text response ideas ?
November 14, 2014 at 6:47 pm #72301CartooxParticipant
Background : I met this German girl at a small party for my yoga teacher on Sunday evening Nov 2. She and two of her friends ended up chatting with me..at some point it seemed her friend “S’ was flirting with me but I lost interest in her cause she was planning to leave town permanently in a few weeks…. .later me & this German girl continued the conversation on the street before heading off in opposite directions. At the time, she confessed that she told her friends ( including ‘S”) to join me because “ I looked like a fun guy “ …we agreed to have drinks some time and swapped contact numbers…
Tue nov 4 :
Me : M….was that you I saw sunbathing in the park earlier today ?
Her : haha nice thought….No unfortunately not, I am sitting right here in front of my computer at work. ☺
Me : What you need is a vodka martini & a massage….lets do Thursday evening say 7 pm
Her : I am more the Gin & Tonic kind however a vodka martini works as well. Sorry to disappoint but thurs eve is reserved for yoga 😉
Me : that’s the problem with this relationship, you keep making plans without me 😉 …ok…you choose a day & I will move the skies to make it happen…..
No response for 10 days – I did not do anything either ..
Nov 14 night 10.44 pm
Her : Well, then make yourself available on Tuesday, 25th Nov – after Yoga. We’ll go for a drink with S…as its one of her last evenings in SH. Keen to join us ?
any ideas for a response guys ?November 14, 2014 at 8:31 pm #72302TedtedParticipant
Another hard one.
You already are in a low value position.
You can only revert by showing DHV.
Eg. On Tuesday night I am signing contacts for a percentage stake in a latin night club and will most probably be busy till midnight
(Then second message is) we may meet after midnight for a relaxing drink, this I can do…
something along those lines
you market and sell yourself.November 14, 2014 at 9:23 pm #72303
Stop being pathetic. She waited 10 days to get back to you?
You have two choices:
1. you ignore her
2. you send her “sorry, thursday’s my kickboxing night”
and in both cases you delete her number and don’t contact her anymore.
then you go out of your house and hit on more girls, one’s that actually appreciate you.
guys on this forum are so damn needy.November 14, 2014 at 10:33 pm #72304
Looks lukewarm. She knows you were flirting w/her and was playing along–although I think you probably hit on her too much without any obvious response at the beginning. THen she shot down your Thurs. w/o proposing anything else.
But she DID effectively send you a ping after a week and a half so you’re not entirely off the radar.
Like Cartoox says, I’d skip it unless you want to hang out as friends and probably not have it go anywhere. Then maybe you can ping her again a week or two later–if she doesn’t propose anything first.
and @RyanO–most guys are on this forum because they have trouble dating, not because they’re particularly stuck on one girl. That’s why most of us aren’t able to simply ‘go out and fuck 12 other women”, as the PUA mantra goes. So we’re here to try a few things and see how they work. If not, move on. To be honest, I LIKE the idea of actually liking someone enough to actually invest some mental energy (not too much) into hoping that it might work out. You can do that WHILE pursuing other women.November 15, 2014 at 4:23 am #72306The_HurricaneKeymaster
“my first threesome! (actually, my second, but the first one was two guys and a girl) that is why i am weeping that i am going to have to miss it. plans.”
Wait a week and ping. Can’t think of any way to turn this dynamic around without saying no and disappearing for a week.
–LeeNovember 15, 2014 at 3:18 pm #72307CartooxParticipant
@ Tedted – thank you, I understand the idea behind your response, which is basically to ignore the group invite and isolate for a proper date between the 2 of us….
@ Antiquity – Thanks, yes that’s what I was wondering, it was a ping , even if it is a lukewarm one….” Invest some mental energy ( not too much ) “ – well put, Yea, I agree with that….not every case we get is black and white, yes or no…
@ Ryanno – hahaha…Relax….I was on dates with other girls this past week and have been approaching ….we’re all on this forum to learn from each other and trade experiences….This one just seemed like a more unusual one so I threw it out there to see what we can all learn from it….To follow your advice on polarization, I deliberately asked her out very quickly because we had already discussed drinks & I did not want to get caught up in too much banter……I could always just let it slide and forget about her- I actually did that , but her return ping last night seemed like an opportunity for some mental exercise…..
anyway, here’s what I thought of replying to her before seeing Lee’s suggestion….:
M….German Efficiency applied to long term planning…yes I always enjoy meeting girls who have a sense of adventure, who’re not afraid to have fun….plastic conversations and “best behavior” are boring…..Tell you what….Tuesday after your class , figure between 10 & 10.30 pm ….Text you the place on the day…
all comments appreciated..
