Reply To: Staying In The Interaction
Home page › Forums › Approach Forum › Staying In The Interaction › Reply To: Staying In The Interaction
Awesome job getting out there consistently. You’re a rock star.
One of the problems here is that you are trying to combine Step 4 and Step 5. In Step 5, you start to get personal but one of the keys of getting personal is to completely change the subject. It may seem natural to progress from “Where are coffee shops?” to “You seem to know your way around, are you from around here?” The problem with this is that it is confusing to women. It’s like you’re trying to make the move but are afraid to make it. She usually won’t put herself out there and reveal herself because she’s not sure if that’s what you’re asking. They will often just change the subject back to the original opener and say something like, “I am from around here but don’t go to coffee shops a lot.” Now instead of talking about her, you are back to talking about coffee shops. In Step 5, I recommend changing the subject completely with something like, “I get the feeling you’re creative,” or “I get the feeling you work out a lot.” Now it is clear to her that you are asking her about something completely different from your original opener about coffee shops.
But you will want to work on Step 4 first and get really comfortable staying in interactions longer before working on the transition into personal conversation. It is unlikely she will transition into personal conversation simply from asking an opening question. She typically needs to get comfortable in conversation that is not about her before talking about herself. So learning how to have non-personal conversation in Step 4 is critical before Step 5. Try to stay away from personal questions for now and just work on continuing the conversation in non-personal ways first. Talk about a restaurant you love or a book you read, etc.
Walking women are not the easiest to get into conversation with. It can be done. I have done it and have gotten dates, but compared to standing or sitting women, it is much harder to have a conversation. Momentum is working against you. For most people, their first instinct is to not give too much to a stranger, even if they find that stranger intriguing or attractive. I recommend you keep trying it with women who are walking, but expect a low rate of return. I would recommend you try this with women whom you can position yourself next to to make this more casual. You’re even better off waiting until they stop at a crosswalk, standing next to them and opening them. Try this in bookstores, supermarkets or sitting next to them in cafes or parks.
You are correct in that you are probably giving off a vibe that makes them antsy. Make sure that both feet are planted firmly on the ground. Do not move your feel at all until the interaction is 100% over and you say thank you. Then move your feet and walk away. Try to make sure you are standing next to her more than facing her. Speak as slowly as possible, leaving space in between questions. It’s tempting to speak fast to try to keep her there but the faster you speak, the more it seems like you are trying hard to keep her there, which makes her antsy. Be willing to let some women walk away because you didn’t speak quickly enough.
The fact that these women aren’t creeped out means that you are doing well with Steps 1, 2 and 3. So you are in the right place. Keep practicing this because the more comfortable you get with this, the more comfortable women will get. Expect a lower rate of return on these because this is where the rubber meets the road. It’s not anymore about women just being nice to you, it is about women actually being attracted to and actually wanting to be in a conversation with you. A high rate of rejection is common here (80-90%) but the women that do continue are truly into you. Even the best guys out there get a lot of rejection at this stage. There are some days I go out and no interaction will ‘hook.’ It’s all part of the game. So keep trying to improve, keep working on the earlier stages to improve your chances of attraction (speaking loudly, etc.).
Also know that just because an interaction doesn’t hook, it doesn’t mean you did something wrong. Don’t keep changing things every time an interaction doesn’t hook. She may be shy, have a boyfriend, etc. I recommend setting up a script and doing that exact scrip over and over a number of times. You can even write your script here and I can help you with it. If you think your words aren’t working, choose something else and try out both the new one and old one at least 10 times before you decide one works better than the other. There is A LOT of statistical noise in this game. One woman may be into you no matter what you do and say while another may not be into you no matter what you say and do. At this point the numbers become important.