Reply To: Busy Girls

[The_Hurricane]

First, you should never ask her out until she lets you know that she’s interested in going out again. She could let you know directly – “Thanks for the drinks! That was fun.” or “So when are we going to do it again?”. That does happen.

Or she could be more subtle. She could initiate contact, or ask you lots of questions about yourself, or email you a lot. After one or two texts in which she seems to be trying a lot harder than you are, just ask her out. But don’t ask, tell. Tell her exactly when you’re going to meet up and where. If she can’t make it, don’t suggest an alternative. Say “no worries. another time.” Let her suggest it. Any girl who’s into you but can’t make it on the day you suggest will offer an alternative.

So what happens if she never shows interest? Nothing. Send her a fun, flirty email or text every one or two weeks until the situation changes or she stops responding altogether or you just get bored of gaming her. Whatever you do, don’t ask her out.

No, you should never get mad or call her a flake. When you get mad, you’re telling her that this is really important to you and that you probably have nothing else going on, which lowers your value.

Based on your previous posts and this one, here is my assessment on where you’re losing them. They’re having sex with you which means there is some initial attraction. However, there’s also probably a lot of neediness on your part. Until you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, a girl should always feel a little uncertain about whether you really like her. This should reflect the reality that you’re not into every hot chick you meet.

I think you probably give girls so much certainty so quickly that they come to the conclusion that you’ve not very valuable and you don’t have much else going on. That is why you lose them after sex. Making them feel good about themselves may get you sex but it doesn’t get you respect and value, so as soon as the sex is over, your value drops.

Ask yourself if any of the girls that you recently lost had some doubts about whether you actually liked them, and if the answer is no, they did not, work on both your internal state and the way you interact with them before and during that first date. Remember, one of the key behaviours of the most desirable men is that they are not – until the very end – completely certain that the woman they’re with is good enough for them. Women find that uncertainty very attractive.

–Lee