How to get out?

[-Humz-]

Hey guys, Eric,

Just need some thoughts on this. Anything helps.

I’m currently going into my final year in university and I seriously just want to focus on studying and graduating. I’m currently going out with this girl from class but she showed me many, and I mean MANY, red flags and I really don’t wanna do it any more. We will see each other every day. She will be in every single class. I seriously don’t know what to do, or how to do it.

She’s in deep. Very deep. marriage thinking deep. She says things like “How did I get so lucky”.. “I am yours, forever” and she wrote me a mini book on how much she loves me … *ughh*.

I’m trying to grow distant.. and i’m texting her less and less every day.

Thanks in advance,

Humz

[Eric Disco]

Rough situation. The fact that you will see her every day makes this really hard on both of you.

You’re right to pull away a little first. That typically helps.

I wrote a long article about breaking up with her here:

http://approachanxiety.com/2009/09/how-to-break-up-with-her-and-deal-with-the-anxiety/

I still subscribe to everything I’ve written there. Let me know if you have any questions.

Eric

[-Humz-]

Eric,

Wow, that was medicine. Honestly, thank you.

I was on the phone with her yesterday and the conversation went silent for literally 3 mins straight. I had to end the call. My body’s fully rejecting her now.

I have a couple of questions, about physical separation and timing.

1) I can’t physically separate from her, we will be seeing each other every day, and I can’t help that. I’m gonna follow your advice and tell her we can try to work on a friendship but only after some time have passed; and after our feelings simmer down a bit. In terms of daily interaction, I was thinking a basic “hi, how are you?” and small talk for the sake of our history together (I just don’t want her to really tell me how she is.. yikes). I think ignoring her fully isn’t very humane, no?

2) In your article you mentioned timing is key. I wanna try to minimize damage to her life and especially her school (It’s amazing how right you are when you say I still care for this girl.. it’s so true). This is our final year and we both have to be focused. Knowing this girl, it will take her many weeks to get over me (sorry for sounding cocky, it’s not my intention, but i’m sure you’ve experienced these types of relationships).

School starts this Tuesday, and time is running out. She already wants to group up for many class projects, including a capstone project that will last both semesters. I know I can’t be in a group with her, our feelings will make these projects impossible to navigate.

Eric, Thank you so much for taking the time, man. I am eternally grateful.

Cheers,
Humz

[Eric Disco]

Here’s my suggestion. Do it as soon as possible. Let her know it is final. Tell her you think you want to be friends but that neither of you should make any promises. Tell her it’s probably better if the two of you don’t talk for a while.

When you see her in class, just wave hi to her. Don’t talk to her but don’t totally ignore her.

There’s an old saying, it’s cruel to be kind. In these situations, that is 100% true.

Eric

[elliotrey]

Eric is totally right here. The sooner the better is best.

That solution is both practical, helpful and respectful to you BOTH.
Also your not avoiding her, your not leading her on tho.

Thanks Eric this is a really good one!
Also thanks @-Humz- for your openness as well.

Essentially the longer you leave it the more it’s going to leave a bruise.

Peace & Thanks,

Elliot Rey
Get this and elevate your game: http://alphamastery.net

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