How to Not Give a Fuck

[ryano]

Few guys here are coming into this with nervous jitters when asking girls simple questions or openers, or trying to get better at expressing their sexuality. I wanted to explain a little how to develop the “I don’t give a fuck” mindset, which is crucial for pickup.

When you’re new to pickup, you come into it like a guy that’s new to the gym. Ie you have small bicep muscles.

What you’re trying to do is get big bicep muscles:

in pickup, the correlation to this is “how much you give a fuck”.

When you’re starting out. EVERYTHING phases you. you’re like a scared little cat:
1. what will people around me think?
2. what will she think?
3. what will happen to my reputation?
4. what if she gets mad?
5. what if she doesn’t like my opener?
6. what if she thinks i’m a creep?
and on and on…

This is similar to having small bicep muscles.

And the way to develop the “I don’t give a fuck attitude” is similar to developing it in the gym:
RESISTANCE. (which is pickup means REJECTION)

You need to get rejected hundreds and hundreds of times to not feel the sting anymore. You need to *GO* for the rejection.

Eventually you start cultivating a mindset:
1. Nobody cares about me so I don’t care about anyone.
2. who gives a shit what this girl thinks.
3. I’ll open a girl any way I damn well please cause this is *MY* world.
4. I don’t give a FUCK what the people around her think. I’m taking action. they’re just passive sheep.
5. I’ll do WHATEVER i want. I’ll open people ANY way I want.
6. If a girl walks away from me, HA! it’s her loss.
7. I want to see if this weird opener works on this girl. It’ll be funny if she walks away.
8. On the date, I’m gonna escalate on this girl and if she freaks out, I’ll have to let her go. I’ll just get myself another girl that’s more sexually active. I need girls that are more sexually active in my life not a bunch of prudes.

Now building this mindset is easier said than done.

Janka said it best once that anxiety is just your experience. So if this is your first approach then the girl means 1/1 (ie 100%) to you which will make you VERY nervous. but if it’s your 10,000th approach then the girl means 1/10,000 (ie 0.01%) to you which won’t make you nervous at all. At that point you’re comfortable and you can take certain liberties that you couldn’t take when you were new to this. that’s why I can do weird shit like have sex in a public restroom after 30 mins of meeting her. because my comfort level is thru the roof with girls. and the weird thing about girls is their comfort level = your comfort level. they always look for the guy on how they should react to things. if you’re nervous, she’s nervous. that’s just how they work.

Now it took me a damn 2 years with HOURS of work put in to build this mindset completely. I don’t even know what anxiety or nervousness means anymore because I just don’t see girls in the same way I used to. Now I just see them as either “maybe she’ll work out, maybe she won’t. I don’t care either way”. But I got there through ALOT of rejection. So embrace the rejection. it’s your friend. it’s what’s going to grow you up. You need it. You need to understand that nobody gives a FUCK about you in this world and everyone is just looking out for their own interests at all times. If you don’t believe me just go to a store or the street and observe people and their faces.

[MrAntiquity]

I approach it a bit differently, actually.

See–I actually WANT to give a fuck. If I just see girls as a numbers game–take it or leave it–it takes the tension out of it–for me, it also takes the excitement out of it. I want to care what the girl might think about me–just not to the point of self-sabotage.

Nervousness is a good thing–nervousness that prevents you from acting isn’t a good thing. So rather than trying to throw myself at a wall 10,000 times to be impervious to emotion, I like the idea of saying “Ok, I’m nervous..so what? I’ll try it anyway”.

It’s like calling a girl up to ask her out back in 9th grade. Sure, you were nervous, but you generally gave it a shot anyway. Talking to random girls should be the same. Butterflies are good–paralysis is bad.

[ryano]

dont even compare this to 9th grade lol. I’m talking about industrialization on a metropolitan scale. that’s like comparing starbucks to a lemonade stand.

you’re still nervous/ie give a fuck cause you’re simply not there yet. I read some of your posts about nervousness about escalating. you still need to work on NGAF. guys that are still not there will give every excuse in the book why it’s important to GAF. but that’s cause they havent been to the end of the rainbow yet.

