Overreacting or trash?

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    Hay guys,

    Long time reader, first post. The gist: woman I have slept with several times. Sex is good, when we hang out and are present I like her, she likes me. Simple. Been dating 3 weeks-ish. I am well to do, talented, a boss, and fun guy. Also I am emotional and sensitive. She is a single mom (child lives elsewhere), talented, currently living out of her car as she is in transition. It is already well established that she is leaving before the new year, and will be gone several months or more. Hence, It is understood by me that what we have is a Now thing, and I am fine with that. I like good vibes and relations that propel us both with good thoughts and feelings.

    The problem. I think she is lying to me/ and or attempting to play me. I have a zero tolerance for lying. I have made clear that if she wants to sleep with me, then we will be exclusive till she leaves. That was a condition for both of us, I am not in the mood to take chances with STD’s, as well as the energetics of it all. If she wanted to sleep with someone else, that is fine, but then I am unavailable. Np. We agreed to have open clear communication and not play games. (I am 39 and she is 35). p.s. the sex is good and she will be lucky to find a lover as skilled as I am again.

    5 days ago, she said she would be leaving the day after christmas. I told her I wanted to see her as much as we could before she left, so she changed that and said she would stay an extra day so we could spend one more day together. This is important. Today is that day, and as you probably guessed I never saw her. As of 8 p.m. yesterday she texted that she would call me today in the early p.m. We were sending flirty messages back and forth. Till I went to sleep a bit early. The last one was about us having sex.

    So today comes, and I slept long, and didn’t turn my phone on till 230 or so. No message. I wait till 430 and text her. At 630 I am done working out and out of the shower, I call. Straight to voicemail. 7, the same, I leave a message saying basically ‘hay, where are you? call me’ At this point I make other plans and head out. 9 p.m. rolls and I get a couple messages from a random #. It’s her saying (summarized) “I lost my phone charger, I’ll call you tomorrow”
    I don’t like texts, she knows that, and she knows that I would much prefer a phone call at this point. Also, she told me so very clearly one night when I wanted to hang after a show that she had already made plans, and that she doesn’t break her plans.(so it feels like I am not on the same level as her other friends, theoretically.) As well we agreed to have clear communication.

    So, I am already feeling blown off, and now I am feeling disrespected. I wait 5 and then probably unwisely fire off a couple messages. I know . . . , First one . No call = no respect. 2nd one, It’s easier to call then send 3 texts. 3rd. So mean ( . Did I mention I am sensitive? I am also an empath, and it’s rare for someone to B.S. me without my sensing it. After some time, I step out for air, and conclude that she is b.s.ing. So I call her dead phone and leave her a message that she will get when she charges her phone that expresses my disappointment, her contradictions, bummed out feelings, and concludes with I am done with you, don’t call me again.

    While in the process of this message, she texts me again, blah blah, its someone else’s phone (who it turns out I know and thinks I am hot) so how could I possibly expect her to call on it! I do call it, and she answers, sounding strung out, and definitely on the offensive, talking in such a way that solidifies my thoughts on the message I sent. (basically not acknowledging why I might be feeling disrespected, instead attempting to project a bunch of garbage)

    Anyway there are inevitably more details, and I probably make myself look to good, but you get the point. Am I overreacting, or is this chick deserving of the trash?

    Thanks for any insights,


    I think you’re overreacting. It sounds like this is the first time she’s behaving like this, so you should give her the benefit of the doubt.

    No suprises that she was defensive when you spoke to her, considering you sent her a bunch of emotional messages. You’re coming off a little needy and overreactive.

    It’s christmas, and this woman is a single mother living out of her car. Probably a hard time of year for her. It does sound like a blow-off but I would cut her some slack, personally.


    Thanks Someguy,

    Well the thing is, it is the second time. Its funny cause that’s what she said that time. Give me the benefit of the doubt. So I did. That time I saw her in person and spoke with her about it, so no messages. That was when we agreed to have clear communication. And the thing is, I AM needy when it comes to that. After thinking it through this morning, the gist of her communication was, “I lost my phone charger so we couldn’t hang out.” Which is rather childish in my view. And really, who doesn’t have a friend with a charger these days? She obviously had my #, she knew we had plans, she knows my need for proper communication, and she had access to at least one phone. I mean really, if it was reversed, any of my friends would be happy to let me use their phone, or they would have a charger I could use, or flip, if it was important I could buy one.

    She specifically said she would stay the extra day so we could hang out. That made me feel special. It also endeared me more to her. When it went down this way it felt even more of a slight. Also knowing that she was leaving (well who knows) the next day bummed me out because then (theoretically) I wouldn’t get the chance to see her again before she left. That also hurt.

    I do overreact sometimes. Usually because I care (as in this case, she sure got to me). I am happy that I didn’t get angry, that is positive for me. I did refrain from sending others, so there is that. Does anyone have a tool they use to not send those type of messages?

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