when you ask them. If you focus too much on tactical calculations without actually going for some of these dates, you’ll just get stuck.

[Eric Disco]

At the beginning, it can be problematic to see a girl too often too soon. I generally try to schedule the second date one week or so after the first date. This is because you are better off starting off relationships as casual (seeing her once a week or less). If you start seeing her more than once a week too soon, things can heat up too fast.

The problem with things heating up too fast is that it is too easy for you or her to get cold feet. It feels like a serious relationship after one week and then you or her wonder whether you really want a serious relationship when it is too soon to be wondering that.

Take your time with her. Put her on your schedule. Don’t be too eager, even if she seems too eager. Let her think you have a life. Let her think you’re busy. If she’s into you and you’re into her, it won’t hurt to wait one week between dates. It will only build up her anticipation. But it can hurt to go too fast.

Eric

[Eric Disco]

Just to be clear. I think it’s fine to ask her out on a date a day or two after you go on a date but I would schedule that date for a week after the first date.

Eric

[zhelyazko]

Hi MrAntiquity and Eric,

Thanks for the responses. It makes sense to wait a bit and I agree with it completely, when you lay it out like this. I guess I was scared that if I wait too long when she isn’t yet invested in me she could find another guy and lose interest for me. But I guess that is always a possibility, regardless of whether you wait a day or five.

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