January 31, 2022 at 1:06 am #74372BlueJayParticipant
Forgive me for another post but something’s been on my mind recently – What are your thoughts on a man’s age regarding dating? Does getting older make things harder or easier or is it not important?
I wasted a lot of years of my life due to really bad circumstances/location and also huge social anxiety. I went to an all boys elementary and high school and then university life was a write off due to the social anxiety. So basically my youth was wasted. Although I got a handful of girlfriends and experiences here and there somehow (even through cold approach which I forced myself to do, sometimes with the help of alcohol).
Anyway, I’m turning 35 soon and am feeling TONS of regret and a kind of stress about my life as if I’ve wasted it and that it’s all over.
I have read that attractive women like older men but on apps and online dating, I have noticed that they usually set their preferences for men to 29 or 30 years old as the maximum age. So, if they are into older men, why is that not reflected on these apps/online/by their preferences?
Thanks a lot.
February 2, 2022 at 5:26 pm #74374Eric DiscoKeymaster
- This topic was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by BlueJay.
There’s a couple factors when it comes to age.
Women online tend to stick to harder cutoffs than women in person. Women online will specify they want a specific age, height, religion, etc., and will be inflexible with this since there are so many options. On a lot of apps/sites they can even specify no one over 35, etc. But then the same woman meets you in person and all that goes out the window because she feels attracted to you.
A woman’s preferences are a choice but they’re not the same thing as attraction. Attraction is not a choice, it’s something she feels when she has an experience. For men, a lot of that attraction is visual. You see a picture of a woman and you are or aren’t attracted. For women, the visual is part of the equation, but it’s a much smaller part. What plays a larger part for her is the context, the situation, your behavior, how she feels when she’s around you, etc. That’s why in person if you’re older or shorter, you have a far better chance than online.
Age is a much more important factor for men’s attraction for women than vice-versa. Since the physical plays such a large part for men’s attraction to women, the older a woman gets, the less likely a man is to be attracted to her. Since behavior and status play such a large part of attraction for women to men, age doesn’t play quite as large a factor and can even help in some cases. Generally, when guys are older, they tend to have their shit together, have more money, are smarter and more knowledgeable, understand how things work, have higher status jobs, etc.
As you do get older, I would recommend a few things. Stop dressing like a punk or rock star. It works for younger guys, but the older you get, the less it works. You can still be the bad guy and wear stylish clothes, but looking unkempt and railing against society is a young man’s game. Dress a little more upscale. Think successful entrepreneur, record/movie producer, college professor or fashion mogul.
Try to place yourself in situations where you’re not competing against younger guys, like 1:00 AM at the club. If you like bars and clubs, go to lounges and bars closer to happy hour. Go to coffee shops and parks. Be a little more subtle about interacting with women.
Lastly, and most importantly, you need to reframe interactions with younger women. Most older men look at hot young women as the prize. You’re 50 and she’s 25. Can you imagine how awesome it would be to have her??? Meh. You’ve been there. You’ve done that. They look hot, but what else do they have to offer? You have experience, intelligence and worldly know-how on your side. You’ve been through the fire. What has this young thing done other than look hot? You need to go into interactions with the frame that she needs to impress you with more than her looks. You can’t dote over her and be impressed by every little thing she does. Challenge her. Qualify her. Make her feel like she’s the one that has to earn your interest instead of the other way round.
EricFebruary 4, 2022 at 2:29 am #74375BlueJayParticipant
Thanks a lot, Eric. Very wise and important points.
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