Reply To: After disappearing (advice)
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If she does something undesirable, you do something undesirable back rather than having a talk with her. A few examples:
If you normally see her twice a week and she says she can’t hang out for two weeks because she is busy, don’t hang out with her for the next month.
If you’re exclusive with her and she says she made out with another guy, tell her that you no longer want to be exclusive with you so she has to earn it back.
If you’re living with her and she is going to go out partying late with her girlfriends, plan a late night out with your guy friends.
If she comes over to your place and falls asleep on the couch without hooking up, call her an uber and send her home.
If you make a date with her and is sketchy over text, cancel the date with her.
If you’re out on a date with her and she’s acting bratty, end the date early and go your separate ways.
The idea is that you aren’t negotiating desire. Desire can’t be negotiated. You can’t tell her, “I want you to want me more.” If she’s not afraid to lose you, you need to show her through your actions that she is losing some aspect of you.
This is not done out of malice. It’s good for her and she likes it. It’s similar to disciplining a child. You can give the child everything he wants and spoil him, but that won’t make the child happy. Clear discipline and boundaries make a child happy. This isn’t to say she’s a child but the mechanism is still the same. You are teaching her how to treat you. She will love and respect you for it and be much happier at the same time.
Even if it seems like she has a good excuse, you want to treat it as if she doesn’t have a good excuse. For example, she says that she has a lot of schoolwork or her mother is sick and she is too busy to hang out. Even if you know for a fact that she has a lot of schoolwork or her mother is sick, you should still push her away. When a woman is in love with you, she’ll figure out a way to see you. If she’s not focused on you, focusing on her will only hurt the situation for both of you.
Watch her actions, not her words and respond with actions, not words. If she pushes you away in any way, you push back. If she makes space, you need to make space as well. She needs to know you are going to walk in the other direction if she does. That is what makes her feel comfortable with you. It’s what keeps the attraction alive for her.