Opinion on not to screw up.

[EJ_ap]

I know this girl a long time. She was my ex’s friend friend. Always had a crush on her. So i randomly messaged her and we had a good talk back and forth with quick replies with smilies within under a minute. Then i offered to get together sometime. Reply was yes it would fun. She told me her availability and i said how about tomorrow because i leave for the weekend and would like to see her before. Response was not sure about tomorrow but text me and i will let you know.
I possibly rushed it too much. Should i even bother texting tomorrow or should i cancel it myself?

[ryano]

remain true to your word. you said tomorrow, then text her tomorrow. as men we have two things going for us: our balls and our word. never compromise either for the sake of “how you appear to the girl”. and no you didn’t rush, you simply wanted to see her since you’re going away this weekend sounds fair to me.

also there is a good chance she will say she’s busy or not even respond when you do text her tomorrow. never take this as something you did “wrong” though. girl’s schedules are just random.

note: if you do text her and she doesn’t respond do not text her again this entire labor day weekend. altho you should shoot her another text sometime next week.

note#2: if she does respond giving you some lame excuse she can’t meet, text her back “no worries, have a great long weekend!”, right away. so if she took 4 hours to respond, just text her that within a minute. i personally love creating the male reliability / female flakiness dynamic.

[EJ_ap]

I was thinking of texting and cancelling myself and reschedule first cause it might have been too late of a notice. I tend to think that being straight up and having no chase in the game pushes them away. I see people don’t have much luck with this type of approach. Although she was responding right away

[ryano]

yeah I used to be where you were.. about 3 years ago. trust me that the vast majority of men 90% or so do exactly what you do. so you’re not being unique you’re just wasting time. and btw being honest is so rare women are immediately drawn to it mainly cause honesty shows courage, reliability, and confidence. traits that women so desperately seek. men primarily do what you do because they don’t have alot of options and are afraid to lose a particular girl. but it’s a viscious cycle because being indirect makes you have little options in the first place so you’re forced to make yourself “seem” busy when you’re not.

as i said indirect vs direct is not an opener argument. it’s an entire game argument (ie how you handle yourself from beginning to close, what this entire thread is about). and from my personal struggles i can tell you direct always wins hands down. i used to be the king of game playing nonsense. bunch of time wasted because of that though so i’ll never go back to it again.

[ryano]

btw read models by mark manson. I didnt understand that book 3 years ago. i actually refused to due to my game playing habits.. but I read it a few weeks back and said to myself “yeah, this guy totally gets it..”

[ryano]

oh and pay close attention to these sections in that book:

Esp in Part II of the book
– It’s Usually not about you. (pg 124)
– Polarizing to Attract (pg 113)

[The_Hurricane]

Studies show that women are most attracted to men who aren’t immediately sure they’re attracted to those women. Makes sense. High value men have many romantic options and aren’t going to make much of an effort for every nice piece of ass they see.

You probably seemed too anxious to see her. If you had more romantic options, you’d have been the one who is too busy to make plans for tomorrow, and even if you weren’t too busy, waiting until Tuesday would be no big deal.

Now that you’ve agreed to a follow up text, what should you do? Don’t cancel. Follow up as you promised. If you get a no, say “No worries” and try again the following week.

In the future, be the guy who has the highest standards and you will get the hottest women.

–Lee

[EJ_ap]

Ok so here is the follow up. Texted the next day and she offered to meet up when i get back. She flaked on the first night by rescheduling for the next day by giving me her reasons. We met up next day. Had awesome time, at the end of the date we kissed lightly. She responded well. I never got text from her she had fun etc the same night so i didn’t text back either. Texted her next morning. No response. Called her in the evening and no answer. Then i get a text she is busy and text me back later. She did. Texted back and forth. Agreed to a second date. Then when i offered the plan and time she said she will let me know because she isn’t sure and told me the reason. I replied ok.
At this point either i back off or keep pursuing her? Should i text to follow up?

[ryano]

of’course you should follow up. but not just with her, with plenty of other girls as well. you seem to be fixated on her. if she reads this on you she will be turned off. you need to have a life apart from her. text her in a week or two.

[SomeguyUK]

You have a flakey girl on your hands.

Personally I think you’d be better off investing your time in girls who realise your value and are excited to see you.

But who knows, maybe this chick genuinely is really busy.

Probably worth giving her a ping but I wouldn’t have too high expectations.

[EJ_ap]

Maybe I’m overanalyzing but first she said she’s up for it and then she said she might be celebrating something with her family (she told me what). So not sure if she really is flakey or it’s how things are with her. I mean if she wasn’t interested at first she wouldn’t be offering me alternatives.
And second, maybe I’m an oldschool guy but I always thought once you kiss it means something.
You guys think I should text her today and check back with her or wait till she will text back first?

[The_Hurricane]

You are falling into the typical low value chaser mode, texting her then following up with a call, waiting for her to get back to you about plans, etc. At this point, I would not text her until she texts you. What you don’t realize is that the kind of dates that arise from chasing girls do something for her but not for you. She gets validation while you lose value. You’re not really following the advice we give you here so why do you keep coming back? Why not give your own strategy a chance, and if it fails, next time, you can try another way.

–Lee

[ryano]

@EJ_ap

You do not have a flakey girl. This is a normal behavior for girls. Here’s a few tips:

1. Understand that girls are like cats, they only pay attention to the shiny object that is currently dangling in front of them. Everything else loses focus. Including you. So after you dated her, now she might be dating some other guy. Or she might be on a trip with friends or family. You might think she gave up on you but she did not. You are simply not in her focus. Again, this is completely normal. All girls do this.

2. Don’t expect her to initiate conversation back with you. Girls are notoriously horrible at this. Instead, wait a week (or even two weeks) and shoot her another text. If she doesn’t respond then wait another week (or even two weeks) and shoot her another text. And then keep doing this. What you’re trying to do basically is shoot her a text when her attention is not being spent on some new object in front of her. I.e., when she is alone, she will readily answer your text and will make new plans with you. Especially if you had a decent date with her.

3. You can only expect a girl to start communicating with you (ie sending you texts) after you had sex with her. At that point she will be emotionally invested so she will message you constantly. Until then, sorry to break this to you, but you’re doing the work buddy.

4. You MUST MUST MUST have other girls that you’re doing the same with. So just like she gets that random text, make sure you have a few more (or if you can, hundreds more) up your sleeve that you’re sending these texts to. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. A single girl can never be trusted. But many girls can. Just like she doesn’t put her complete focus on you instead, she has many suitors. However, the most consistent and persistent suitor (without being needy) will win her.

5. What you do not under any circumstances want to do is think that you did anything “wrong” in this scenerio. This will fuck up your timing. The only thing that you can potentially do “wrong” here though, is ping her constantly which shows her that you don’t have other girls or any other options in your life which makes you appear very needy to her. And this is a killer. Again, she will come back to you, but you need to have patience. Weeks or even months with random texts in between. And she will bite eventually.

[Author]

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