The Handy-Dandy Approach Meter

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    I’ve been working on a little ranking system to measure progress. I’m still horrible at talking to random girls, but it’s helping me.

    It’s not an indirect–>direct meter, it’s really more a measure of open-ness to yourself. If you’re closed off–you won’t say a word and approaching won’t work; if you’re completely open, you can do anything, really. Here’s my 6 point scale:

    0 — Nothing. You don’t say a word, not to her, not to yourself. Dead silence. Fail.

    1 — You open your mouth and something comes out. It’s mostly to yourself. She probably doesn’t even hear it. Maybe it’s under your breath. But at least you said something.

    2 — You say something “at” her. Hi, or whatever–but not actually with the intention of engaging. You’re kind of throwing things out in character–if she responds, fine, but she probably won’t. A bit like saying “hi” to 50 people in a row–you’re not invested in the interaction.

    (This is where I am. Level 2, with occasional 3’s, and once in a blue moon something higher)

    3 — You are able to open up enough to at least say something that, under normal circumstances, would lead to a response. YOU at least are invested in the interaction, even if it’s something simple like “hi”. YOu feel like you’re a bit open, rather than closed.

    Big difference between 2 and 3 is that in 2, the girl probably won’t notice. With 3, she should definitely notice. She may not respond, or you may run away, but the contact is made.

    4 — Like 3, but opening yourself up to the possibility of a chat. Essentially the start of “direct” — although you don’t have to say anything ballsy. The message is “hi–I’m interested in talking to you, and I’m not ok with that.

    5 — Similar to 4, but elevates “conversation” to “flirtation”. More of a teasing/confident delivery of a compliment/fun engagement. Classic “chatting the girl up” level, which should be obvious, whether she admits it or not.

    6. Easy, open interaction that upgrades from “casual flirting” (where sexuality is guessed at) to “suggestive flirting” (where sexuality is fairly obvious). You’re there to flirt with her, eventually go for a coffee/date/take her home, and the conversation is loaded with those kinds of messages. There’s no chance for her to say “Is he hitting on me or not?” Because it’s obvious.

    Examples of my rating system:

    I’m in Barcelona, as I’ve posted before. THere’s lot of women riding motorbikes around here. Here’s 6 different ways of approaching the same situation.

    0 – You see a girl next to her motorbike. She’s hot. You don’t do squat.

    1 – You see a girl next to her motorbike. She’s hot. You muster up all your strength to get somewhere near her, mumble “er…hey”, practically to yourself, she doesn’t hear it, you say “well, that sucked”, and move on.

    2 – You see a girl next to her motorbike. She’s hot. You walk past her and say “Hey”, sort of at her, sort of at no one imparticular. Maybe she notices. Maybe she doesn’t. At least you spoke, but you’re not getting anywhere.

    3. – You see a girl next to her motorbike. She’s hot. You walk by her, smile, and say “Hi!”. She can’t miss it–maybe it gets into a conversation, but more likely she says “Hi” or nothing back, and you move on.

    4. – You see a girl next to her motorbike. She’s hot. You walk up to her and say “Hi. I see a lot of women riding bikes around this city. Do you enjoy it?” It’s a question, and not particularly interesting. If she’s friendly, maybe you’ll get into a conversation. But it’s not particularly flirty.

    5. – You see a girl next to her motorbike. She’s hot. You walk up to her and say “Look at you with the hot wheels” <or some ridiculous expression. She’ll smile or laugh or whatever”> Play with it. Maybe you can joke about her needing fast wheels to resist the temptation of hot American (or whatever nationality you are) guys tryign to chat them up…

    6 — You see a girl next to her motorbike. She’s hot. You walk up to her and say “Might be a bit forward, but there is absolutely no sexier vision than a woman on a motorbike. I love that about this city. Where were you off to, before you started chatting up cute foreign tourists?” “I didn’t chat you up–you started hitting on me” or whatever…

    anyway, some of the lines might be a bit lame but you get the idea.


    oops–7 point scale. There’s a 0….


    @Mr. A

    hey ….thats a neat rating scale to measure our daily level of AA…..I shall use it…Thanks

    Bike girls – there’s a lot of girls riding bicycles and also electric bikes in my town.

    Many times I have opened girls who were waiting at the cross walk or red light .
    My standard opener is always “ Hey … gonna give me a ride ?!”

    I’ve almost never had a negative response….The most common ones I’ve gotten are :

    1. Smile and shrug , followed by “ I’d like to but I have no space on my bike …sorry !!” ( & another smile )

    2. “hahaha…you want a ride on my bike ?” / “hahaha….you want to ride with me ?”

    3. Smile and silence

    4. “hahahaha”….where are you from ? ( & they start talking )


    Welp. I’ve been using my handy-dandy approach meter. Averaging 2’s or slightly higher on my scale, couple of 3’s. Goal is to feel comfortable at “3” fairly consistently by the end of the month.

    There was a period a few years back when I was regularly hitting between 4 and 5 on my scale, but I haven’t gotten that back in a long time….hopefully it returns soon.

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