Blast from the past

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  • #71318
    Slim
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    Howdy gents, been a while! I used to be relatively active on here in 2012, and after plenty of Lee’s coaching and my own approaching felt like the bird could leave the nest. Since then I’ve been in several relationships and approached a @#$ ton of women, mostly at morning farmers markets. Here’s some stuff I’ve learned:

    – Not approaching a girl is not the end of the world
    – Appearances are often deceiving. It’s very easy to create a persona for a girl, and to assume she would not be interested – only to realize that isn’t the case at all.
    – Girls love being approached, especially when you’re attractive and have decent game. This gets frustrating when you realize most hot girls have boyfriends, but still love the validation. How many times have I gotten to the end of a promising interaction to realize the girl has a bf? Too many.
    – Coaching is very helpful. I got some coaching from Lee in NYC and he helped me make an approach script. It took me a while to actually implement it, but when I did my interactions definitely improved.
    – When I first started approaching it was the world’s biggest adrenaline rush. Several hundred approaches later, the rush has waned. This is good and bad. If a girl is alone, I can approach without almost any hesitation. However when I first started approaching, the adrenaline rush from an initial approach (regardless of outcome) would fuel other approaches and would put me in a very positive emotional zone. This doesn’t happen as often now…
    – Approaching a woman more than one time isn’t the end of the world. I’ve probably executed repeat approaches 4-5 times in my life. It’s a little awkward, but I no longer feel intense embarrassment… (which is too bad, since it would probably spike my adrenaline ๐Ÿ˜‰ )
    – Investing tons of time in approaching has made me realize I can get very attractive women. This has been good and bad. Good because, hey, apparently I’m attractive enough to get attractive women. Bad because now my standards are much higher. Now I want a hot girl who is also intelligent, easy going, healthy, reads, has a great sense of humor, is not in $100k of debt, etc etc… When you know you can get hot women, it puts less pressure to work on the current relationship. It’s meant that I’m 29 and still have yet to find a “worthy” long term partner…
    – I’m addicted to validation. I feel good when hot women validate me/find me funny. Realistically, this has been a life long situation (really I’m addicted to the validation of people I consider attractive/high value). Learning to approach did not create this addition, but it has enabled me to feed it. There are certainly worse things. That said, learning to do this stuff is probably my proudest achievement. It developed in me courage and social skills I didn’t have before – and has caused benefits in all areas of my life. I absolutely do not regret it.
    – First interactions/first dates aren’t enough to know much. When I first started dating GF 2012 (see below), I told my roommate “I think I could marry this girl!” after one date. I was so naive. (Note: I didn’t realize this was a habit of mine until I told my roommate the same thing about GF 2013…)
    – I’m most attracted to girls who use game on me – whether intentionally or not. What can I say? Some part of me loves the emotional swings that come with thinking a girl isn’t into me. Human nature/ego/whatever. There’s a girl I’ve gone on several dates with who is, on paper, a great fit – but she’s not as physically attractive as my GFs. If she just used some game on me I bet I’d be much more likely to pursue a relationship with her, but as it stands I’m just not very attracted…
    – If I sleep with a girl, my emotions towards her will very likely deepen. Have I considered this with the girl above? Yes, yes I have. Just can’t bring myself to do it…

    Here’s what I learned from my last three relationships:
    GF 2012 – I got into this relationship because she was hot, and my game was just starting to develop (this was all so brand new!). After the honey moon phase wore off, I realized she was very emotional and completely irrational/illogical. Learned I could never see myself being long term with someone who couldn’t follow basic reasoning. I ended it.

    GF 2013 – Girl was VERY attractive and VERY witty. Could banter with me like no one else. But had serious emotional problems (once told me her family never talked about their problems…). I’m certain now that she has some form of Aspergers (she admitted to suspecting this herself). What it meant was that just about every time I tried to connect with her emotionally, I would be spurned – it was like getting the wind knocked out of me. And every time I tried to have a conversation with her to work on our problems it was such an ordeal; she’d retract within her shell and take forever to come out… I was too blind, and too emotionally involved/attached (/dellusional) to realize I should’ve left early on. Eventually I learned. She also taught me that I need someone who is more optimistic (or at least not pessimistic) Glad I’m out of there.

    GF 2014 – Went on a first date and I was unimpressed. Very attractive, but young and just didn’t seem to have her shit together. I didn’t call, but she ran into me at the farmers market a week later and invited me over to her place. How could I say no? Things get physical. Suddenly i realize that I’m more attracted to her than I thought. We date, become exclusive. Turns out she’s intelligent, easy going, reads, great with kids, great sense of humor. The best sex I’ve ever had. I see it going long term. I bring this idea up one night after a great date, and learn that she has no intentions of staying where I live; it’s clear she isn’t as invested as I am. We date for six months and, while I know she genuinely enjoys being with me, it’s clear that she isn’t in a place to commit long term to a relationship. It crushes me, but I break up with her to expedite the inevitable. That was about four months ago. I’m still not entirely over her. From her I learned that bad first dates aren’t the be-all end-all. It also reinforced that I’m most drawn to girls who are somewhat distant/gamey. (I don’t think she ever intentionally was this way, it was just the nature of our relationship) – In fact, it’s very likely that if she had been more invested in the relationship I would’ve found something I didn’t like about her… but because she always kept me wanting more, I couldn’t get enough…

    Anyway, currently I’m back to approaching; also doing online dating/Tinder. Have learned several lessons there too. Perhaps that’s for another post.

    Hopefully this will be helpful to someone out there…

    Cheers amigos,
    Slim

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