Is it just warming up?
February 10, 2015 at 6:36 pm #72765
I have followed the steps in Eric’s book and I have been able to approach for quite some time now (yay!).
BUT, after a certain point it does not seem to get any easier. Warm ups help. Certain approaches are easier than others. But that’s it.
1) Is there something else to do to make it easier to approach? Or is it just a question of more practice?
2) Will it get to the point where I can approach most of the girls I see? Or is there a limit to how “easy” this thing gets? Somebody who has experienced severe anxiety, I think, will know. For people who never had it, I don’t think this applies.
Looking forward to hearing your opinion.
Zhelyazko GrudovFebruary 10, 2015 at 7:34 pm #72768
From your previous posts it sounds like you approach a LOT and are able to do it, which is great (I can’t!) but you rarely if ever push things forward. Becoming comfortable means follow-through, like in any sport. Just swing as far as the ball just to hit it, and maybe you’ll make safe contact, but you’ll never put it away. You need to swing THROUGH–as the follow through really shapes theh ultimate trajectory. This is true in probably any sport, and it’s true with girls, too 🙂 Follow through with women just means taking things that many steps further.
Will you ever have NO fear, as Ryan O often talks about on here? I can’t tell you that–depends on the person.February 10, 2015 at 8:00 pm #72769
achieving no fear is possible. I used to be the worst trust me. a few years ago i had a coaching session with sasha daygame, and he told me out of the hundreds of guys he coached i was the one with the most anxiety he’s ever seen.
1) it is just more practice. that’s all it is really. when u think it gets hard. practice some more. until it gets easy.
practice everything. practice indirect, direct, situational. practice weird logistical situations like the girl is jogging, or she’s with 10 of her girlfriends, or she’s on the phone. then practice saying anything you want to them. things that don’t even make sense. like “geesh does cats go to a pond?”… practice the most basic opener: “hi”. anything u have trouble with just practice that… so yes, to your answer: practice, practice, practice. go to huge cities and open thousands of people. that’s right: THOUSANDS. that’s what i had to go through to beat this. but i was very determined. it’s all i could think about day and night.
2) yes. if you do 1) you’ll be able to approach anyone. you won’t need to get into “state”. or any of that beginner shit. you’ll be able to approach naked playboy playmates and have them not even phase you in the least. in fact, you’ll get bored. but that’s the next problem: boredom. you’ve done the impossible so many times there’s no butterflies in the stomache, there’s no anxiety, there’s nothing really. so you get jaded… but being jaded is definitely better than having approach anxiety. whenever i want a date now i just approach 10 of them and i get a date. it’s not a problem.February 10, 2015 at 8:42 pm #72771SomeguyUKParticipant
Dude, I’ve been in the EXACT same place as you in recent months and got through it.
I had quite a lot of AA and always did a lot of warm ups. Many times I would go out practising for 3 hours, but it would take me 2.5 hours to get warmed up so I would only have time for 1 proper approach after that.
‘Ramping up’ always seemed to work quite well until I started trying to use Lee’s Deep Thoughts, which I found scarier than a normal direct approach for some reason. Then, no matter how much ‘ramping up’ I did, every time I went in to try ‘Deep Thoughts’, I felt like I was about to fall off a cliff.
But one day I went out for hours and managed to do 3 ‘deep thoughts’ approaches in a row. I told myself I could buy myself a new ipod dock if I did 3, which kinda helped. Ever since then it’s been easier.
You just have to plow through it. Just accept that it’s gonna feel like crap, but it will work.
I think if you’re at that stage where you just have to make that last big jump, you are doing really well. After pushing through that most recent stage, I don’t need to ramp up any more. I approached a really hot girl today that I have seen maybe 4 times around where I work. I had always pussied out of approaching her before, but today I finally did it, with no warmup 🙂
Keep going man, just plow through it.February 10, 2015 at 8:54 pm #72774
Is Sasha that comedian guy in London? NEver met him but I heard about him.February 10, 2015 at 8:58 pm #72775
yeah, he’s the guy that wears the vertical pony tail.
the only thing I learned from him on our coaching session is if this idiot can get girls i can DEFINITELY get girls! 🙂February 11, 2015 at 10:25 pm #72780
You need to swing THROUGH–as the follow through really shapes theh ultimate trajectory. This is true in probably any sport, and it’s true with girls, too 🙂 Follow through with women just means taking things that many steps further.
Right on @MrAntiquity
@SomeguyUK I really appreciate this. Thank you. It helps knowing that this IS the way forward. And good job to you too!
@ryano hahaha you are epic 😀February 12, 2015 at 1:03 am #72790
haha–yup–that’s the Sasha I thought it was. Yeah–its true he doesn’t seem to give much of a rat’s ass about anything.
Although–if I ever end up acting like him? Shoot me 🙂February 12, 2015 at 2:19 am #72797
Ugh. As a long time coach watching this Sasha video, all I can do is cringe. “You’re amazing” “You’re lovely” “You’re hot” Nothing but compliments, compliments, compliments. He’s a good looking guy so he’s going to get some girls anyway, but he’s actually working against himself. He could be doing so much better. All he projects is a nervous energy and a need to make girls laugh. This is what I would be thinking if I were a girl: “He knows nothing about me and he’s trying sooooooo damn hard. He must not have enough beautiful women in his life.” The one number he gets at the end is worthless. I see no actual buy in whatsoever. None of these girls are actually interested in anything he’s saying. It’s all one way. They love the validation, but they hardly ask him any questions. Even if I got a chance to go on a date with one of these girls, I wouldn’t. I have enough beautiful women in my life. I want to go on dates that are fun, exciting, and interesting, and none of these girls are showing any indication that that’s what a date with them would be like.
