Is Your Game Under the Radar?

[BlueJay]

Hey Eric,

If someone were to see you doing an approach/doing day game, would they think you’re a PUA and think it’s unusual? Or is it under the radar?

I feel like a lot of day gamers are getting called out for spam approaching and making women uncomfortable. I think they’re even making laws against it in the UK. So I’m thinking it’s becoming more and more important to be indirect and smooth.

Those guys running in front of women to stop them and spam approaching looks really bad.

Curious what you think and what direction you think day game is going. Thanks

[Eric Disco]

I was just talking with Lee about the fact that I’m glad I’m not trying to learn game in this #metoo environment. Guys have enough negative thoughts in their brain without wondering if they are committing a crime by saying some words. It’s insane that in the UK they are making some kind of laws against talking with a stranger. Not sure if that’s exactly what’s happening but it seems like it from some reports.

To me, even aside from #metoo, it is challenging to consistently do super ballsy type direct approaches on a regular basis. There are some great benefits to that type of approach and some circumstances where it works great, but I think for the most part, indirect is the game to play.

I generally use the ‘deep thoughts’ opener, which isn’t completely indirect, but it is indirect enough that if the woman isn’t interested she doesn’t need to explicitly say she’s not interested. I may be on the subway, in a store, on the street, pretty much anywhere, and I open her with deep thoughts (“You look like you’re thinking deep, deep thoughts.”) From there, her response generally dictates whether I keep going. I am calibrated enough at this point in my game to read her subtle cues.

Some rejection type cues: she doesn’t say anything, she types on her phone, she gives a monosyllabic response like “no” or “yeah” or “uh uh” and looks away, she puts her headphones back in.

Some cues she’s interested or at least that I should keep going: she smiles, she responds with a complete sentence like “I think a lot of deep thoughts”, she stays in my presence when she could easily walk away, she could be looking down at her phone/book but doesn’t, she leaves her headphones off, etc.

To be honest, the chance of something negative happening is really slim either way. Most guys who are trying to get past approach anxiety aren’t the type to be so over-aggressive that a woman will call the police. I mean, you never know if a woman has an agenda against all men and wants to take it out on you. But the risk is really small. The bigger risk is a guy with a lot of social anxiety ending up feeling so terrible about himself that he stops approaching altogether. This is why I recommend starting indirect and if you want to challenge yourself, go direct for a while. Show some cajones. Other than that though, my preference tends to be indirect.

Eric

[BlueJay]

Thanks a lot Eric! Very thorough as usual.

[Uboot]

this is a very interesting thread for me as I am still in the process of figuring it all out after being shelved for 17 years.

I witnessed some approaches and they look TERRIBLE from outside. The key is to make it natural and that leads to positioning -as discussed w/Eric recently. Natural and correct positioning comes with experience, so how do you get there without getting burned too much?

My last case and point. I am trying to approach this girl that I see as she walks back home as I drive from work (tough as Eric concurred lately) but I took a stab at it. First attempt as soon as I saw her, I passed her and immediately pulled over, jump out of the car and tried to catch up to her. The girl walks FAST. I realized that running would look very desperate, so I retreated. Second time I set a road block. I pulled over, waited and … she never came that day. Both cases would look awful to a witness. Luckly, there is hardly anyone ever there. This is way too much work for one girl though. Making it look natural is REALLLY hard. I was going to switch to direct but it is draining and I don’t feel like I have enough experience or frankly, confidence at this point. It is a setback. Love the challenge though. Lonely Christmas is around the corner, so I better figure something out quickly:)

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