confessing and being honest

[silversun]

Hey Eric (or anyone reading),

I have recently learned that being genuine and honest on a date can help build a connection. Doing this along with the other strategies you talk about seems to work out well sometimes. However, I noticed in one of your blog entries (http://approachanxiety.com/2011/01/what-not-to-do-on-a-first-date/) you talk about how the nice guy confesses. You mention in the video how he confesses that he doesn’t go to strip clubs or drinks. This brought up two question for me. I don’t quite understand… Why is confessing a bad thing? Why is this something the nice guy does? And how is this different than being genuine and honest? Wouldn’t the girl prefer you to be honest so she can get to know the real you? Thanks

[Eric Disco]

There is nothing wrong with being genuine and honest. I highly recommend it. The problem is that when you think she will be attracted to you because of your honesty.

As a nice guy, I always used to do things like that guy in the post, admit things that weren’t particularly manly or showed my weakness. I would do this in the hopes that she would be attracted to me because of my honesty in revealing my weaknesses. But that doesn’t work.

I would not recommend going out on a date and revealing every single thing that pops into your head, every single weakness you have and anything she may not like about you. This is what I mean by ‘confessing.’

There really is no need to lie to women about anything. However, you should also consider carefully what you share with her. Don’t confess too much, particularly about your weaknesses. A little goes a long way. It’s not a therapy session, it’s a date. You want to be able to speak in emotional terms and understand her. Talk about what you love. Talk a bit about who you love (your family, your dog, etc.) But don’t go on and on about it. It’s good to get her to talk about that stuff but you revealing too much and coming across as sappy can easily turn a woman off.

Eric

[The_Hurricane]

Platonic example. You’re at a party. You meet an interesting guy – who happens to be in your field of work – and have a conversation. Suddenly, he starts telling you about how his girlfriend cheated on him and he resents his father for not being there when he struck out of the important little league game and how terrible he felt when… what!? Too much information! Sure, he’s just being honest, but this is not the level of honesty you expect to have with a stranger. It’s not making you feel closer to him. It’s just making you wonder why he doesn’t have someone in his life he can discuss this with. That’s what you would sound like if you were to jump the gun on sharing your emotions with a woman.

[Author]

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