Creepiness Troubleshooting

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    It seems like I’ve been creeping some girls out in the past weeks — and this is frustrating.

    The following scenario happened more than once in a bus stop (with different people):
    While talking, I didn’t see any signs of her being creeped out, however, and they were friendly/smiling/laughing, etc. And I let’s say learned that she’s waiting for bus A. But as soon as any bus came (let’s say bus C), she’d leave me and take that bus instead, to get to the next stop, get off from bus C, then get on bus A. So the point is, it looks like as if I’m creeping her out that she had to take another bus, get off at the next stop, and get on bus A — the one she’s originally waiting for.

    Some possibilities:
    1. I was nervous myself when this happened. But how much can nervousness turn into creepiness?
    2. Because I gave them compliments on their hair/outfit/something physical? (sometimes as an opener, some other times in the middle of a conversation)
    3. I’m speaking too loud? Is this even a bad thing?
    4. Or something about my appearance?

    On another occasion, I tried talking to a woman at the bookstore, asking her if she sees any good book around (which has worked hundreds of times previously), and the only response I got was “BACK OFF!” This either means I did something creepy, OR a mere exception (because this was extreme & had only happened once).

    And I’d feel pretty guilty when this kind of things happen.



    Some more questions:
    1. What are some don’t dos to not creep women out?
    2. How do I distinguish between her being genuinely friendly, or being friendly due to social norms (hiding the fact that she’s creeped out inside)? Or is distinguishing such thing irrelevant?

    As a note, this whole creeping out thing never happened before I got into that one trouble with the security guard in a café whom prohibited me from flirting there from that time on. Back then, I even surprised a girl from France by making a mistake of approaching from behind, but that didn’t creep her out, merely surprised her.


    Don’t worry too much about creeping girls out. This is a personal journey for yourself. If they walk away, just move on to the next one. It’s largely about feeling comfortable in your own skin. People can sense when someone is feeling uncomfortable. And when you seem uncomfortable, then it makes them feel uncomfortable. Your goal in any interaction should be to make ‘them’ feel comfortable and you will often naturally become comfortable too (but not always). Don’t focus on micromanaging your own behaviour until you’re comfortable enough to do so. But some general things guys often do to creep a girl out are:

    * Asking too personal questions too quickly
    * Touching them in awkward ways, or too soon
    * Being too eager or insistent
    * Not being relaxed

    I’m sure there are others, but you shouldn’t really try to confuse yourself if you’re in the early stages (I’m not sure where you are at) and just gain lots of experience. Relax, don’t try too hard and have fun. Usually if you’re truly having fun, they will too. When you’re comfortable enough, then you can start tweaking behaviours.

    Eric Disco

    Creeping girls out isn’t that big a problem. Yes, you want to avoid it. Yes, you want girls to like you and avoid doing things that makes them uncomfortable. But far worse is not doing anything that could possibly not creep them out. Sounds weird to say that, so let me explain.

    You want her to see you as a man. As a presence. As someone sexual. This means you want to be a bit sexual with her. You want to come across as a bit dominant. If she sees you as sexual and dominant but isn’t attracted to you, you may creep her out a little or at least turn her off as a friend. Conversely, if you are 100% safe with her all the time, she’ll be nice and friendly but she won’t see you as a sexual force. Do you want friendly? No. Absolutely not. So you should be doing some sexual things, some touching, getting personal with her, etc., fairly early in the interaction.

    Here’s what I recommend. Because you’re obviously concerned that you’re not gauging these women correctly, you should drop conversation at a certain point near the beginning. Maybe after a sentence or two. Maybe after a minute or two. And let her pick it back up if she’s interested in you.

    So let’s pretend your conversation is far more interesting than this, but just for an example, you ask her where she’s from. She tells you. Then you ask her what she does. She tells you. After that, drop the conversation. Let her pick it back up. Let her ask you where you’re from or what you do. If she doesn’t, there’s a good chance she’s not interested. If she does pick it back up, you definitely know she’s interested.

    As an added bonus, dropping the conversation is a ballsy thing to do and can increase her attraction for you. It makes you seem less needy, like you have no problem walking away from her.



    Alright, thanks guys!
    And thanks for that tip, Eric! Been trying that for the past couple of days! 🙂

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