Reply To: Three questions

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Hi Eric,

I stumbled upon this post (I know it’s old) and it resonates a lot with me. I myself did a boot camp in Europe without having any approach experience AT ALL and like you predicted I fell back to square 1 the day the boot camp ended.

For me personally, I did maybe 50 approaches during the boot camp and I was very happy seeing what was possible – I was proud. But when I came home I also felt that I had been conditioned by the very specific city and the park we were day gaming in. It had become a safe haven for me where it was comfortable for me to approach and I trusted the coaches to do the pre-selection for me. Towards the end of the boot camp I felt more and more confident and could approach without the aid of a coach. That was all gone when I came home to my own city. I concluded that 50 approaches was not enough to become self driven and I needed maybe another 50 to be on my own in my own city. But I never took a 2nd boot camp – it was VERY expensive.

My boot camp group consisted of maybe 50% guys like me and 50% guys who have had sex with 100-200 girls already and who wanted to become better, be more efficient, get hotter girls etc etc. I realized that these boot camps are ideal for the experienced guys.

If I combine your information in your post with another post where you made an analogy in terms of having a fear of heights, I would like to know more about the “mechanics” of approaching.

See, I have read several times that PUAs, boot camp coaches etc who have approached 1000s of girls report that they get rusty if they don’t approach at all for several months. They have to keep up the momentum all the time. If they take a break for 6 months, they will often have to do some social freedom exercises to get in the mood again. So I question what is going on here? If you have climbed the Eiffel tower 1000 times you should not be afraid anymore or if you have approached 1000 girls you should be SO desensitized that approaching feels like pooping or drinking a beer = the most normal common thing to do in the world where your subconscious mind has been reprogrammed.

Now you say if your exposure therapy process is TOO brutal you will always fall back again. But if you do GENTLE exposure therapy you will arrive at your goal slowly but steadily. Can you elaborate on that?

99% of all PUAs, dating sites, approach sites, daygame sites, youtube videos say “you just have to do it=fake it till you make it”. And it is SO tempting for inexperienced guys to see men effortlessly approach hot girls and get a number/date within 3 minutes. You, Eric, seem to be the only one who goes against that belief.