Reply To: i'm so confused about this girl

[The_Hurricane]

In my opinion, her explanation is worthless. If you had generated enough attraction, she would have been more willing to step outside of her comfort zone. When you make out with her and she stops you from going further, two things happen. First, she gets all of the validation she wants that she’s a desirable woman. Second, her perception of your value goes down. That is why make outs are dangerous. You further reduced your value by asking her out twice in a row.

There are two strategies for first date intimacy.

1) Push all the way. Push, push, push, and if she turns you down — which will be the majority of the time — stand up, tell her you’re tired and you have to get up early, and call it a night. Don’t tell her what a good time you had. Don’t make plans to see her again. Don’t look angry or frustrated. Just give her a hug and go. Make her feel the loss. It’s very attractive when a man has enough pride to just walk away. If she doesn’t contact you, ping her a few days later. If she shows interest, ask her out.

2) The other strategy is to take her to the point where she wants to make out, and deny her that kiss. Play with her. Tease her. Touch her. But don’t actually give her the validation of that make out. If she initiates it, give her a little peck, then pull back and tell her she’s going to have to work a little harder for that. She’ll hate you for it! But your value will go through the roof. If she’s attractive, she’s completely unused to men putting a stop to physical intimacy.

So what should you do now? Go on that date. Be fun, be flirty, be attractive but don’t go for the make out. Be the one to end the date. Stay in touch, but don’t text too much. Let her be the one to suggest getting together again. If that third date ever happens, you can go back to pushing for more physical intimacy.

–Lee