How to ask a girl from the gym on the date?

[EJ_ap]

I met this girl in the gym. She is really good looking and i always see guys chatting with her for 10 mins or so at a time. We see each other all the time and always said hi but never talked. Only recently we had few chats about random stuff. This week i saw her and she came up to me and said she saw me on the beach but i was already walking too far away so she didn’t come up to me.
Question is how do i ask her out without being just another guy in the gym hitting on her or asking her out. I’m sure there had been plenty. And if she says no i might feel awkward afterwards seeing her in the gym again.

[The_Hurricane]

She seems like she’s at least mildly interested. Start one of your normal conversations with her, chat for a few minutes, then say something like this:

“Hey, this Thursday, I am getting together with some friends for dinner down around (name the area). Should be done around 9-ish. After that, there’s supposed to be a good cocktail bar down there called (name a place). When I’m done with my friends, I’m going to check out their Gin Fizz. You should tag along.”

What does this do? First, you’re not really asking her out. You’re telling her what you’re doing and offering her the opportunity to tag along. This relieves some of the pressure. Second, it’s easier for her to say no. She can just say she’s busy Thursday evening.

What if she does say she’s busy that evening and doesn’t offer an alternative? Do nothing. She’s given you her answer. You gave her a polite way to say no – she’s busy – and she took it.

What if she’s busy that day but wants to get together with you? She’s going to offer an alternative. All girls would. Her: “I can’t do Thursday but I’m around all of next week.” You: “No worries. Give me your email. I’ll check what day works for me.”

It’s that simple.

–Lee

[ryano]

EJ, you’re overthinking it. You want to ask her out but you’re scared of asking her out, and moreover you’re scared of feeling awkward?

You can trust me that you’re feeling more awkward than she is.

Here’s a few gym approaches that I made in the past:

1. Girls running on the treadmill, I get on the treadmill next to her I just tap her on the shoulder. She stops. I say “sorry to interrupt, this will only take a second. But I saw you I thought you looked great. Can I invite you out sometime?” took her number and went on a date a week later.
2. Girl walks past by me in the gym to get a towel, I open her with a “excuse me??” she goes “yeah?” i go “I saw you and I thought you looked really fit.. have you been here for a long?” we talked, she gave me her number, we texted back and forth but forgot about her due to other obligations.
3. Sometimes I’ll go more indirect so I’ll say “what exercise is that? what muscles does it target” to a girl exercising next to me.. Then I’ll just ask for her number at the end.

As far as what Hurricane said, I don’t agree. Just ask her out without all the foreplay. Talk to her next time you see her and after a minute say “I gotta go back to working out.. any chance I could invite you out sometime?”. And that’s it, take her number and text her.

As far as feeling awkward you’re kidding me right? I’ve hit on many girls in the gym. They become background noise after awhile. I hit on girls everywhere, in the supermarket, on the street. Why in the world are you feeling awkward, you’re a man taking care of his business. Fuck cares about what one girl thinks anyway. You said yourself that she’s talking up a storm in there, so why can’t you? I can bet you anything you want other guys have been tapping her from your gym.

[EJ_ap]

Thanks Lee and ryano for the replies. I am leaning more towards Lee’s advice on it. I can’t directly approach her since we already been chatting few times. So that will sound weird. Plus if she says no I’ll fall into that category next guy who asked her out in the gym. Don’t think she has been tapping guys. I know many tried but she cuts them off.

Lee, what would you say? How many days in advance i should offer her that? I don’t really like expression tag along. Sounds like something you say to a puppy. Perhaps something like you should pass by for a drink?
I tried this approach with my facebook but i told that one day in advance and girl said she already has plans. Then she said let’s do it another time. What should you do in this case?

[The_Hurricane]

Stop by, pass by, tag along, whatever. That will make no difference. The important thing is that you give her a way out. Sounds like you did that with the other girl and she did exactly as I told you she would: she was busy so she offered you an alternative. At that point, you’d say “checking calendar for next week. will let you know soon.” After a few hours or maybe as much as a day, just tell her “next wednesday at 7, joe’s pub. the adventure begins.”

–Lee

[EJ_ap]

Maybe i’m overthinking but right after she told me let’s do it some other time ( she didb’t exactly specified when she is free) i said exactly as you said. I’ll check my schedule and get back to you. Then i said should i contact you through facebook or can i have your number? She hasn’t responded since.
So now if i tell her again where to meet me wouldn’t sound either needy or too pushy?

[The_Hurricane]

You asked this girl one too many questions. The last question you asked made you sound anxious and weak. You should have just gotten back to her later and told her what to do. At this point, I would wait and ping her again in a week. Will it work? She ignored your message so probably not, but that’s your best bet.

–Lee

[EJ_ap]

Ok, update. She left me her phone number. Now when is the best time to tell her to meet me sometime next week? Or maybe Sunday?

Thanks for all advices. Appreciate it.

[The_Hurricane]

I like Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays. They’re days that de-weight the importance of the date, which is exactly what you want to do.

–Lee

[ryano]

Let me just add one last thing here cause I think this discussion is important. And it’s something that I struggled with for a couple years before I figured this out and got seriously good at this.

But I want to look deeply at what you’re doing here:
“And if she says no i might feel awkward afterwards seeing her in the gym again.”
“Plus if she says no I’ll fall into that category next guy who asked her out in the gym.”
“Then she said let’s do it another time. What should you do in this case?”
“Lee, what would you say? How many days in advance i should offer her that?”

You need to understand that you’re putting her above yourself. You’re creating all these rules and regulations as for what to do and what to not do to satisfy HER. This will jeopardize yourself with her. I’d bet it already has quite truthfully. because it comes across in your demeanor like you’re trying to play it “safe”. That’s no fun for girls. They view safety as boring, and very predictable.

When you play “the game”. You’re doing what pretty much every other guy out there does. It clouds your own unique personality and makes you a societal clone. “How many days should I wait before BLABLA, what should I say when I see here”. All this nonsense needs to go out the window.

I would heavily advise you to start doing what YOU want to do and don’t care so much about what people think. And by that I mean, text her whenever you want. talk to her or ask her out any way YOU want. and when I say “you” I mean it’s up to you when to do all that. You don’t need other men telling you when to do it.

You’re cluttering your unique personality with stupid rules. I used to do that alot. Now I do whatever I want at all times because I’m not trying to be safe with them and that’s ironically what they want. I actually make it a point to go against all the “rules” that men make for themselves. So sometimes when a girl takes 10 hours to write me back, I’ll msg her right away and tell her “wow it only took you 10 hours to respond?”. Or on the date I’ll start talking about sexual things off the bat. Or on the approach I say whatever I want, whatever amuses me. Because my amusement is more important to me than the girl.

Be yourself. be your real self. stop trying to prove yourself to anybody or asking people how to act. And most importantly don’t be afraid to lose them. Another part of being yourself and doing what you want is talking to new girls each and every day so you’re never in a lack of options.

[Author]

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