Escalation – is it the same as approaching?

[zhelyazko]

Hiya good folks,

I have the same anxiety/fear feeling stopping me from escalating as I get from approaching. Is the method by which I tackle this the same as tackling approach anxiety- gradual challenges? Is there something else to do which is faster/ more effective?

Many, many thanks 🙂

Kind Regards,
Zhelyazko

[MrAntiquity]

For me the resistance to approaching is similar to the resistance to escalation too. But they’re not necessarily the same–it can depend on the person. Some people have no trouble going up to women but can’t make a move (or vice versa)

But it sounds like for you (as well as me) they’re different points on the same scale. I think that a gradual method is the best approach–although have you thought about online dating? I’m not a huge fan (in part because I’m short so I have an automatic filter working against me that I don’t have in real life) but it can be really helpful in getting you out on dates so that you can see what real–rather than abstract–dating interactions feel like and can try pushing things forward in person.

[zhelyazko]

I’m not the tallest person around either :D, but would be willing to try online dating as a supplement. But what is a good website? If you don’t want to advertise on here you can email on grudovz@gmail.com , if you get the time.

Regards,
Zhelyazko

[MrAntiquity]

it wouldn’t be advertising–things like match.com (is that still a big one?), okcupid, etc are popular. Even craigslist–although it’s complete luck of the draw who you find on there since it’s completely unmoderated. Maybe some other people on here have a thought too.

[zhelyazko]

I will have a look. Thanks 🙂

[SomeguyUK]

Personally I find escalating more easy than approaching, because when you’re spending time with a women, it’s fairly easy to read her and figure out when to make your next move. But you still need to be bold at some point. I like doing somewhat ballsy things like grabbing a girl by her waistband and pulling her in for a kiss. They love that.

[zhelyazko]

Kudos to you SomeguyUK.

I do agree it’s easier (a bit) on a date when you can get to know the girl. but in a nightclub you don’t have the time to get to know a girl (and it’s too loud).

[SomeguyUK]

You don’t have to have a full date, it happens really quickly. Girls will totally signal to you when they are open to being touched/escalated. Things like playing with their hair, licking their lips, exposing the side of their neck or their inner thigh, playing with their wineglass/bottle neck, touching you in any way, are all good signs. Also pay attention to how she is standing. If she is standing square on to you (i.e not turned away at all), and looking at you right in the face and smiling a lot, you’re definitely in a good place to escalate.

Some of these I noticed myself, some of them I got from a book called ‘Superflirt’ by Tracey Cox that I have started reading recently. Some PUA guy recommended it to me and you can get it on amazon for £0.01.

However, some girls are more inhibited and don’t give so many obvious signals, but if a girl is spending time with you and ignoring her friends, that is usually a good enough sign to make a move.

[zhelyazko]

Thanks for the advice SomeguyUK. Really useful. I need to learn to pay attention to these things.

[Author]

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