Emotional interest

[The_Hurricane]

Here’s an interesting video that shows the sexual gender divide in terms of what we want, expect, and are comfortable with.

It’s a pretty woman who walks around asking men to have sex with her. Most men are stunned. They don’t know what to do. This is not part of their reality.

Women expect that men will first show sexual interest. Men expect that women will first show what I call emotional interest. Some people may disagree with my use of the term emotional interest. What I mean by emotional interest is that women will show interest by trying to build a connection. Some of them are not very good at it because they’re not used to being responsible for managing the conversation, but when they’re put on the spot, they ask about things that may reveal a commonality or an interesting personality trait or an unusual background and set of experiences. In other words, they want to be interested in who you are and what you’re about.

That is why what the woman does in this video appears so strange to us. She is showing pure sexual interest. To illustrate my point, I’d modify this experiment ever so slightly. For ten minutes, I’d ask the woman to talk about totally non-sexual things. “Hey, do you live around here? I just moved to the neighborhood and I want to ask you a a question. How is it around here? Is it safe? Are there fun things to do? What do you do? How long have you lived here?” After ten minutes of this, the woman can say “Well, I still have some boxes to unpack so I gotta get moving. There’s a pitcher of margaritas in my fridge. You wanna help me move one big box and I’ll pour you a glass of the best margarita you’ve ever had?” Boom. She’s done. Every man in this video will go home with her and agree to have sex. The only difference between the social experiment she ran and the one I am describing is that, in my experiment, she first engages men by seeking some kind of rapport.

Now, what happens when men try the same thing? When men start a conversation by asking a bunch of non-sexual, rapport building questions and suddenly offer a transparent reason for getting women back to their place? NOTHING HAPPENS! Women correctly conclude that the men who prefer this type of strategy are afraid of expressing their real sexual interest and file them away in the dickless orbiter category.

The lesson of this thought experiment is clear. Men must first show sexual interest while withholding emotional interest because that is precisely the opposite of what women do.

–Lee

[zhelyazko]

Thanks for sharing. I like how this connects with what we have been previously talking about. My (limited) personal experience supports this.

However, the guy should be mostly expressing his sexual interest through actions and talking about sexual topics, etc. rather than telling her explicitly he wants sex. Correct?

Regards,
Zhelyazko

[SomeguyUK]

I understand that it is important to show sexual interest. However, I find it really hard to find the right balance because I feel like so much of the time, women are thinking “oh this guy just wants to fuck me”. I find a lot of the time as soon as you exhibit some sexual interest, that’s when they get weirded out.

For example yesterday I see this cute girl standing in front of the tube station.I open her with ‘deep thoughts’, but she was straight away excessively chatty with me so I had to abandon the normal routine. We talk for about 10 minutes and have a few laughs.Eventually I tell her that I am playing a gig at the venue opposite later that night, she asks how much it is to get in; she wants to come to the show. So she definitely had some kind of interest. Then at the end of the conversation I touch her on the arm and say something a bit flirty to show I am interested sexually, and I get this weird look from her. She gives me her number and gets me to call her, but I could see she didn’t save my number.

I texted her a bit later to say I’d got her on the guest list, but she didn’t turn up or reply to my text.

I guess it could have been anything, maybe she didn’t like me and was just being super friendly. But sometimes it really feels like being sexual is what turns them off.

[zhelyazko]

But it is good if it polarises women right? I mean you find out straight away if she likes you or not? And you cqn move onto the ones who like you sexually?

[The_Hurricane]

@SomeguyUK

Having a long, friendly conversation and then trying to turn up the heat at the end is probably the hardest thing you can do. Her opinion of you has already formed and by trying to be sexy, you are probably going to creep her out. You have to start gradually turning up the heat at the very beginning. It makes sense. If you want to see her again, you’re at least physically attracted and she knows it. So why aren’t you showing any sexual interest? Are you shy? Do you know how to handle yourself around women you like? Then, suddenly, you switch gears. Awkward city!

–Lee

[SomeguyUK]

Goddamn it you’re right. I think its just Im losing control of the conversation and then not finding any easy opportunities to be sexual.

Doesn’t it count for something that I approached her in the first place?

Fuck me this game is hard.

[Cartoox]

@someguyuk – Been in the same situation more times than I care to remember..….
Lee & Eric taught me that it’s crucial to take back control of the conversation, even if it means appearing rude or brusque…
I try cutting them short by saying something on a completely different topic or only tangentially related to what she is talking about…sometimes I touch on the forearm and say “ hey, Tell me, what brings you to our fair city….? ” and then steer the conversation from there….

[zhelyazko]

@SomeguyUK It is very hard indeed. I often wonder how other people can do it without having to have studied this, but I guess some part of my brain just did not develop during childhood 😀

@Cartoox So it is crucial to steer the conversation. Note taken. Steering towards sexual topics and topics that are important to you so you can challenge her on it, right?

Regards,
Zhelyazko

[Cartoox]

@ Zhelyazko – yes that’s the idea , steering towards topics that are of interest to you or that you can develop into a conversation & topics or subjects that you can expand into sexual nuances ……of course all this is easier said than done ! Its partially a mindset thing ….when a girl we’ve just opened starts talking enthusiastically, our AA is relieved and we are happy to just let her prattle on…..

Another one that recently came up during a supermarket pickup – this was a Barbie type girl with long blonde hair all the way to her waist and an all black outfit…( I almost opened her with “Hey Barbie “ but thought the better of it )
she starts talking about her work situation….
She : in my office my boss and colleagues they like to work overtime, every day till 8 pm or later…we all have to…………..
Me ( cutting in right away ) they ‘re not really working that much………from my experience, when that happens they’re just using the office broadband, the guys are watching porn ( Pause ) and the girls are doing online shopping……..and gossiping about the guys….
She : (Gives me a long hard stare )….then “ Yes, that’s true also….haha “

Just to show how hard it is, despite a few minutes of conversation in which she seemed to be getting interested …..I bailed out of the interaction too early & didn’t get her number..….….( that was mostly just me being chicken )

[SomeguyUK]

Ah dude, I’ve done that so many times. Sometimes it’s going so well that you don’t want to risk fucking it up, so you bail. I think that’s the reason I haven’t got many dates doing this.

I get that you need to take control of the conversation, but what if you are actually enjoying what she is saying? With that girl I did stop and ask her questions, she would rabbit on again immediately, but I liked what she was saying. She was making me laugh, which girls don’t usually do. I actually wanted to listen to her.

Hmm. To answer my own question, I guess if it’s a one-way conversation its not gonna lead anywhere, regardless of how much I like what she is saying..

[Cartoox]

@someguyuk –….you’re so right.….AND I did it again this past weekend….bailed out of several promising interactions too early…despite being on a hot streak….God there are days when I wonder if I am completely retarded !! ….Better up my act now that Spring is almost here and there’s more & more cute girls out..…!

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