Overcome Nightgame Anxiety or Quit?

[BlueJay]

Hey Eric,

Big fan of your very gradual method for overcoming approach anxiety in the day. I haven’t gotten good at it yet because I’m currently living somewhere that’s terrible for day game.

So my option is currently night game.

I can’t approach in these night time venues. Just wasted a lot of money on a bootcamp.

Do you think you could apply the gradual exposure system to night game? I just feel that those environments are so intimidating and hostile that I can’t even do the most gradual steps – getting close to them and asking simple questions.

I know I have social anxiety and that I should probably go on meds but I dread going down that path too…

[Cartoox]

I’d suggest to Smile and wave across first. If the girl is receptive, that is, if she smiles or waves back, go up and approach her. Its ok to be a little nervous. If it’s a pair, talk to both of them.
If she ignores you or gives you the cold-eye, forget her for now.
Wait for the next one.

Dress well, make sure your grooming is good. Her first impression of you is all she has to go on, so if you look ok, she’ll often be receptive.

I would only do bars and lounges, where you can talk. not all bars will work for you, so do some legwork to find the ones that do……

Clubs are completely useless and have a very different dynamic, which is focused mostly on suckering guys into buying girls drinks…don’t waste any time or money in a club.

[Eric Disco]

Hey BlueJay,

The step-up method can absolutely be used in nightgame.

First of all, take it easy on yourself. A bootcamp can still be a good experience even though it didn’t destroy your anxiety. In fact it usually doesn’t. It can still give you a good idea of what’s possible. You’re fighting with your body right now, trying to get it to do what your brain wants. But give it time to adjust. Similar to getting physically into shape, the most important improvements you’ll make are so gradual and subtle you may not notice them for a few weeks / months. Just know that what you’re working on is worth putting in the time, effort, blood, sweat and tears.

Cartoox gives some good advice. Try to go to quieter places. I detest loud environments where I have to yell to speak with a girl. All that noise and human movement aggravates my anxiety. It’s overwhelming.

Follow the six step exactly and you’ll get a lot further. The first step is to go out and get comfortable in these environments. Spend a week or two just going out to these places without putting an pressure on yourself to talk to any women or even position yourself. Go to a bar and have a single drink. See how long you can stay. Ten minutes? Thirty minutes? Scout out new locations and get comfortable in them before doing anything else.

Get comfortable going alone so that you don’t need to rely on anyone else and you can do the six steps at your own pace without feeling pressure from anyone else. If you feel uncomfortable sitting or standing in a bar alone, pretend your waiting for a friend. You can even answer a pretend phone call and say, “Yeah. Hey man, I’m at XYZ bar. You’ll be here in a half hour? Okay, no problem.”

After you’ve found some locations you like and have gotten a bit more comfortable, move on to step 2, positioning. Sit next to a girl at a bar. Walk around the bar looking at stuff on the walls. Pretend you’ve gotten a phone call and you are walking around to get better reception or find a quieter place, then position yourself near a girl. Find any excuse you can to get where you want to go in the bar.

For step 3, say something, I give advice in my book for what to say. So I won’t rehash a that here. Look in that chapter.

Eric

[BlueJay]

Really appreciate your time and help Eric and Cartoox. Great advice.

[Author]

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