Reply To: Terrible Fear of Getting Into Trouble Again?
As long as you’re not breaking the law, is it ok to make others uncomfortable? It depends on what’s at stake. If nothing is at stake, you may want to choose a behavior that doesn’t make others uncomfortable. However, there are things in life that are worth creating a little friction over, and one of those is finding the love of your life (and, if things work out, becoming the love of someone else’s life). Before you go over and say hello, women can’t tell whether they’re attracted to you. They can make a decision based on your looks alone, but as many of us in the community know, looks alone do not comprise a woman’s entire assessment of your attractiveness. How you do the approach and how you behave during the interaction are important elements of your attractiveness. That is why women want men to approach them, even when they know that they are not going to be attracted to the vast majority of men who are going to approach them. If, after the fact, they decide they don’t like you, they don’t get to take back the wish they previously made. Now, not every woman has signed on to the approach-me-if-you’re-interested contract, and some are going to be annoyed that they can’t read a book in their favorite coffee shop without being hit on by guys. Welcome to the real world. Those women have every right to give you an annoyed look and say “I’m sorry, I just want to read my book.” It’s happened plenty to all of us and we all have to learn to accept it with grace. What those women don’t get to do is dictate to the rest of the world how people should behave in a public place, especially when it can affect something as important as whether two people who are single and truly compatible wind up meeting each other. It takes a special kind of witch to resent having to utter that one sentence, even a few times a day, if it means that single people get to experience live social interaction with other single people when they deliberately go to a public place where such interactions have taken place for the entire history of humanity. So, should you be worried that you’re bothering this small subset of women? Absolutely not.