Should I continue?

[SomeguyUK]

Hey guys, need your help again. I hate being the guy asking for advice on individual girls normally. But I’m second guessing myself on this one so much as I’m not used to following up with a girl I met on the street!

Background: Direct approach in the street. We chatted for 5 minutes, it went well, then her phone rang, she was on her way to meet a friend. She talked in Polish for a couple of minutes, after I while I felt like I was starting to look needy by hanging around, so I started to leave and motioned that I was going in a nearby shop. She asked me to wait and ended the call quickly after. My phone had died so I gave her my facebook. She added me yesterday, I messaged her on facebook today.

Me: Hey. How was your night in Camden?

Her: Hi 🙂 I was a bit late, I only made it for the last 5 minutes as I was drinking behind the place…shame.

Me: Ah that’s a shame. You shouldn’t have spent so much time in Oxford street hitting on guys 😉

Her: hahaha 🙂 Actually I was waiting for my friends in Camden for half an hour, I could get killed :<

(this girl is new to London)

Me: Hehe. Nah, Camden’s pretty safe, if a bit crazy on a saturday. Unless you’re one of those girls that is always getting into trouble..

Her: No, I don’t think I am 🙂 but there were so many junkies 🙂

Me: Oh, that’s weird. Where did you go in Camden?

Her: The Unicorn 🙂 but the crowd was just in front of the station

Me: Fair enough. I keep hearing about that place, must be a good venue

Her: It looks cool, reminds me about the place in my home town 🙂 people didn’t look really friendly there though

——

That’s our conversation, which was spaced over about 3 hours, we both took our time replying. No ‘buy in’ as Lee puts it. Should I continue chatting or just leave it?

[ryano]

A few things you did right. You motioned to her that you’re going to leave. That says alot about you. Personally if a girl were to chat on the phone next to me it’d take me all but 10 seconds to leave. So good on you for doing that.

Two, she took your facebook and she actually added you. That’s great and shows that she is interested.

Now so far your convo is good. But don’t get into a whole conversation. Good flirting and keeping it upbeat and normal. And it’s good she was the last one to talk.

At this point you should just be focused on logistics. Just ask her out somewhere. A good way to transition would be to say something like “I know of this good place blablabla I’d like to take your there”. something of that nature. Then just decide on a time and place.

Don’t get into conversation mode as it’ll kill the entire vibe.

Generally I don’t like to go back-and-forth with a girl on messages for more than 10 messages that I send. So 5 or so would just be flirty messages, and the next 5 would just be plain logistics.

but great going on this one..

[SomeguyUK]

Thanks for the encouragement/advice man. For the first time ever I was actually really relaxed after the approach, and it seemed to help a ton.

Yeah you’re right maybe I should just ask her out. The only problem is I know she is a poor student with no money – that’s why she was drinking outside. But fuck it, that’s logistics. I’ll sleep on it then maybe I’ll ask her out tomorrow.

[MrAntiquity]

no reason NOT to continue. Really–how much buy-in are you actually going to get over text? It’s just strings of characters 🙂

I’m with RyanO–you won’t find out anything unless you ask her out. Or rather, suggest a place–don’t “ask”…

don’t worry about the money business. People date broke people sometimes…

[The_Hurricane]

First, every man on here should make a mental note that this woman contacted you. You’re in Leeland now. Getting phone numbers is so yesterday. And yes, when girls are into you, they’ll make the effort. At this point, I would just ask her out. Don’t call it a date. Don’t tell her you want to ask her out. Say where you want to go and tell her she should tag along. “Hey, next Wednesday night, I’m heading over to blah blah on Smith Street. Fun place. You should tag along.”

–Lee

[SomeguyUK]

Hmm I wish I’d seen the above phrasing before I messaged her. But here’s the update:

Me: Well, come for a drink with me on Thursday, I’ll take you to somewhere more friendly

Her: I have to go to work on Thursday, sorry :c

—

I think if she wanted to meet up she would have suggested an alternative, so I guess I just won’t reply to this one for now, unless anyone has other ideas?

[The_Hurricane]

I’d wait a week and ping her again. Chances? Low. But you never know. In a week, send her a flirty ping. I like saying “reminds me of you” and sending this link:

(credit to a former student, Slim, a funny, funny guy)

Another one: “i’m at faltiron lounge. the moroccan martini is whispering your name”

A few lessons from this experience. 1) Not a lot of buy means lower chances of actual date. You did the best you could, though. By the time you went to text, you had to play the hand you were dealt. 2) Starting to walk away when she was on the phone was awesome. That’s a huge power play and is probably the reason she friended you.

