Second example of text game

[zhelyazko]

Hi Lee and crowd of awesomeness,

This is another example of an exchange over text. Please judge as last time, if possible?

(background: I met this girl at a business idea seminar, and I think we hit it off quite well. It has already been a week or more since, but I decided- why not, might as well try)

Me: Skipping on Mike’s lectures are you. Tc, tc how will you ever set up your sex-rating agency, young miss?
Her: Hahahahaha. I guess you’ll have to set it up for me. I’m taking a 40%commission for the idea
Me: Fine, as long as you do all the testing. And it’s 35%!
Her: Hahaha. Deal was you set it up. I’m only getting commissioned for my idea.
Me: Ha! Do you want a free massage to go along with that? And maybe a holiday trip to Hawaii
Her: Yes please

Regards,
Zhelyazko

[MrAntiquity]

it’s a lot more fun than the last example…I’m assuming the “sex-rating agency’ line was something you guys had joked about earlier in the conversation? If so good thing to follow up with.

Some good flirting here too. But what happened after the last line? Seems like it was ripe for continuing–or better yet, asking her out.

Did you arrange to get together? If not–the end of that exchange would have been the time…

[zhelyazko]

Well fuck, how should I have known. 🙁 Should I still write to her?

[MrAntiquity]

Well there’s no way to “know”–but isn’t that always the goal? Text banter–or any banter–is fine for a few lines but the ultimate goal is to spend time with her in person. I wonder if one of your problems with following up from approaches is that you’re not seeing the next step to actually connecting with her. Ultimately, you need to go out on a date, or something. In some ways you seem a bit parallel to me–you try some things, and expect something to automatically “happen” between you and the girl–without realizing that you actually have to take some more steps to make it happen.

Let me ask you this: Try to think–what were you expecting/hoping would happen after the text exchange with this girl?

And to answer the last question, I’d follow up with her–sure. Why not? Send a ping or something, exchange a couple texts if she responds, then suggest that you guys go somewhere. Even if it’s a no–I think you need a bunch of practice closing the deal–so it’ll be helpful to try and see what it feels like. She may say no, but there will be others. She might also say yes.

[zhelyazko]

I have been getting into a really bad frame of mind recently, so apologies for that.

I was not expecting anything to happen. The question I asked myself was: “should I ask her out now, or would that seem desperate/ low value. Should I wait instead?” It seems I answered that question the wrong way.

Shame that, unlike in martial arts there is no easy rule of thumb to follow.

[zhelyazko]

I continued it with this, and now waiting for a response, if any.

Me: I KNOW I should be doing applications but… this totally reminded me of you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Eg5-4Pn444
Her: Wtf?
Me: oh come on, you’re both so adorable
Her: Yeah, I totally see the resemblance
Me: Ha ha, cheeky. I can let you prove it this thursday 8 p.m. over a drink

[MrAntiquity]

But for this all to work, you do want to expect something to happen. In other words, what was your goal for this interaction? Was it just to bounce texts around, or go out on a date, or have sex with the girl? Maybe you weren’t aware of any goals at the time–but it helps to try to become aware of them.

The problem with most of us involved in these forums/community/etc. is that for various reasons there are some steps missing from seeing a girl to interacting with/sleeping with/dating her. It helps to try to see those steps, so that you can do them next time.

Regarding that specific text interaction, yes, I would have asked her out after your couple lines of flirting. Ultimately that’s the point of all this, and both you and she know this, even though you’re both playing “the game” and pretending not to know. But she’s not ACTUALLY fooled. So by not asking, it suggests that you were probably a bit scared to ask her out. Which is probably true–and that’s fine–but you have to take that gamble.

[zhelyazko]

Yeah, thanks MrAntiquity. I totally hear you. She knows. I know. I don’t have a problem with just texting; “hey wanna go out”. I am trying to increase my chances of success, but actually do not know what is increasing them and what is decreasing them. So I appreciate that you guys on here help out.

(but yeah, I was scared. I’m a regular person come on. I get scared when I lose stuff I want)

[MrAntiquity]

But ultimately, if you can, the ballsiest (and most mature) move is just to ask the girl out in person. It’s great when you can say “hey look–there’s great jazz/drinks/drum and bass/whatever on tuesday nights at this place. It would be fun to go. Let me take your number and I’ll let you know when something’s happening” or something along those lines.

[zhelyazko]

Ok, point taken. When I can I will try to do this.

[MrAntiquity]

sorry–didn’t see the second text there.

While the first exchange seemed pretty well calibrated, the second one was off–looks forced and gimmicky and may put her off.

I don’t think she’s going to answer this one, to be honest–but she might. But for next time, if you’re in the process of texting her and you have a flirtatious interaction like you started before, simply propose a time and place and invite her.

Building off of your last one:

You: Ha! Do you want a free massage to go along with that? And maybe a holiday trip to Hawaii [good here–bit of sexual innuendo]
Her: Yes please [this is great–she’s playfully taking you up on this–she’s escalating herself! That’s where you want to close it]

Maybe something like this:

You: OK now, don’t get too demanding here 😉 Why don’t we evaluate your upcoming Hawaii prospects over Mai Tais [hawaii, mai tais, hell why not?]–there’s a great place I used to go to around X. Let’s say Tuesday night around 7.”

Then leave the ball in her court.

[zhelyazko]

Thank you, MrAntiquity

How do you differentiate between what looks forced and what is flirty. I am COMPLETELY lost. They seem the same to me?

[zhelyazko]

Also, why is it possible that she will so radically change her opinion of me over such a small miscalibration?!

[SomeguyUK]

You did a good job of flirting with her, but again you are in danger of over-bantering. Too much banter and you go from looking like a cool guy to someone who is trying to win approval – or doesn’t have the balls to ask her out.

Also I think it’s best to avoid setting any frame where you are chasing her or doing stuff for her – even if it’s only a joke (‘would you like a trip to Hawaii’ etc). You don’t want her to think about you in that way.

[MrAntiquity]

@Zhel–

What Someguy is saying–watch the overbanter. The reason that it’s so easy for a little text to shift the entire dynamic is because she doesn’t know you AT ALL. If you had been dating for awhile, then do something weird, you can write it off as ‘oh, oops–I wasn’t myself!’ But if you’ve just met her–it’s really easy to raise red flags, and if she sees a flag, she’s not losing anything by writing you off and moving on. Sorry to be a bit harsh, but I’ve lost tons of opportunities by saying something weird/uncalibrated because I was confused what to say next.

As for the forced/flirty bit–the first series looked like it followed your original conversation–so it looked like natural flirting. Second one you borrowed some lines that you weren’t completely comfortable using. ANyway Lee usually uses that Russian girl one for pings after he hasn’t heard from someone in a while, I think. It’s not my thing, but everyone has their own style.

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