–LeeFebruary 12, 2015 at 9:37 am #72799
Lee, you are very skeptical of women – a mindset I really like. But how do you merry that up with constantly escalating. It feels like if I am skeptical I shouldn’t be escalating (as I am not sure if I like her).
What is the mindset that sits behind it?February 12, 2015 at 1:20 pm #72802
You escalate because you think she’s hot. It’s the only thing you know about her. Touch her, tease her, talk about the inappropriate and sexual. That is completely honest.
But don’t give her a free pass on the stuff you don’t know about her! Is she smart? Is she funny? Is she accomplished? Is she well read? Is she insightful? Does she understand people? Etc., etc. Not only will you filter out boring women, but you will also make the most desirable women more interested in going out with you. Why? Because the most desirable men are picky. They have plenty of beautiful women in their lives. They don’t need to accept boredom to get beauty. Women intuitively understand this behavior of the most desirable men. This is why studies show that women are more attracted to men who are not immediately and completely convinced that any woman, no matter how beautiful is good enough for them.
Men who are bad with women do the opposite. By not sexually escalating, both physically and psychologically, they deny the true nature of their desires. At the same time, they shower women with compliments. They tell women how smart and accomplished and cool and amazing those women are for the flimsiest reasons, reasons that are obviously just a pretense because these women haven’t said or done anything to deserve those compliments!
Be honest! You’re sexually interested? Drag her into the hot zone. You’re interested in more than that? Challenge her. Ask her tough questions. Make her work for it. That’s when women start chasing men.
–LeeFebruary 12, 2015 at 8:44 pm #72804
zhelyasko, it depends what you want. do you want a meaningful relationship or do you want mindless sexual encounters?
if you see a hot girl in a club, think ditzy blonde chick that you just want to have some fun with. does it really matter what books she’s read? or what profession she’s in? i don’t think so. just escalate. sometimes the girl is really horny too and all she wants is sex, and a tiring intellectual conversation is exactly what will ruin it for her.
however, if you’re looking for an LTR of’course you want to know that she’s accomplished, she has a great personality, etc. She’s also looking for the same.
i believe that lee wants meaningful relationships with women. that’s great. i’m looking for the same thing at this point too. but you can’t assume that all men want that. i know plenty of guys that want to get laid as much as possible and the above advice would ruin it for them.
so again, just know what you want and seek girls that are looking for the same thing. that’s really what it all comes down to. finding girls with a similar interest as you.February 13, 2015 at 6:33 pm #72805
Whether you want to sleep with lots of women or have a long term relationship, challenging women is a great way to reverse the power dynamic and get women to invest more in your time together. They’ll do it if they think you’re valuable enough. Value takes on different forms – confidence, looks, status, money, pre-selection, etc. By being bold and sexually aggressive, you are displaying some forms of value. If you are also good looking and you approach often enough, this alone will get you plenty of dates. However, if you are not good looking or you just want to do better with what you already have, you can learn to adopt the behavior of the most desirable men. You’re not learning some stupid trick. The most desirable men do things that are good habits for any man. One of the things that the most desirable men do is they challenge women, even beautiful women. Beauty is bountiful in their lives, so beauty alone is often not enough for them, and they show that by challenging women to prove that they are otherwise interesting, that they are funny, smart, cultured, accomplished, etc. Women find this type of behavior very attractive. The more desirable they are, the more they want to be with men who find them attractive for more than their looks. So whether you want a chick for a one night stand or you want to make babies with her, you’re better off if you do more than just keep telling her how hot she is.
—LeeFebruary 13, 2015 at 7:57 pm #72806
“The more desirable they are, the more they want to be with men who find them attractive for more than their looks.”
Not from my experience. The hottest girls are the ones that just want sex the most. I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve pulled from clubs, and even daygame in less than an hour and went home with straight right away right into sex, with no gimicks or bullshit.
I didn’t challenge them in the least. It was on from the moment we locked eyes. Am I good looking? I’d say about average. My vibe is sexual with girls though. And after I slept with these girls I always talked about game with them, and almost everyone told me the same thing:
That it’s refreshing when a guy is just clear what he wants. That most guys pussyfoot around them and guys don’t tell them what they really want. And alot of girls just want cold hard sex, it’s the truth. So that’s really the only way I separate myself from the herd these days.
So not so sure what you mean by challenging. If I see a girl I want to have sex with, do I need to challenge her intellectually? Not really. I’m telling you the honest truth. A playboy playmate can literally have the personality of a shoe and I’d still want to sleep with her. What can I say? I’m just a normal man. So doing anything else would be fake. I find that women actually are really turned on to guys that are true and unapologetic about their nature.
Does she require me to challenge her so that she thinks I want to “get to know her personality”? Absolutely not. I think we live in a new era now where girls are exposed to sex alot more than back in the day due to cell phones and technology. Girls these days are perverts. All you need to do really is just hand them sex, you’re essentially a vibrator for them. So not sure where you’re coming from with all this “challenge” them stuff or make them think I want them more from their looks when so many girls that I’ve slept with has ONLY been for their looks and they knew it and were STILL ok with it.February 13, 2015 at 8:20 pm #72807
Yes, everyone’s experience is different but that is exactly why we have serious academic studies. I am going to post a study that just came out that essentially shows that your experience doesn’t reflect the most common truth. In this study, it is clear that the more beautiful the woman, the more she wants a long term relationship. On the other hand, the more attractive the man, the more he wants to play the field. Coming as a separate post in the next 24 hours. This reflects my experience and that of my students as well.
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