–Lee

[ryano]

Remember what I said about logistics? This has nothing to do with you. Quit being so worried about yourself and how you come across. Nor do you have to give her the silent treatment. Write her right back and say, “ok.. what how about friday / if not, what days work out for you?”.

If she says no to that and doesn’t offer a counter, then you ignore her and just hit on other girls but you can ping her back at another time. But DO hit on other girls. I’ve said this once and I’ll say it a million times, never trust a single girl.

Not because she doesn’t like you, but because LOGISTICS plays a role in people’s lives. People will place their own priorities above you at any stage. People place their stupid self interests above everything– it has NOTHING to do with you.

So far everything you did was PERFECT. I can assure you of that.

[ryano]

And saying–

“Hey, next Wednesday night, I’m heading over to blah blah on Smith Street. Fun place. You should tag along.”

You should tag along? What is she a dog? Is this how you talk to all people?

I just say “hey want to meet up tomorrow night?” that’s it. It’s not rocket science. Stop with these weird and phony power plays. people can read right through them. And it shows a ton of insecurity when you have to phrase it like you’re above people.

[ryano]

the one thing you could say to this chick.. is “alright, you got a counter offer?” ie bust her balls for not giving you a counter day. and I would’ve sent that the SECOND she wrote me “can’t do thursday”.

It’s ok to call out people when they’re acting like assholes they’ll respect you for it (just like you did when you walked away from her when she talked on the phone). THAT, I agree with. But to act like you’re “above” people or play stupid mind games. That’s so weak and it wastes too much time.

[SomeguyUK]

Man, this stuff feels so hard sometimes you wonder how anyone ever gets a date, ha.

I can see the point in just waiting and pinging her. For all I know she had a one night stand last night and doesn’t feel wanna feel slutty. If I keep trying, I reveal that I’m invested and I lose my value.

Whereas if I wait till next week, she could feel differently and I haven’t lost my value.

That said, I just replied saying “Ok.Another day?”. Won’t get my hopes up though.I just hope it wasn’t anything on my Facebook that put her off.

Thanks for the help and support, you guys rule.

[The_Hurricane]

So low value to ask immediately after she says no and doesn’t suggest an alternative, but that’s ryano’s game, a low value chasing game. Not surprised that all he gets are hook ups. Girls can see right through guys who chase them.

–Lee

[MrAntiquity]

@SG:

Reason it seems hard is because you’re in a community that developed of, by and for people who are particularly confused–or stuck—with regards to dating. So rather than just take the normal adolescent–> adult progression like most guys do, with varying degrees of success, there’s these thousands of attempts by different guys–from Mystery on down to us–on what “works”.

Fact is pretty much anything can “work”–you just have to be somewhat socially aware–a bit open to new ideas, and take some risks that seem really foreign sometimes. The “rules” that developed out of the PUA community, The Game, etc are basically designed to counteract one major problem, and that’s this:

**Guys that don’t/can’t date are acting really weak in some ways, and that’s what drives women away from them.**

So the “rules” everyone’s come up in the “commmunity” are designed to completely pulverize that weakness. But you don’t have to listen to all of it. Idea of not chasing after her is that if you do, you’ll look kind of pathetic. So since she didn’t get back to you, leave it alone for now–try again in a week if you want–on your terms. Don’t worry about measuring “value”–you’ll drive yourself nuts with that. YOu just don’t want to look like a douche 🙂 Ever see Swingers? Remember that famous scene where Mikey calls that girl “Nicky” about 12 times in a row? Don’t be that guy. If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth watching.

just some ramblin’…..

[The_Hurricane]

Love that movie. The only realistic and accurate portrayal of real world social dynamics in film. The Vince Vaughan character is dead on.

–Lee

[SomeguyUK]

Yeah I’ve seen it, great film. I’ve never done anything that lame, I hope!

What I mean is, sometimes you feel like you’ve done everything right, and you still get nowhere. And that girl will prob go and bang some clueless 20 year old dude on the weekend. But hey, that’s the beautiful, tragic unpredictability of life I guess.

[Author]

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