@ Lee – the one about a threesome is a great one..…..Thanks..hmmmm….now I’m stuck…..hahahaha….November 15, 2014 at 6:54 pm #72308
Well I’m glad you’re using that word “polarizing” and if there’s any one word I’d like to chisel in gold and set on a plaque on top of this forum is that, because it’s sorely missing.
Instead of polarizing you’re playing games. “Threesome”? you’re kidding right? Hurricane might be older but he acts like a little kid. Women want reliable men with backbone. You’re not displaying that to her.
Here’s a few other ways you could’ve POLARIZED.
“sorry, I really just wanted to meet just the two of us.. I don’t really want another girl hanging around”
[you’re polarizing on the fact that you want a date not an orbiter gathering]
“didn’t you say you have yoga on thursdays?”
[you’re polarizing/busting her ass on the fact that she said she had yoga the last week]
“wow, only took you 10 days to message me back”
[you’re polarizing her on the fact that she’s unreliable]
“ok, what time should we meet?”
[as a response to her message that sets the tone that you’re not a game player and you just want to handle logistics… personally though I wouldn’t meet her because she’ll be with her friend. and hanging out with two girls is like herding cats]
on the date, you polarize her by nudging her shoulder playfully, by holding her hand, going for the makeout, trying to get her up to your apartment.
Remember, that polarizing just means “are you in or are you out?” even if she’s out you can still try again after few days but it’s so important that she understands that you’re true to your own nature because that is what’s attractive to girls. they feel that your own “goals” are the most important thing to you. and you’re not just there to amuse her, to say these funny little lines to her that don’t mean squat. that don’t get the work done; rather just waste time.
“M….German Efficiency applied to long term planning…yes I always enjoy meeting girls who have a sense of adventure, who’re not afraid to have fun….plastic conversations and “best behavior” are boring…..Tell you what….Tuesday after your class , figure between 10 & 10.30 pm ….Text you the place on the day…”
This is so damn try hard I could puke, seriously. First of all less is more. You don’t want your texts to be more than a line, or two MAX. and you’re teasing her for what? for msging you after 10 days, and wanting you to meet with her friend as well?
call her out on being an asshole, she’ll love you for it. or just cut all the bullshit and say “ok, let’s meet. but just you and me.” (see how short that text was?)November 15, 2014 at 9:33 pm #72309
One other thing, if I haven’t been clear about the definition:
Polarizing – Being true to what you want to the extent that you’re willing to lose the girl for not supplying what you want. Telling the girl exactly what you’re thinking, being completely transparent to your needs and wants. Not acting like you’re “mr. cool” or “mr. funny” or whatever else you perceive that she will like. Because it’s not about her. She doesn’t know what she wants. It’s all about you and what you want because there *IS* a girl that will satisfy your needs out there. Will every girl satisfy your needs? absolutely not. That’s why you need to polarize and keep polarizing until you find the one that does. Be it for sex, for certain personality characteristics that you’re looking for a girlfriend, and so forth. This requires you to know what you want.
If you don’t know what you want you’re a ship without a sail in a miserable sea of chaos. Cause that’s what women are: chaos. They hardly ever know what they want, and even if they do they’ll never ever act on it. For example, if they want sexual contact they won’t dare to act upon on it. Even something as silly as texting someone out of the blue, they can’t do it. Or deciding where to go on a date, etc. They don’t want to have anything to do with that. Are they at fault for that? Not really, it’s just their nature. They’re passive and they will remain passive to the end of the time.
So they are completely dependent on a man to act upon what he wants, and if he doesn’t then they perceive the man like themselves. And they will go off and find a different man that will. Because women like proactive men that go for what they want. This difference between the sexes is the main attractor switch.
Yes you can funny, tease her, etc. But at the end of the day it’s not what’s gonna bring you any results. Women don’t fuck the “funny man”. They fuck the guy that goes for what he wants without shame. That puts himself out there. In all aspects of life. In his career, with women, in all aspects.
If you start playing around with them you will get NOWHERE. If you start waiting a week or two to show her you’re “mr. cool” you’re just wasting everyone’s time. Lead them to what you want, and if they’re not willing to go there, then you find another one that is, a better fit basically.November 15, 2014 at 9:41 pm #72310SomeguyUKParticipant
Jesus. Would it really be the end of the world to meet the two of them?
Sometimes girls just want to scope you out and make sure you’re safe. As guys we sometimes forget how much of an issue safety is for women. Wouldn’t you feel a bit apprehensive going out alone with someone twice your strength?
I have been in this exact same situation before and ended up getting the girl I wanted (eventually). I think you have to believe in yourself a little bit; if you are a cool guy then there’s no reason why an evening with you won’t make her like you more.November 15, 2014 at 10:12 pm #72314
The safety card is overrated. Girls meet guys alone ALL the time. Like 95% of the time so why should he meet a girl that suggests she meet with you AND her friend.
