Reply To: Need some advice between dates

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Eric Disco

> Why can’t I say something like “Hey Sarah, because of this, this, and this I’m getting mixed signals from you. Are you interested in pursuing this further?”

What kind of ACTIONABLE information are you hoping to get by asking her this? Let’s say she says, “Yes, of course I like you. I’m just super busy right now.” Then what? Does that change your current plan of action? It does not. You will still continue to text her and try to get her to meet up with you.

If she says, “I like you more as a friend,” how does that change your plan of action? Will you invest less time texting her? Well, you shouldn’t be investing too much time into her anyway if she can’t meet up with you. Will you date other women? Well, you should be dating other women anyway.

By asking her, “Are you into me?” you are being NEEDY. It shows that you NEED to know how she feels about you. You are telling her that you are unable to exist in this grey area with her, that you need an answer now, even if it is no. You are telling her that you have too many feelings for her and think about her too much when she is away. Your anxiety is getting the better of you.

You guys haven’t even slept together. You’ve only been on two dates. She probably doesn’t even know how she feels about you. Her feelings could change from day to day. She could be dating/sleeping with two other guys. She could be getting over a three year relationship and constantly thinking about her ex. She could be in love with some other guy.

Her response to your question is meaningless. She may say she really really wants to pursue things and then never meets up with you. She may say she just wants to be friends and then fuck you the next time she sees you. Ignore her words. Listen to her actions. What do you know about her from her actions?

1) She likes texting you. That’s not nothing. She wouldn’t text you if she weren’t into you in some way.

2) She won’t meet up with you. You don’t know why.

You have all the actionable information you need just from watching her actions.

The wrench in all of this is that she lives five hours away. If the girl lived in your town and couldn’t find the time to meet up with you, it might be a little more obvious that she’s blowing you off. If she is long-distance, how does that change things?

Well, you may be tempted to have more of a phone/texting relationship than if she were in town. But this is bad news too, especially if you aren’t sleeping together. You don’t want to be her emotional tampon, someone she texts when she feeling lonely but then won’t fuck you. By accepting a phone/text relationship without sex, this is exactly what you’re getting into. She’ll lose all respect for you if you allow yourself to be that person.

Play it chilly. Date other women. Keep her around as an option. That’s what she’s doing with you. Don’t be too eager to text with her if she’s not willing to see you. Don’t act like her boyfriend before you’ve even slept together.