[ryano]

And Mr Antiquity, I’m not trying to single you out. From your posts you sound like a very intelligent, down to earth guy.

But Quoting you, you said yourself:
“That said, I don’t date. Well, incredibly rarely. I’m the kind of person who gets in situations that seem like they’re really, really about to go somewhere exciting–then they don’t. I’m the person who goes on dates that last for hours and end up in political discussions while the girl eventually sleeps with some other character and vanishes. Now I know this is my fault–I’ve always had trouble “making the move” or, what some here call “escalating”. I don’t believe that you should always be escalating like some PUAs think, but my problem is not doing it. Why don’t I do this? Largely because there’s a huge part of me that doesn’t believe the results can be real.”

So I’m merely here to try and take you by the reigns like a horse to the promised land. But you’re stalling because something in you has always GAF.

And I used to be there too. ooooh, trust me I know exactly what guys in this forum are going through. But as soon as I NGAF’d I saw the light and what this world has to offer. If you look at well known puas out there. like honest signalz, or tom torero, krauser, paul janka, or any of those other guys. You’ll see that they don’t take themselves seriously and they don’t take girls seriously because they’ve cultivated the NGAF mindset. It’s not that they’re better looking or that they’re even smarter or better in any way than other guys out there. similarly, I know that I’m no better than anyone in this forum. But it’s just all about developing those those “biceps” that I’m talking about in this post. And it’s not easy. It takes alot of dedication and time. but practice is really the only thing that it takes.

[ryano]

and here’s a vid of NGAF to illustrate my point. Here’s a true cocksman from Spain, see his other vids. (but regardless all true cocksmen have this ability). some of you my point out that he’s a young and good looking guy. But BEHAVIOR is WAAAAAY more important in daygame. expressing your sexuality, flirting, etc. It’s his behavior that is NGAF to the n’th degree.

[The_Hurricane]

Most worthless video I’ve ever seen. Another great looking guy sarging girls who are not nearly as good looking as he is and getting a very lukewarm yes for contact info that – to anyone who really understands what women look like when they’re into a guy – appears to be TOTALLY WORTHLESS. The hottest of those girls wasn’t even an 8. This guy is easily a nine plus. This isn’t even game. All he does is compliment the shit out of them, gets lukewarm agreement on a Facebook contact, and walks away knowing absolutely nothing else about them.

–Lee

[ryano]

Lol, I knew you’d come at me with that one. You’re way infatuated with looks aren’t you? Fine. take a look at Tom Torero or Justin Wayne or Honest Signalz or Simple Pickup. Guys that don’t fit the stereotypical “seducer” look. They do equally well. I chose Alvaro not because of his looks but because of his behaviorism and he relates to what I’m talking about. He’s more sexual than most guys I’ve seen.

[MrAntiquity]

RyanO–

Reason I don’t date much is because of a lot of internal stuff that doesn’t have all that much to do with girls, fundamentally. It’s not nervousness that’s the problem–it’s a mental block. Rejection doesn’t throw me–looking like I’m doing something out of the ordinary does. I’ve approached probably 1000 girls and I never feel ok about doing it–I feel like I’m going against something. So in THAT sense it would be nice to not give a fuck, but if 1,000 approaches aren’t doing it, something else is going on–and 5,000 approaches isn’t going to be the answer.

I’ve been where I wanted to be before–about 5-6 years ago–not long after reading the Game. I felt empowered to do whatever I wanted–although I may have felt nervous about it. IT was a good feeling. Unfortunately I lost it though. But it’s never been about really not caring at all for me…

[ryano]

MrAntiquity, fair enough. I guess I don’t know for certain each person’s individual case. I just put up my own views and what helped me. I know it can surely resonate with some guys though. I do think a “mental block” comes from not having alot of positive reference experiences though. I’ve done some pretty wacky shit to know what’s possible. So I guess when I go out I always have those things in my mind to help motivate me. Before I had those I was blindly taking shots, that worked too b/c that’s what got me those experiences. And then it just snowballs.

