It's not about you
October 8, 2014 at 7:55 am #71755ryanoParticipant
I’d say about 95% of society would never cold approach. Living in a big city, I hardly ever see men approaching women.
Therefore, when you approach a girl you’re a very small minority of people doing it and that’s enough to atleast gauge a girl’s interest for a date. Esp if you do it in a way that indicates that it’s not a “big deal” for you (and it isn’t.. I’ll detail why this is so in the next paragraph)
But basically if you want a number, just ask for it. That’s about all you need to do. You can get into a conversation if you want to, you don’t need to. You can be confident or timid, doesn’t matter. You can wear an armani suit or a wrinkled t-shirt, doesn’t matter. Just ask for it.
The bigger issue here is understanding that it doesn’t have so much to do with you as it does with her situation. And that’s why this is “no big deal”, b/c there’s not much you can do about it anyway.
I’ll give you an example. Let’s take 10 girls off the street.
Already I can tell you that atleast half have boyfriends. So half of these girls have “rejected” you before you even said hello to them. (so does it matter how you open them or what you say, or how you say? of’course not)
That’s why I don’t really care about openers anymore. they could be direct or indirect, or just “hi”. The conversations don’t even matter.
Anyway, we’re left with 5 now. Out of those 5, atleast 3 won’t like you for whatever reason: you’re too old, you’re too young, you’re not her type, she doesn’t like your style, she hates men, she doesn’t like corporate guys like you, she doesn’t like EMO guys like you, she only likes women, she feels depressed, you’re not confident enough, you’re not nerdy enough, she’s leaving to africa tomorrow on a trip… WHATEVER. there’s infinite reasons why she doesn’t like you.
So does it matter how you come across? Not really. cause you’re always gonna find the girl that will like you.
So now we’re left with 2. That’s two numbers we get out of 10 girls. That to me is pretty decent odds for street approaches.
Now did we do anything special to get those 2 numbers? No. we talked to them just like we talked to the other girls. Mainly, we just want to see if the girls are single. Sometimes after I’ll introduce myself to the girl I’ll say to her “are you single?” and however she replies I don’t see it as a rejection, I just see it as one of the girls that just wasn’t available. I.e, it’s NOT ABOUT ME.
I don’t change my behavior for anyone. If one of these girls makes you feel “bad” or “dejected” that means you’ve changed your behavior for her. And that’s stupid. Because the girls that reject you, rejected you for their own selfish reasons, they don’t give a diddly squat about you.
Now out of those girls that we got a number from, same thing with the date. 1 to 2 out of 10 of those numbers you’ll have a favorable result with. The other ones won’t for a myriad of reasons. Here’s some reasons:
1. one girl flakes on you b/c she needs to “work” that day
2. one girl just doesn’t like you on the date for some reason
3. one girl is just a prude and doesn’t want it to go beyond conversation.
4. one has to wake up early the next day so she cuts the date short.
5. make up another excuse here..
6. make up another excuse here..
7. make up another excuse here..
8. make up another excuse here..
Until you reach the girl that is DOWN.
And what does down mean exactly?
Well, that depends on your goals.
1. If you’re looking for “gf” material, than I’d say 1 out of those 10 would probably be close to your match. Although not perfect. I’d say a perfect match would be 1 out of 100 or so dates. But anyway, for this specific girl – you can either have sex with her or not, if the vibe’s there (ie you like eachother) it won’t matter any way.
2. If you’re looking to just plain have sex, than I’d say 1 out of those 10 there’s a really good chance.
So know what you want, and know how to filter them.
But don’t change yourself too much. The “you” that you portray on the date shouldn’t be any different from the guy you are when you’re hanging out with friends. Meaning, you shouldn’t modify yourself for the girl in any way. You should also never get angry or disappointed in a girl that “doesn’t work out”. The ones that “don’t work out” I just see them for what they are– just one that didn’t logistically work out for some reason.
But alot of the times on this forum I see guys that post things like “why doesn’t she answer to my text!??!” … should I maybe wait 2 days, walk up and down the stairs 50 times, and then message her, maybe she’ll answer then?
No dummy, don’t modify yourself for ANYBODY. she will either like you for what you are or she’s just one of the girls that falls into the “no” category. Instead, focus your time on different girls because you’re bound to find the one that can’t get enough of you.October 8, 2014 at 9:14 am #71760dyonisosParticipant
I like your posts ryano. While this post is realistic and honest i find thise statistics somewhat brutal though.
Out of 10 approaches you get 1-2 numbers.
Out of 10 numbers you get 1-2 dates/sex.
To get 10-20 number you get to do 100 approaches.
That means 1-2 out of 100 girls you approach will be interested in you in romantic sexual way.
It takes mass approaching but more important is that unless you live in a big city like NYC you will have probem to find 100 hot chicks in lets say month span time and you can quickly get an „reputation”. I am picky and it takes me some time several hours of walkng arond to spot 5 hot girls..October 8, 2014 at 9:27 am #71762ryanoParticipant
Not exactly, out of 10 approaches I get 1-2 numbers. (mainly because of the BF bullshit. But what can I do alot of them have bf)
Now out of 10 numbers I’ll probably get 6-7 dates. But I’ll probably have sex with 1-2 of them.
Let’s say sex 1 out of 4 girls I actually take on a date, and that’s on the first date and usually very quickly, within about 2 hours. The other girls I date within those 10 nums either she doesn’t like me or I don’t like her.
Unless she’s an amazing girl at which point I wouldn’t mind waiting for it for a few more dates..
Also, you need to understand what I mean by “approach”. Because I don’t really see it as an approach. For example, when I go to the supermarket I’ll usually “approach” a couple girls; but all I do is ask them stupid cooking questions and then ask them if they go out, and if I could invite them out.
Or sometimes I’m at starbucks and the girl waiting next to me, I almost always talk to. What else am I gonna do? I do it for fun mainly. I find it very boring to live life and not mess with people.
But I see what you’re saying, sometimes it’s hard within a given WINDOW of time to find a hot girl.
But that’s why you need to be doing this shit 24/7. Ie ANYTIME you see a hot girl you should approach her in any circumstance. It’s easier said than done. It took me a long time to develop that.
But it’s funny, once you’re there.. you’re kinda like “wow, life is so fucking boring if I DON’T approach all these chicks” so it’s almost like you have to to avoid boredom.
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