Everytime in my life where I’ve met a girl that wanted to meet me with a friend it NEVER worked out.
I remember one time this I met up this chick for a date and she brought a guy friend of hers. I ended up having to entertain those two for the whole night. And funny enough, she wanted to come back to my apartment at the end because she realized I lived in a really nice neighborhood. And what happened? well her asshole friend said “listen, I don’t think that’d be a good idea”. And who did she listen to? of’course him.
I’ve had similar situations with other girls. Yes I know what you’re talking about, being comfortable with yourself, etc. But the dating world just doesn’t give a F about you at the end of it all. And when you have two girls judging you as opposed to one you’re working TWICE as hard. Women are very susceptible to groupthink and they will take their friends’ side over yours in a second. And that’s usually the safe side or the judgemental/critical side. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. It’s just the way things are.
Therefore, whenever a girl wants to meet you and a friend you say “sorry, just you”.
Another is when a girl wants your last name, I usually say “sorry, I don’t like to be googled”.
Polarizing is going for what you want in the risk of losing the girl. And ironically it’s what attracts them. I’ve almost never lost a girl for telling her what I want (maybe she didn’t want that at that exact moment, but I had the green light to try later). But I have lost girls for going along with what THEY wanted.November 15, 2014 at 10:30 pm #72319SomeguyUKParticipant
It’s overrated? Come on man. It’s something like 1 in 4 girls have been sexually assaulted. I personally know a couple of girls that have been raped and a few that have had their drinks spiked.
I’m not saying that’s always the reason a girl might not want to meet you alone but it could easily be the reason sometimes. She might have had a bad experience before.
And to go against your argument a bit more – when I was in that situation with the two girls, both of them were into me by the end of the night. So it is not always going to lead to a lose for you.
But yeah I definitely would not go out with a girl and another guy. Agree with you there.November 15, 2014 at 10:56 pm #72323
I think you have to sense if the girl is doing it to downplay the date. For example, “Hey, let’s go out”. OK! <later….> Oh, Anna’s coming along too.
That’s as good as a blowoff, and I dont’ like those dynamics because I feel like I’ve been half shot down already.
IN the poster’s case here, she pretty much came back out of the blue to invite him out with her friend. It’s not a strong overture, but it’s an overture. Reason I agreed that it might make sense is to skip it is for the same reason–the ‘we’re all friends’ dynamic can get in the way of what you really want. You can always meet the girl again a bit later.
As for the safety thing, I’d agree with Ryan in general–most women ‘get’ the dating scene, and it’s about meeting a guy. If you’re worried, you can meet at a public place. People who bring people along to protect themselves are quite likely people that you might want to avoid–that often comes from a pretty deep mistrust of guys–or from simply not being that interested.
That said, I was interested in a friend of mine and somehow she always ended up bringing her sister along until the 4th time hanging out, which was actually more of a date. That whole situation was odd though–and I never understood it.November 15, 2014 at 11:08 pm #72324
You also meet them for a quick drink but not stick around long. That lets you say hi, see them again, help send the first girl off, and leave on a high note. Nothing wrong with that. I mean she could be inviting you out b/c she’s interested. You just don’t know.November 16, 2014 at 2:58 am #72327The_HurricaneKeymaster
The other girl – friend 1, who is leaving soon – was flirting with him. He broke that off. He asked out friend 2. She responded 10 days later that she’s hanging with friend 1 and asked him to tag along. Sorry, that smells like a friend zone invitation. Friend 2 is inviting him along to make friend 1 happy. He loses nothing by turning her down, not if he’s cool about it. He can always come back the following week and say something like “phew! was swamped with work. finally have a few weeks to catch my breath. you around?” That doesn’t sound like him asking her out again. That sounds like him apologizing for turning her down and asking if he can make it up to her.
–LeeNovember 16, 2014 at 8:10 pm #72330equilibrium48Participant
Trying to be more active on this forum so ill put in an opinion.
My suggestion is similar to MrAntiquity’s last point. Meet up with them, say hi, show them that your awesome and leave. Dont stay too long,maybe an hour tops and leave with a comment that it was nice to see them but you’ve got other plans for the evening. Make the impression that the interaction was a secondary thing and that you’ve got other priorities.
Cartoox, if you havent replied to her invitation text yet I’d go with something like
‘I’ve got other plans for that evening already but I’ll try and make it out for a bit’. Dont commit to anything.
Show up a little late, be engaging and polarizing (kudos to ryano for that word) and leave on a high note. Wish friend 1 safe travels and tell friend 2 that you’ll see her around.
Ive done something similar to this when meeting a girl with her friends and it worked out with the one I wanted in the end.
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