Hurricane, here’s another vid of a not so good looking guy picking up girls. His NGAF level is great though, I’m sure he lays girls every once in awhile just because of his attitude. Attitude and taking Shots = Everything.

[The_Hurricane]

Think about how crazy this sounds. You have a million videos of good looking guys using their super confident, sexually aggressive personalities to sarge girls that are not even their equals (in terms of looks) only to get very suspect numbers. You’d think all of the profit for coaches would be on the other side, wouldn’t you? I mean on the side of average looking, middle aged coaches sarging girls who are much hotter than they are. That’s what would really impress my students. I know it would really impress me. I’ve never seen these videos. And even if there are some – a possibility that I will allow because I’m an open minded person – they must be very, very few and far between, or they’d be all over the Internet. I believe from my own experience and that of teaching and observing others, that men who have less to offer up front – in the first moments of approaching women – cannot win with the kind of game that works well for younger, good looking men approaching women who are not even their equals.

–Lee

[ryano]

The majority of guys learning pickup are in their 20s and 30s. So they don’t need to see middle aged guys. However, there are some in the industry like David Wygant, Ross Jeffries, etc. but I don’t believe that “game” changes with age. If I was in my 50s I would just hit on girls in their late 20s, early 30s. It would be roughly the same game though. I’d be running the same shit that Cupid Schmupid and Alvaro above are running, Ie just be flirty and hit on them, and polarize them. It ain’t freaking rocket science.

[The_Hurricane]

You finally posted a video I believe. It’s an average looking guy sarging average looking (and some older) women. None of the women in that video were good looking.

So you’ve shown me videos of good looking men sarging women who weren’t even as good looking as they are. You’ve shown me a video of an average looking man sarging average looking women and having some success. You still haven’t shown me a video of an average looking, older man successfully sarging young hotties, which, if the game you talk about was just as easy to implement for older men, we’d see ALL OVER THE INTERNET. We don’t.

Even by chance alone we should be seeing some. Maybe there are some, but I haven’t seen them. Workshops are filled with single men in their forties and fifties. It would be a great marketing gimmick for any pickup company. But there’s nothing out there.

This is a picture of David Wygant:

http://www.datingskillsreview.com/images/stories/jreviews/1343_1343Wygant41279681937_1368287851.jpg

He’s a very good looking man.

Ross Jeffries has never made a video.

I know how older men who are not particularly handsome can meet hotties. I am one of those men. I dated models, actresses, and other hot women in their 20’s. I am 50 and still routinely meet attractive women in their twenties as demo sets for my students. I get them to write to me and ask me out. So I agree with you that the disadvantage of age and looks can be overcome. What I have not seen any evidence for is the idea that older, less attractive men can get attractive women by running the type of game I see in these videos.

–Lee

[ryano]

That’s true, I haven’t seen any infields of older guys sarging younger girls. I’d like to though. It’d be interesting to see what’s possible out there. I do know of Jeff Bullet too. Doesn’t have much infields out there though.
http://www.bulletproofonpickup.com/about/

[The_Hurricane]

Jeff Bullet is another good looking guy:

http://www.bulletproofonpickup.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/001-e1305703418961.jpg

Wish I were that handsome. Nevertheless, if you had to categorize Bullet, he’d be closer to my camp than to yours. He’s not a natural game guy. He’s a Love Systems coach.

Instead of using my looks, I have to rely on aspects of my personality to overcome my deficits. That’s how it works. If you’re good looking, you can say very little. You can do what Janka does, simply ask for the phone number. Looks are a big part of your value. If you’re not as good looking, you have to provide value in other ways. Fortunately, there are many, many ways you can provide value, and you get to choose on which battleground that battle is fought.

–Lee

[ryano]

looks dont mean that much. an average looking guy in his 20s or 30s can go up to a girl in her 20s and simply ask for the number. your value is your boldness. girls dont need much more than that.

perhaps if you’re in your 50s and you approach a girl in her 20s u need more than that as you’re saying. but if you’re relatively in her age bracket u dont need to do anything fancy.

[Author]

Posts