Reply To: girl did not want to meet after sex.

[Introverted Playboy]

SN:

On this that you mentioned:

“I’m always trying to move things fast. But I wonder if I move too fast sometimes. Because if I do, I feel like the girl knows all I want is sex.”

But is that all you want?

I totally hear you and I’ve definitely been in the same place as what you’re describing in the rest of your comment.

Let me offer you a different perspective on this issue. If what you really want is sex, then maybe you shouldn’t be taking girls out at all. Or if you do, then really lay on the sexual energy in the approach and even over text so that it’s clear exactly what you want beforehand. If she isn’t down for that, then she won’t meet up with you and you don’t waste your time.

But if you want to take girls out and spend nonsexual time with them, then you don’t have to get sexual early on. And accept a longer time frame before sex happens.

The problem with a lot of guys is they want to have their cake and eat it too: they don’t want to take the risk of expressing strong sexual desire and risk being rejected, but they expect the girl to be highly sexualized and go to bed quickly.

When you mention “I flirt with them give them little hints” honestly to me that just sounds like you’re not being clear enough. You think it’s obvious, but it’s not. In her mind, you’re a guy who is attracted to her, great–that doesn’t tell her whether you want quick sex tonight or sex over the course of 3 weeks and 5 dates.

The unfortunate fact is that many or most women put guys into one of two categories: (1) quick sex/ fun/ one night stand, (2) boyfriend/ relationship potential. Threading the needle between these two (a casual/ open but still longer term relationship) is not impossible, but it is much less common and hard to do.

Just today, I take a girl out. We grab a coffee, go for a walk. I make the move she backs away saying this is not what she thought was gonna happen and that she just wanted to be friends.

This is EXACTLY, almost word for word, what happened to me one time. Haha. The thing is, I thought it had been obvious when I met her that I was interested sexually. But in hindsight, it really wasn’t that obvious–I hadn’t said anything particularly sexual, and there had been no physical contact.

Consider what you’re really saying to the girls, the message they’re hearing. You want to filter out the incompatible girls to not waste your time.