Reply To: Tips for getting physical and escalating on a date

[Eric Disco]

From Lee:

The most important thing about physical escalation is this: do it gradually. Get her used to your touch.

The lowest form of touch is the high five or the fist bump. Every time she says something you agree with, go for a high five or give her a fist bump.

The next level of touch is using touch as punctuation when you’re talking to her. For example, touch her forearm with the back of your hand when you say something like “You know what I mean?” The actual mechanics are a little hard to explain. In workshops, we bring in girls so guys can practice positioning and body language. Everything you might want to do is easier when you are sitting or standing next to her facing in the same direction.

The next level of touch is constant body contact such as leaning on her or putting your arm around her. Sit next to her and close. Let her feel your body weight. Hugging is also a way to get full body contact. When she says something you agree with say “You agree?!” then put out your hands wide and say “Give it to me!” That’s how you get a hug.

Assuming you’re on a date, somewhere between a half hour and an hour of this type of escalation gets you to the kiss. If you are very close to her and already have body contact – if you’re inches from her face – you can just go for the kiss. If she’s been going along with all of the above, it is likely that she will let you do it. However, in the rare case that this doesn’t work, it can be a little awkward.

Here’s a game I like that makes the first kiss more playful and less awkward. Tell her to look at a point on the wall to your left or right. If she asks why, you can say “I want to look at your profile” When she turns her head, say “Very nice…” then while her head is turned sideways, just lean in and give her a kiss on the cheek. Expect some laughter.

Now say, “Ok, it’s your turn to make up an excuse to kiss me on the cheek” If she can’t come up with an excuse, prompt her. Say “Oh, come on, I just showed you how to do this. Tell me you want to check out my profile.” Turn your head and let her lean in for the kiss, but at the last moment turn back towards her and get a peck on the lips. She will laugh. You will laugh. But this game totally breaks down the awkwardness of the first kiss.

When the laughter dies down, motion for her to do it again (without turning away) and say “One more time. This time, slowly.”

What if she says no – either after the peck on the cheek or at the end, when you ask for a real kiss? Tease her. “Oh man, you don’t know how to flirt, do you? You didn’t tell me that when I first met you. You don’t expect me to teach you all of this, do you? I usually meet girls who are a little less shy.” Pull away a little bit. Make her want to prove you wrong.

–Lee